When I worked in corporate
When I found out I was pregnant and my husband and I made the decision for me to try and work at home while our son was so young, almost everyone I know said, “think of the solitude.” I’m a social person, how would I handle being alone all the time? Yes, my son is home with me but for the most part I work when he’s at school or sleeping. I moved my computer to a corner of the dining room where I can work undisturbed. I find I work much better without the hustle and bustle of others around me. Other people’s conversations, the phone, the constant interruptions keep me from being productive. At home on my own, I get much more work done.
Loneliness was a big issue at first, but I find ways around it. Most of the time I enjoy the solitude, when I don’t I:
- Go to the coffee shop. Most coffee shops now have wireless connections so I can work and be around people.
- Go to the library. Ditto the above. There are people and it’s a change of environment.
- Talk to other moms. Since my son is in activities, while he’s playing I talk to other moms and neighbors.
- Join clubs or groups. I joined a local woman’s organization. We have dinner out, have potluck dinners, meet for drinks, have movie nights and/or just socialize once or twice a month.
- Social networking. This blog, other blogs and various forums allow me to keep socially active among my peers.
I don’t miss leaving my home to do a job I don’t enjoy. I’m at a good place right now, doing something I love. Yeah, it gets a little quiet around here from time to time, but I’ve learned to cherish my quiet times and keep busy or socialize to break up the monotony. It’s a minor issue when I consider the alternative.
Do you find writing to be a lonely career, and if so, how do you deal with it?
I LOVE working from home. However, I do make plans in the evenings more than I do if I work on site. I need some social contact each day. I also call people more in the evenings when I work from home.
I think to work in solitude, two things are required: you have to truly love your own company, which I do, and you have to enjoy being alone. And, of course, you have to be a self-starter. Because I am “all of the above,” it works perfectly for me!
Ditto! Working from home suits me just fine, too!
Thinking back to a contract job I has with a medical health care company in the late 90′s. I always felt like a fish out of water.. they had on their suits, fancy dresses, etc., and I always wondered what I was doing there. I was glad when that contract ended. With both kids in school, that gives me the chance to get involved with non-writing activities like PTO, helping in classrooms, band boosters, etc., so I meet lots of different people that way.
I often wonder if I should wish I were in a “big peoplejob” as my neice puts it, but truthfully, I enjoy being at home too and being my own boss, of sorts. Sure there are editors to deal with, crabby interviewees (had that the other day–would love to talk on that subject), but if I need to go to the store, a school play, or just watch my kids play in the front yard, I can do that without taking personal time or vacation time!
I prefer the solitude. But I have a nice network of friends for socializing on weekends, plus I have two dogs. They keep me company! Also, hubby works a varied schedule. He’s home more than most working husbands.
How can any at-home worker get lonely? What’s the alternative, job-wise? Being around a bunch of brainless baffoons, like a co-worker named Theresa, who literally went on and on for 20 minutes about a three-legged turkey. To this day, I regret not telling her to shut up already. Corporate politics, corrupt management, and most of the time, co-workers have their heads in the gutter. The topic of sex always comes up at the workplace. Then you hear about family or marital problems, health problems, aches and pains (hint: stop eating crap, and hit the gym!), gossip, and all sorts of other sh– that can only take place OUTSIDE your home. How can anyone be lonely for this?
If I yearn for human contact, I can walk down the street and start a conversation with someone walking their dog, fussing with their car, or going yard work.
My mind is always so buzzing with activity, that I never find myself lonely. The characters I have invented, for the novel I one day hope to complete, keep me very good company!
I don’t mind working alone, or being alone much of the time. (Then again, some of that may be because I am rarely truly alone; I live at home with my parents and younger… 100+-lb-bigger brother.)
Nonetheless, I don’t have much of a “social life” per se, but I do have a fair number of friends. Some are younger than me, and I frankly am one of the few with a car. Therefore, I have quite a number of friends who, when I get lonely and have some time, I can call and swing by to visit whoever’s free.
(I tend to visit because I miss the friend more than I visit because I’m lonely, though; the loneliness seems to mostly hit when I’ve spent a week sick in bed and can’t do anything. And even then it might just be stir-craziness. Which isn’t helped once I have to return to school and make up a whole lot of work after missing a week due to illness, which has happened a few times.)
I also have church and college, though college gives me a lot less social interaction than it does for most students. I tend to have difficulty holding interesting conversations with people my age. Not many like discussing biology, genetics, logical analysis, or grammar nuances.
*clears throat and smiles wryly* Though beating up my friend on her X-box when I don’t own a game system is fun.
I like that coffee shop suggestion. Browsing at Barnes & Noble is…
Wait, that’s a bookstore.
My “bad.”
(Sorry if I sound a mite funny. Blame the chocolate chip cookie dough and dark chocolate M&Ms.)
I do miss my friends from a previous job, but I don’t miss the unrealistic deadlines or the boredom of sitting at your desk pretending to be busy when there is nothing to do. Or meetings or hearing complaints. Or having to smile and say “hi” to 10 people every time I get up to go to the bathroom. And reviews, ugh!
I can meet my old friends for lunch anytime. Plus, I have my cat and I can always go to the bookstore or the grocery store. The pet store can be fun too! One thing I need to do is get back into yoga classes. I’ve been thinking about becoming a volunteer literacy tutor, but I have to decide for sure to make that commitment. I think I just hate pre-commiting to being somewhere at a certain time. Yeah, working at home is perfect for me. The only downside is an irregular income.
We were extremely fortunate, living in a big city, to find a house on a dead-end street with many elderly people and also many moms who work from home or work part-time. Thus, all I have to do is wander out in the front yard to do some gardening, and there are people to chat with for a few minutes. The climate is temperate, so this works just about all year round.
I also have many colleagues and former colleagues on Twitter and iChat; I can check in on them if I need a quick chat.
What is this thing called solitude you are talking about?! I think I might like to get some of it.
I’m very fortunate that my husband’s company lets him work from home so although we have separate offices, he’s always here. And my youngest is about to start half day kindergarten, so I’ve always had at least one kid around most of the day since I started writing, and with summer, both boys are around all the time!
I look forward to the day when things are so quiet around the house I feel the need to pack up and go work at a coffee house.
To be honest, I still miss my job after 8 months of freelancing. I miss the daily structure of my job. I miss dressing up in the morning and having lunch/coffee with colleagues and friends. I miss shopping for office clothes. I guess it’s because I had an almost perfect medical writing job – parttime, flexitime, home office one day week, wonderful boss and colleagues, and good pay. Unfortunately, my husband’s job required us to move to another country where childcare costs make it impossible for me to go back to work.
How do I deal with loneliness? talking to the locals, joining expat groups, making new friends, joining mom-kiddie activities
There are good aspects of working in a regular job, but not many. I certainly don’t miss the corporate B.S., or the commute, or any of a thousand little cuts the workplace inflicts. I do miss interaction with others at times, but I’ve always been a solitary type anyway, and it suits me more than it doesn’t to work from home. Since my wife is going to law school, I will probably have to rejoin the workforce soon, for the bennies if nothing else, but I am not rushing to do so, and won’t waste any time leaving it when I can.
I’ve found that as long as I maintain a network of people to see outside of “work hours”, working at home really isn’t isolating at all. In fact, I prefer it far more to corporate politics, degrading bosses, long commutes, and mind numbing work at the office. I have two dogs at home to keep me company and my kid is still at home with me. I get a sitter if I’m really pressed or need to do an interview/conference call.
Working at home actually is better than anything I could ask for. The only downside is occasionally staying up late when deadlines loom.
I have found that being a freelance writer has been an extreme BLESSING for me! I have panic attacks and some agoraphobia, and found myself in a complete state of concern 3 years ago in regards to my income. I had no clue how to make money from home, but knew that I could not work a “conventional” job. I sold a few items on eBay to make a few dollars, but I knew that that too would not last forever. I finally had an online friend introduce me to freelance writing, and I was hooked!
At first, since I never wrote for anyone before, I was quick to take the $2.00 an article jobs. I knew that I could not jump into the pot with both feet, so I had to take is slow and steady. Now, I am making far much more money than that, and have tapped into a niche that I never knew I had. I am also creating a website for my own writing services – a task that is long overdue!
Working from home has truly been a life saver for me! As a fellow freelancer, you already know that you can esentially create your own working hours, and can work in your own comfortable environment. I do believe that a happy writer makes for a happy outcome with the work!
Thank you so much, Deb, for giving us this wonderful blog! I can only hope that our futures will be even more fruitful than our past!
I like this topic, it’s close to my heart…
Of all the challenges of working from home, loneliness has been my greatest. I am really social and when I was in the office I worked as a Travel Consultant for 6 years. It was a great job socially! (Office politics were horrendous…)
I still haven’t exactly worked out the loneliness of being a Freelancer at home and it’s been years. Last fall I was going to go work at Starbucks for 5 hours a week just to get a dose of socializing.(I opted out of that one!)
No one I know nearby works from home. Can you believe it? I love working from home and wouldn’t want to change it, I’m not lonely every day, but it certainly is a feeling that I’m familiar with. – Lesli
The other day I was working on my back deck, drinking a root beer and watching my son run around under the sprinkler. Now I ask you, why would I give that up just to hear a bunch of co-workers talk smack about everyone else in the office, and be berated by a boss 20 years younger than me?
- Deb
I certainly agree with Deb’s last comment, though there have been times I’ve had to play hardball with the kids and tell them that I can’t do certain things with them. I’ve been the 99 percent breadwinner for years, and though I can arrange my schedule somewhat, there are times I’ve missed some activities to finish items so I could pay the mortgage, the doctor and the mechanic. I’m actually paying doctors more than I’m paying myself this year (my corporation pays health care costs, but I am my corporation).
My kids are teens now, so they basically look for my credit card. Enjoy them while they’re young. I coached my oldest for several years.
For adult/business company, try getting involved with writers groups, chambers or local small business organizations. I’m very involved with a local Enterprenuership program run by a local university, but that opportunity isn’t available to everyone.
I also go to business conferences once in a while.
I do get lonely sometimes, but I got lonely at the office, too. The past few years, I don’t go out much, partially because I have an anxiety disorder, and partially because I just don’t want to. I rely on the internet for my interaction now.
I wouldn’t trade back the freedom I have freelancing for the corporate life. I don’t think I’d adjust well if I was forced to go back. It’s only been three years, but looking back, I don’t know how I ever survived that life.
I don’t miss the politics, the drama, or the STRESS. I don’t miss having to take a ten minute elevator ride to have a cigarette. I don’t miss listening to lawyers who make several hundred thousand dollars per year complain that their holiday bonuses weren’t big enough. I don’t miss trying to keep myself awake during the late-night hour-long train rides home. I don’t miss carrying a blackberry with me to the bathroom.
There are a few people I do miss, and it took me a year or so to adjust to not starting my day with a Starbucks coffee. But I’ve learned to keep in touch by email. And I’ve learned Starbucks sells bagged coffee at the grocery store. So it’s all good.
I personally prefer not working with anyone. All I ever heard was gossip and critique of other employees and I don’t miss it. My family and my cat are enough to keep me from being lonely.
When I get bored or lonely, I just annoy my clients.
Kidding! Just kidding!
I drink far too much coffee because I like to spend at least part of the day in a bizzy place full of noise. I get my kids at 4-ish every day, so that breaks it up. There can be issues related to being alone, but nothing serious.
I absolutely love working from home. I am not a social butterfly, never have been. Being around people tires me out. I enjoy being by myself and have since I was young. I was the girl who sat in the corner reading a book as contented as could be while the other kids ran around like maniacs. Being sent to my room wasn’t a method of punishment for my mother because I was usually up there already.
For seven years I worked in advertising, and when I’d come home after eight or ten hours of managing clients and navigating the intraoffice politics (which I was very bad at), I had no desire to do anything that required being around people, which was hard on and unfair to my husband. Now, when he wants to go out to dinner or go to the movies or when we have family functions, I’m up for it. Even though it’s only been nine months and was a little hairy at the start, he is glad that I made the leap into doing something that I love, that I am having success, and that our lives are better for it. (Apparently I was a bit “unpleasant” toward the end of my time in advertising. Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.)
Still, I do feel a little claustrophobic in the house. So I schedule to work at a coffee shop at least one morning a week.
I have several good friends from the old office job, and they take care of me. I meet my two best friends separately for lunch once a month, and then one weekend we have the “girls’ night,” when we can gossip and such. It’s actually been great because I can bring new stories to the table instead of all three of us rehashing the events at the office, which we had probably complained about upteentimes during the week. Former clients and vendors who are local invite me to the impromptu gatherings for happy hour or lunch, and I’m glad to go. It’s no longer a chore. And I’m building business contacts.
I also have three or four solid on-line comrades. Among us there is an understanding that should any of us need to vent or gab, just hit that IM.
The only thing I do miss is dressing up. Where am I supposed to wear my excellent 3 1/2-inch heels now and what is my excuse to keep buying them?
I wasn’t prepared for the loneliness when I went freelance full time six months ago. It has taken me a while to adjust, to recalibrate my social quotas, and to find peace with my own company. I have joined a writers’ group where we talk about the pressures and joys of freelancing. When I really need someone, I make calls.
One unexpected side effect was my tolerance for bull**** has gone waaaaay down. When you have forced social interactions at work, I think you need to allow for a certain amount of silliness to enter your life. Now that the vast majority of my social interaction is on my own terms, I’ve found myself pickier about the people I choose to see.
I love working at home; being a loner I really don’t mind it. I look forward to the day when I can do it fulltime. My husband works from home so the days when I also work from home I have company even though we work in different parts of the house.
Whenever I take a break I may return a call, or just call one of my sisters or brothers for a chat.
Workplace dynamics and politics is not something I enjoy.
I’m glad I can work from home, I certainly don’t miss the city office life and the overly stressed out boss!
There is always so much to do at home, what with a busy working day; housework, and cooking… really, I never get bored or lonely.
Weekends and evenings I can pop out and visit, also friends are only a telephone or email away… so there are several communication outlets.
Working from home is a real blessing for me.
Loneliness is the number one issue for me as a freelancer. I like myself and enjoy working alone, but like another person said I am having to readjust my social quotas to compensate. When I was 9-5, the weekends were crash-time to read and lay on the couch. I still like that, but I am conflicted bc when I work at home all week I need to get out on weekends.
I do the coffee shop thing because at least there is the sense of being a part of something. I also see friends at night and keep in regular phone contact with them.
I agree with Elisabeth — now that I work from home, I want to get out more when I am not at work. I also do a lot of social networking, like Deb. I guess those things prevent me from feeling lonely, because I have to say, I LOVE working from home!
I don’t find it lonely at all. I love working from home and creating each day fresh. Plus, I’m out and about quite a bit, covering events, doing interviews. And I make sure to make time for friends.
I need a lot of solitude anyway, so this suits me perfectly!
As for me, I go to some online communities I’m part of (like this one: http://www.pinoymoneytalk.com/forum/index.php/index.php) and just chat.
And of course, this blog. I like reading your readers’ comments.
I never am alone! I have 3 kids running around. I also prefer to work alone. I am free to do things my way (eat lunch when I want, take a break when I need to) without worry about others. I do love to visit online communities and blogs though. I get great ideas and advise when I do.
Lately I’ve found myself pushing clients in my local area to meet in person, even when we don’t necessarily NEED to. But ya know what? It really helps to cement the relationship and I’ve even got some great new friends!
I actually have another method for dealing with chatty urges: MMO’s. Yes, I play Massively Mutiplayer Online games, specifically RPGs.
RuneScape works if I want to get into an argument. Oberin offers a nice mature environment, and Eternal Lands I’ve tried a little. Second Life I tried and ditched in disgust at the game atmosphere. All of them are free at least for part of the game; Oberin is entirely free and has the “worst” graphics.
My favorite is Oberin, but it’s Mac-only. Eternal Lands is probably my second favorite for a more mature atmosphere. RuneScape tends to have a lot of kids, so it can be a trial to play.