Working at home: It’s not all jammies and bon bons
August 20, 2007 by Deb
Filed under Freelance Writing
This is something I know many of you can relate to, since I’m seeing more and more comments regarding this issue: Getting others to take your job seriously.
My mom worked from home as an Instructional Designer for seven or eight years. Thus my side of the family is good about understanding that I truly have a job even though I do it from a corner of my dining room. My husband’s family, on the other hand, doesn’t always respect that. Some of them have a “oh you can do that anytime” type mentality. Certain friends are even harder to convince. I had a trio of friends drop me this year because I couldn’t get together every time it was convenient to them. I’d say I had a conference call or deadline and they’d look at each other and roll their eyes.
It’s tough to convince others you have a job. Most of my friends and relatives know that if I’m really busy I’ll let the phone ring to voice mail. In fact my good friends know not to call during school hours because I’m busy then.
I also think sometimes people look at me as lazy because I don’t have as much time for cleaning the house and doing chores as I used to. That’s not to say my house is a mess, but one of my husband’s relatives did enquire as to why I don’t help out as much around the house as I used to since I “sat around the house all day.” Another asked me why I sent my son to camp since I was home all day. I think this type of lifestyle is hard for people to understand.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have a life. I leave the house, I cook and I clean, but because I’m home all day I’m expected to do more of that. I’ve never heard anyone tell my husband he needs to help out more because I work all day, yet I’m constantly reminded of all I can do because I’m home. Well I work full time too. Which brings me to another gripe.
Something else most people don’t understand is when I’m working it’s hard for me to just drop everything to answer the phone or run to the supermarket. Once I have a train of thought going, I don’t want to lose it. That’s why I have to set aside blocks of time to work uninterrupted. I can’t work 15 minutes here and there, it disrupts the creative process.
I could probably go on about this topic until the cows come home. Suffice it to say, I don’t think people see freelancing or telecommuting as being able to sit down for eight hours and working. Most of them think it’s all working in the jimmies, watching Oprah and gossiping over the back fence. (For the record, I’ve never seen a full episode of Oprah in my life and I can count on one hand the times I caught bits here and there.)
It’s tough to train people to understand what you do. With more and more businesses allowing telecommuting, I’m hoping this type of thinking will change.
Are the people in your life understanding about your freelancing? If not, how do you deal with them?
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Even though it’s a “nosebleed day” as Mariella put (that was funny!) It’s still better than other jobs I have had. Being my own boss is a great asset. I know it all comes down to me.
Someone else said they don’t have the degree…I don’t either. I learn each day by writing.
Micah>> hahaha~ I guess it really is funny when being said out loud. Though my nose literally bled once when I went three days without sleep to finish a project.
I don’t have a degree in writing either. I’m actually a Biology graduate and was all set in becoming a scientist – I was, in fact, getting ready to go to grad school to get an MS in Microbiology; I’ve even interned for international research companies.
But one day I took a part-time writing job and everything just sort of took off from there. I do plan on getting a writing diploma in the near future, just so I could pick up some new ideas and hone my skills.
I’ve generally had good feedback from people, although, there was one who was just ‘pretending’ to be pleased for me – when in fact she let slip one day that she thought I didn’t have the brains to be a successful writer. Other people who have taken the initiative to start their own creative business, have also fallen victim to this person’s bad attitude. I believe it is called sour grapes!
It’s funny how someone who doesn’t have a mentally challenging job can assume someone else can’t do work that can be both mentally rewarding and uplifting.
The majority of people have shown interest in my work. The attitudes that matter are the ones of those who mean a lot, and I can trust to give an honest opinion.
Shell>> All I can say is that I pity her for having such a bad attitude. Really, we all have no choice but to mingle with other people, why make it any difficult?
Hi Mariella
I’m afraid this person can be quite resentful and has also been like this with other people. She seems to not like females getting on in life for some reason. I think it stems from jealousy.
When I first starting writing she had complimented me, but then I found out what she really thought.
It seems a lot of posts on here relay similar experiences, with the in-laws being generally unsupportive and quite rude to talented writers. As I said early, I’m sure it’s just sour grapes.
Shell>> Yeah, she might just have a lot of frustrations. Sour grapes AND crab mentality, more like.
Anyone who is a serious, professional freelancer is putting as much time–or more–into their business as any other hustling entrpreneur. Finding projects, establishing relationships with clients, creating markets, all of these activities are essential, traditional, and time-consuming. They are also key elements to any successful business plan which brings up an important thought: Do you have a business plan? Does your business look like a *business* or a *hobby*? If you take your business as seriously as your dentist, attorney, or real estate agent people will take notice.
I have been self-employed for 95% of my adult life and learned that, much of the time, unsupportive friends and family are often a reflection of whether I have been putting enough visible structure into my business. Furthermore, I have found that more visible structure not only increases credibility with the people around me, but also with the marketplace for my services.
Here are some tips that have guided me in the past:
1) Look solid | Even if you don’t have an office outside of your home, try and look as though you do. Professional letterhead and business cards are a small expense that goes a long way. Websites are a plus but only if they look professional–working links, consistent fonts and formatting, etc.
2) Talk solid | Q. Why are family dinners or cocktail parties such a monkeytrap? A. They are a monkeytrap because when that relative (or relatives) who looks at your chosen occupation as anything from a contract with poverty to a way to avoid reality, a lack of professional confidence seeps in and we mirror their view of what we do.
With networking being the strongest tool in your marketing plan, a savvy freelancer should always have an oral “What’s New” spiel at the ready. If your business is treading water, or you are a passive owner, you are not going to generate any excitement or respect from those around you. If you always have something you’re doing to build your business, that you are excited about (i.e., meetings with potential clients, pro bono work you do for chairtable orgs and non-profits), your exictement has a better chance of becoming infectious. Never leave home without your oral brag book.
Of course, I’m leaving out a lot of the tips that can be found in any “…for Dummies” book on the subject of running your own business. It should be a given that how you treat your workspace (dress, tidiness, etc.) WILL come across to your clients, even if they only communicate with you by phone, so I am not going to belabor the point.
Finally, just as in personal matters, sometimes it is important to examine what others are saying. Introspection is a underutilized tool, but one that all successful people grab. Look at the reasons you are working as a writer. Are you losing money or making money? If you were in a room with 25 other freelancers, would you be proud of your portfolio or try to avoid talking about your recent projects? These questions can comprise a mini-litmus test to clue yourself to whether your career accomplishing everything it should.
Sometimes in life no matter how well you present yourself or show just how capable you are, there will always be one or two who are envious of what you have achieved.
Some like to see you succeed and some don’t unfortunately.
Where do I begin?
I don’t exactly know what my family really thinks. In the beginning my dad was sending my online clips everywhere to everyone he knew telling people I was finally writing (he’s a good supporter)… However, I don’t know if anyone really thinks I am doing anything at all. It’s hard to gauge their response when I tell them I picked up a new client. They just sort of nod.
Like Deb says things don’t get done around the house like they used to. In fact, nothing gets done and I have 3 kids (and a husband) who could help out but they don’t. My husband is the worst. He complained so much the other night (because I don’t get up every day and leave and go to a place that sucks the life out of me like he does… I don’t work. I just run up the electric bill). Anyway (see how irritated this makes me), He was complaining so I told him, “That’s fine. I will miss my deadline. I will lose $XXX from this and then I will start all over looking for a new client. He looked at me and sort of dumbfounded asked, “That’s how much you’ll get?” (always about the money)… So I said yes, but in order to get that money I needed to X, X and X by the 30th. He was stunned. It hasn’t stopped him from complaining but maybe he now sees what this could mean for me and us. It’s my biggest paying client yet (and I got it here at Deb’s blog… after all this time!! Yay!) The kids don’t understand either. They see me at the PC all the time so they think nothing of it… sometimes I just want to lock them all outside. The baby doesn’t understand at all and will walk by and shove the mouse or keyboard drawer to make a point. It is very hard to work with those conditions (a new sort of hostile work environment if you will).
I am still working on a new schedule now that the older 3 are back in school but it is so hard that yes, even I think that a commuter job would be less insane.
Thanks for this article, Deb. I started my own freelance copywriting business over 2-1/2 years ago and EVERYONE I KNOW thinks I have all day to just get up and leave, pick up this or that at the store, re-arrange my sock drawer, and so on.
And to your point, it’s mostly family. Not in-laws, as in your case, but my own. They figure: well, you’re home, and yes, I AM in my jammies, so I must have all the time in the world to putter, be lazy and, as you say, gossip over the back fence.
I’ve tried convincing them for years, but I truly don’t think they will ever understand the nature of conceptual marketing and advertising writing and what it involves…especially if it’s done from my basement lair. Anyway, your post was helpful because I passed it on to all those who chastise me for not getting in a car and sitting in traffic for an hour to “work” at an “office.” You know, like THEY do, like most “normal people” do. Sigh.
Thanks again for your insight!
Tom