Space Invaders: Keep your hands off my stuff!!!
August 21, 2007 by Deb
Filed under Freelance Writing
Yesterday’s comment by Cynthia inspired today’s blog post. In our discussion regarding working at home she mentioned how her husband stood over her sorting mail onto her desk while she’s trying to concentrate on her writing. “That’s the other thing that kills me.” She said “My desk is MY desk! Don’t put things on it!!
You said it, Cynthia. I’m so territorial with MY things. My computer. My desk. My notebook. My pens that are always disappearing. If I went into my husband’s office at his place of employment and started messing with his things, he’d have a fit. When I worked in an office there was nothing I hated more than to find someone had rifled through my desk or drawers to find a pen or stapler. I hate when I can’t find what I need, and I hate when people use my desk.
We have two computers. One belongs to me and one belongs to my husband and son. If my husband’s computer isn’t on and I get up to use the bathroom or get something to drink, he’ll inevitably jump in my chair to surf for something or other. If I return and would like to work, he might get bent out of shape because he’s not finished yet. Well neither am
My work area is organized but cluttered. My husband is anally neat. He’s actually gone through and cleaned things up and thrown away things he felt were garbage. As well intentioned as he was, I was furious. I don’t like people invading my work space. Am I selfish? How do you feel about people hanging out at your workspace?
Discuss…
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I feel the same way. More than once I’ve told my husband to keep his hands off my stuff. More recently I’ve just started asking “Do I come to your office…” and he gets the picture.
I should be so lucky. My only saving grace is that I create too much clutter. I don’t leave any room for anyone to put anything on my desk. (Including me, but hey, you win some, you lose some.)
It’s not just you. Every time I’ve thrown stuff out because others encouraged it, or every time others have cleaned up for me, I’ve ended up missing at least one of those missing things later.
My husband and I share an office which is a spare bedroom, and I can’t work with him hanging around and looking over my shoulder. If he could sit in the room with me and remain quiet, it wouldn’t be so bad. But he likes to talk, look through mail, and clean while I work, which can be a bit distracting and annoying.
There’s nothing like a door you can close.
My office is such a mess my husband is afraid to come in.
Luckily, my husband doesn’t like invading other people’s space including mine. He’s very reluctant to come into my space. My kids however sometimes DO try to get into my space. They don’t get onto my computer (lucky for me they have their own, so does my husband).
My husband has asked to get on my computer when his was down but mostly because his was down due to fixing it, upgrading it or the like. At least he asked.
I don’t like people looking over my shoulders as I am working. Even when the kids are looking and not REALLY looking at what I am doing. Just the fact they are watcing over me is enough to drive me crazier.
My space is cluttered most times except my computer. It’s neatly organized with all folders neatly arranged and such. Now, if I could do that with the rest of my stuff…
Hi deborah,
I know you’ve said you’d post jobs, if we had any, on your site. I’m looking for a music writer and it pays about $.40/word. but I didn’t know how to contact you to ask if you would post it on your site?
I am terribly selfish about my workspace. Until a few months ago, my spouse and I shared the desktop computer. Although we had a laptop, Spouse used it only for evening web browsing in the living room, not for daytime bill-paying or email. Finally I created a small, separate desk in a corner of my office and gave the laptop a permanent home. Spouse now uses it for everything and leaves my stuff alone!
My mom used to “clean up” for me when I was in high school and college. I hated that. Michael only tried it once or twice.
My drawers (and, incidentally, my computer files) are neat and organized. My desktop — both physically and virtually — is another matter. I’m always saving “temporary” files onto my computer’s desktop, and it’s gotten quite cluttered. The top of my desk also has little notes and papers everywhere, but I know where it all is…until my cats jump up there and screw everything up, that is!
Thankfully, I have a laptop and my husband hates to use anything but a mouse, and the keyboard is too small for his hands. However, he often asks me to look things up for him. Fine. Then he wants to go to another page, and then another, and then another. A half an hour later I’m doing all of his work and none of mine. And he has his own computer!
Everyone at my house seems to respect this, except the pride of semi-domestic cats. I claim territory all over the house for a day here or there, and it’s respected as long as it can be.
Perhaps it’s because I’m the primary income that it seems important. Also, I notice that a lot of you who have problems are women; perhaps women “get this” better than men do. Or I’m just lucky to have a great partner in life (which is also true!).
The kids never use my desktop – only the laptop (which I don’t regard as workspace, even though it is used for work). Having something they can use for webkinz takes pressure off of my machine, I suppose.
I guess I am pretty lucky. My husband has never even approached my work space. He knows that I need my own space to work in. I used to work on the kitchen table, but he gave up half of his office for me after seeing how difficult it was for me to work from there. Even though we share the same office we each have our own separate desks, computers, and office “stuff” so we don’t have to worry about arguing over who used the stapler last and didn’t refill it.
The only thing I can think of to complain about is that sometimes when I am on a roll and typing up a storm, he decides to start a conversation with me. I guess there are worse things than your husband wanting to talk with you
My desk is cluttered, but I know where everything is. I’d rather people didn’t put things on it or sit in my chair, but I sometimes feel that it’s unreasonable for me to feel that way, so I’m glad you posted about this, Deb.
Lauren –
My situation is pretty much the same as yours, except that I’m the one who’s letting my spouse have some office space.
We both have our own desks, although I monopolize most of the bookshelves in the office — he doesn’t need to keep as many books handy, so most of his are on bookshelves elsewhere in the house.
And like you, my husband likes to strike up a conversation while I’m working. One of the main reasons I have such a hard time working in the evening or on the weekends.
Well, since I share a computer with my husband, I don’t really have a choice. It’s the cat that invades my space and insists on sitting on top of the printer.
Yes don’t mess with my space! I’m about to move the pc desk to have even more space! It seems the more jobs I’m getting…the more space is needed.
It’s just my son and I, so I don’t have to deal with anyone else, thankfully.
As Peg says, the cats are the biggest invaders. Or later on in the day it’s “Mom!” every 5 minutes. I only have ONE child and he is very good about letting mom work.
Unfortunately, now I don’t have much of a space to really work at home. But my wife has always known that she can’t clean my desk… no matter how much of a mess it is. If anything gets moved, I’ll never find it again. Of course, I have the same problem with everyday stuff around the house–in the first month of marriage I probably asked, “Where is…?” at least once a day. And I haven’t gotten much better.
I may spend more time than I planned in my office when I start work next week just so I have more of a private space to work on writing.
Ugh..it’s my mom! She…CLEANS my workspace everyday! *gasp* I’m sorry but I can find things easily when my desk is cluttered.
As for my sister, she likes annoying me when I work by watching TV beside me…
Siblings! Ack!
Thank you Lord for my siblings NOT living with me.
Now there is one good thing about getting older.
Touch my workspace and die!
‘Nuff said
Micah>
Haha~! Do you live alone? I’ve considered renting an apartment but decided to forego the thought since we’re having a bachelorette’s pad built around the end of this year anyways.
Mariella,
I’m a divorced mom. My son and I are quite accustomed to life this way too.
When I read your post I thought of what it was like when I was younger…I would just ignore, ignore, ignore.
It’s so funny because it’s more difficult for me to get in that “zone” now when writing.
“I would just ignore, ignore, ignore.”
LOL! I wish I could do that too. But everybody in my family is noisy and they seem to like bugging me when I work. My mother has this habit of coming into my room, chatting endlessly for one whole hour during working hours.
As for my sister, she invades my space totally. She’s 17 and still scared of ghosts so she sticks around most of the time especially when I work overnights to finish some projects and she wants to watch DVDs.
The rest of my apartment is pristine, but the office is a disaster area! I’m the bad guy, though — I keep threatening to clean up my boyfriend’s half, since mine is tolerable. His just spreads! Do you remember all those kids’ shows where one sibling paints a line down ‘their’ half of the room? That’s my next plan!
Two desks, two disaster areas, an invisible but closely observed demarcation line. No crossing the line without permission. That’s the secret to our success (so far).
We have a poster on the wall that says “A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind” (no offense meant to well-organized souls out there). I can’t seem to work in an uncluttered desk…
It’s a miracle if all my dishes get done. I make sure to prioritize that work time is work time.
I seem to be the opposite where I need lots of room when working…as though having more space will help me write better maybe…don’t quite understand it.
“A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind.”
LOL I love that! My desk is the one place that I find myself more productive when it’s a mess. I must have a very healthy mind!
My family knows my office is off limits to them, and I’ve bitten their heads off a few times when someone moved something on my desk. My office is set up to please me, since I spend nearly 8 hours a day in here. The guys will come in and knock stuff off the walls, and then they complain that I make it difficult for them to come in here. Yeah, that was the plan.
I am an only child and it shows. I hate when anybody comes in and starts messing with my desk or other work areas. I am also very considerate of others’ spaces.
I seem to be the opposite of most people- I can’t work at a messy desk. At the end of the day I always clean off my desk and organize my papers.
I always get up before everyone else on weekends. I’ll be up at 5am to start writing in quiet. I have to say I know exactly what Deb is complaining about. As soon as my husband is up, I’ll go to get a cup of coffee or grab a quick shower and as soon as I’m back, my laptop is in his possession to “quickly check fantasy teams”.
I look at it this way though. My best friend’s brother died unexpectedly a few months back – right after Christmas. He was 39, a few years older than I am, and had just been to the doctor with a clean bill of health following pneumonia. His heart simply stopped in his sleep. His wife is a wreck. I’d much rather have my husband alive, even if he is annoying me. So his using my computer without asking has become a minor issue now.
Condolences to your friend. I totally agree, I’d rather my family annoy me as long as they’re alive. LOL.
Yes my sympathies also! I would be the same way with my pc.
As much as I hate whining about things, I’m going to speak up on this because it is my number one pet peeve about non-writers; they don’t understand the value of quiet. Ideas are so fragile and rare, good ideas even more rare. Something as simple as, “Can I get you a soda?” could be the difference between an article worthy of Atlantic Monthly and a $15 contribution on a web site at the farthest corner of the Internet.
To those who do not write: We do care about you. We do love you. We don’t want to ignore you. We’re just trying to catch butterflies in thimbles so we can hopefully make all of the torture worthwhile.
John Platt Says: “There’s nothing like a door you can close.”
For some remarkable reason I become this intriguing mystery that must be solved once I close my door. My husband and teenage son that I was sitting with SILENTLY watching TV or whatever suddenly just have to come and talk to me. Over and over and over again. ARGH!!!!
Unfortunately, I am owed the same amount. I have done the work the contract I signed said to do.
My excitement to work overwhelmed the other factors. I did look them up and saw that a web presence was not there. This may be a hard lesson learned for a newbie.
OMG! My husband is also a chair grabber. I have actually altered the way I work (not always to the better) because the moment I stand up to do anything – even go get a drink – he slides into the chair to “just check” something. The door doesn’t work because he thinks it only applies to the kids, not him. And he’s constantly asking what I’m doing, just cause he’s “curious,” which so totally breaks my flow to try and come up with an answer that some days I get hardly anything done. I do boot him out sometimes, but it always results in him acting hurt, and the next day it’s as if the previous day never even happened.
Pam –
It sounds like you need to sit your husband down (on a good day) and have a little talk with him. You can’t keep having to deal with this all the time, and you need to get him to STOP TAKING IT PERSONALLY when you need to work!
Recently, my boyfriend had to run inside to get a pen before we went to the bank. He grabbed one of my favorite pens and I said something like, ‘Oh, well, okay, but you have to give it back. I like this pen.’
It seemed a little weird to be like that about a pen, but, well, this is my stuff!