Working at home: It’s not all jammies and bon bons
August 20, 2007 by Deb Ng
Filed under Freelance Writing
This is something I know many of you can relate to, since I’m seeing more and more comments regarding this issue: Getting others to take your job seriously.
My mom worked from home as an Instructional Designer for seven or eight years. Thus my side of the family is good about understanding that I truly have a job even though I do it from a corner of my dining room. My husband’s family, on the other hand, doesn’t always respect that. Some of them have a “oh you can do that anytime” type mentality. Certain friends are even harder to convince. I had a trio of friends drop me this year because I couldn’t get together every time it was convenient to them. I’d say I had a conference call or deadline and they’d look at each other and roll their eyes.
It’s tough to convince others you have a job. Most of my friends and relatives know that if I’m really busy I’ll let the phone ring to voice mail. In fact my good friends know not to call during school hours because I’m busy then.
I also think sometimes people look at me as lazy because I don’t have as much time for cleaning the house and doing chores as I used to. That’s not to say my house is a mess, but one of my husband’s relatives did enquire as to why I don’t help out as much around the house as I used to since I “sat around the house all day.” Another asked me why I sent my son to camp since I was home all day. I think this type of lifestyle is hard for people to understand.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have a life. I leave the house, I cook and I clean, but because I’m home all day I’m expected to do more of that. I’ve never heard anyone tell my husband he needs to help out more because I work all day, yet I’m constantly reminded of all I can do because I’m home. Well I work full time too. Which brings me to another gripe.
Something else most people don’t understand is when I’m working it’s hard for me to just drop everything to answer the phone or run to the supermarket. Once I have a train of thought going, I don’t want to lose it. That’s why I have to set aside blocks of time to work uninterrupted. I can’t work 15 minutes here and there, it disrupts the creative process.
I could probably go on about this topic until the cows come home. Suffice it to say, I don’t think people see freelancing or telecommuting as being able to sit down for eight hours and working. Most of them think it’s all working in the jimmies, watching Oprah and gossiping over the back fence. (For the record, I’ve never seen a full episode of Oprah in my life and I can count on one hand the times I caught bits here and there.)
It’s tough to train people to understand what you do. With more and more businesses allowing telecommuting, I’m hoping this type of thinking will change.
Are the people in your life understanding about your freelancing? If not, how do you deal with them?
Vote for Celebrity Cowboy in the Dirt 100!
Visit my other blogs:
Ooh, I hear you on this one. It’s hard enough to convince people in southern Italy that I can actually work from home, but then to impress upon them that I actually have trains of thought that can’t be interrupted? It’s nearly impossible.
And forget about trying to convince them that I don’t actually *have* all day to clean the house, do the shopping, etc….
I’m kind of the opposite. I do good work while my kids are screaming and the dog is barking and the cats are dragging dead rabbits in and the beta fish name Sampson is still sitting on the counter. Dead.
LOL. Just recently, cousins have asked how I was doing. When I told them I was already working, the first thing they asked me was how I get to work (because I sold my car recently). I told them I get up during the mornings, dress up, and cross my room to the corner where my computer is. They laughed. No one believed what I said. Frankly, I don’t really care what anyone thinks but it’s annoying having to explain why I can’t attend another birthday party when people don’t see what I do as a “real” job. It’s driving me up the wall, really.
I find respect for my work-at-home life is directly related to my income. If I tell people I’m writing for big-name, high-paying magazines, they tend to understand when I say I’m busy because of “deadlines” and “phone interviews.” But if it’s writing fiction–which hasn’t yet paid me a dime–then I get dismissed as “doing nothing.”
I was just blogging about this not too long ago. Actually my husband and his ex-wife I had problems with for a week or so. She had no daycare, so she thought it would be okay for her to just drop the kids off while I was working, without asking me first. Of course my hubby said YES. Boy was he in for a wake up call when he had to scramble to find a babysitter for the kids. It won’t happen again! Then there’s my father. If he can’t get me by phone he will automatically drop by the house. One day I ended up hiding out in the bedroom where no one could see me. How I handle things is one step, one day at a time. It varies on who the problem is. Generally I don’t answer the phone or door, or I’ll hide out in the bedroom. I had to tell the ex-wife last weekend, I’m sorry, but I have a job.
Actually, I’ve had it pretty easy in that regard. Years of doing freelance projects as well as working full-time conditioned my friends and family to me working from home; thus, when I made the switch away from working in the corporate world (sometimes known as the nine rings of Hell), they were already used to the idea. Plus, I’ve never had any trouble ignoring phone calls or being rude to people impinging on my time, so those distractions have withered on the vine. Unfortunately, my kids are still learning not to bother Daddy, but once school starts back up (next week; yahoo!), I expect those issues to dry up and fade away.
My well-intentioned but meddling neighbor (who is a lovely woman aside from this) calls me frequently to tell me about job openings she hears of. Not writing gigs (no wait – to be fair she loaned me a copy of a Cup of Comfort book yesterday, suggesting that I write a story for an upcoming volume), but office jobs or library jobs. I’ll politely joke, “Well, getting a new job would get in the way of my job.”
My Mom did not really get it. My brother sort of does. He will think nothing of asking me to babysit my nephew for a few days (they live out of state), since I’m home anyway, but if I do babysit, he always makes sure my nephew is clear that Auntie has to work and they pack toys and books that my nephew can enjoy on his own.
My nephew (age 9) was very cute the last time he visited though. He built me a mini computer desk out of Legos so that we could work in the same room. While I didn’t use the desk, I did join him in the room – and I got a lot done! He played with Legos and I typed away. I was surprised.
When I first started freelancing full-time, one of my best friends was unemployed at about the same time. I remember quite specifically her asking me if I wanted to go to lunch during the week, since “neither of us work.”
People in my life have gotten more understanding the longer I’ve been freelancing, but only to a point. For instance, if something happens (like my car getting broken into in the spring, or plumbing problems) my family and friends generally don’t understand why finding time to take care of it during the day is such a problem.
Also, I have found that they really don’t understand when I need to work evenings and weekends due to a looming deadline or a busy period. I don’t think most people get the connection between working overtime as a freelancer and working overtime at a full-time job.
Of course, I think the biggest problem I have is with clients. I occasionally get clients who seem to think I do nothing except wait for them to give me work, and therefore I am available (and have plenty of time to kill) at any time of the day or night.
I had a truly disheartening experience with this just recently. I had asked my clergy for a referral to a church job where I would have to work on-site. I had no idea what he wrote, but when I was interviewed, both people read what I had on my application and resume. . .as well as what he wrote. They both told me, with dismay, that what he said contradicted what I had on my application and resume. He wrote in his referral that I ‘had not worked for years’ and ‘finally decided to get a job’. I’ve known him for years, and for all of this time we have discussed things like ‘how work is going’, what new projects I had picked up, and more. To have him write something like that about me and my situation truly broke my heart. Plus, I am a single mother and he knows I am not getting state/government assistance (I didn’t ask for alimony and I rarely see child support. He knows these tidbits, as well). How does he think I am paying the bills if I am ‘not working’? I am still in shock about the whole thing!
I completely understand and I’ve been there. I’m lucky that most of my friends understand that I do have a “real job.” They know that my schedule isn’t a traditional 9-to-5 but they respect my time.
The hard part was dating someone who didn’t really respect my “work hours.” That didn’t work out at all. It’s easier being with someone who understands and sympathizes with the freelancer’s unstable life.
I’m very blessed in that most of my family truly understand that I do run a legitimate writing business. I attribute this in large part to the fact that my mom is also a freelance writer – she must have paved the way for me! Nevertheless, understanding is not universal, and for those who don’t, I simply try to reiterate that I have deadlines and try to schedule time to spend with them when I am less busy.
The only ones I have a problem with are my kids, and I don’t think there is much I can do about that. They are five and eight and still do need mom much of the time, especially in the summer. Plus I love to be with them.
In two weeks, however, they will both be in school, and I’ll have peace and quiet. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it!
I set firm boundaries. Those who do not respect those boundaries are excommunicated from my universe.
The lack of respect shown for my work means they have a lack of respect for me in general, and why would I want to spend time with people who don’t respect me?
I’ve gotten to be a hardliner about this, but my life has improved enormously since I’ve done so. Not only that, but I tend to attract better people into my life — people who respect me and what I do and my boundaries.
Anyone who’s dumb enough to interrupt my writing time rarely makes that mistake again.
I find this to be a huge issue, especially with my in-laws. I know that they consider me lazy for working from home and think that my writing is just a hobby. Everytime I see them they ask if I have found a job yet. They obviously don’t get it.
My family is mostly supportive and proud. They know that it has been my dream to write for a living. Seeing them so enthusiastic about my work makes up for the condescending remarks of my in-laws.
There are days, however, when even I question what I am doing. “Should I get a part time job to supplement my income? Am I wasting my time?” But every time I have these thoughts it seems like something wonderful comes through and I know that I am going down the right path.
Since I work for a volunteer org. by day, most people are actually impressed that I earn money at all. In Chile, American volunteers are seen as independently wealthy and spoiled. Having come here for 6 months, and now surpassing the year mark with no ticket home, most of the people I know just assume that I’m rich. How can I work for free? I don’t! My day job doesn’t pay (aside from housing) but I’m up nights churning out content. My fellow volunteers just ask: How can I do that?
Well, I was a stay-at-home mom without a job for several years before I started writing. So far no one really sees me as having a job. I blame myself though, my first priority is my family, so I will drop everything (if possible) to see to thier needs. I get most of my work done when they go to bed (7pm!) as I work better at night or early morning anyway.
My husband becomes a little more supportive with each paycheck! So if I NEED to work, he will work his schedule to take care of the kids. So far that hasn’t happened too many times. My clients are pretty flexible and I try not to take too much on at one time.
This wasn’t an issue for me until my husband retired. Now he’s constantly asking me to go out to lunch or run to the store with him. Or hey, we should take in a movie.
No amount of “I’m working” seems to get through. You really hit the nail on the head with the “train of thought” bit. That’s what kills me the most. I’ll be bearing down on a great sentence and then he’s standing next to me sorting the mail onto my desk.
That’s the other thing that kills me. My desk is MY desk! Don’t put things on it!!
I’m a real mess when it comes to getting work done, so I rely on deadlines to do the organizing for me. Space isn’t a big deal to me, because I can always go into another room and sprawl something out there (my house is a big old Greek Revival from 1860 with lots of space).
I do have my own “hours”, but it’s only 11-3 or so. Getting the additional 4 hours in is a matter of making the less structured time come together somehow. Deadlines really do help that!
Well said and how true it is. I have had comments ranging from “What on earth do you do on the computer all day” to comments that continue to suggest unproductivity. It is absolutely frustrating and shows lack of respect and understanding for one’s work. What will I do in response to ridiculous comments? I think I will begin compiling a list of belittling and ludicrous comments to occasionally throw out about others’ employment. No, I’m just kidding, but I might not be soon.
Alesha:
> I think I will begin compiling a list of belittling and ludicrous comments to occasionally throw out about others’ employment.
That’s a good idea, in my opinion.
How do you get anything done in those uncomfortable chairs?
Do you actually *like* your co-workers?
You should get your eyes checked. Fluorescent lights cause a lot of eyestrain.
Yes, I work on the computer all day. Don’t tell me you do stuff with paper memos and all that, do you? Oh, my.
I can imagine it takes about an hour just to calm down after a lousy commute.
It’s so nice not to have a bunch of obligatory meetings to go to.
(et cetera)
This is definitely one of my biggest issues. My parents have come around, but not my fiance’s…not by a long shot. It honestly drives me nuts. The other thing I have found is that everyone suddenly wants to do it once they hear what I do. All they hear is that I work from home. They don’t register that I actually have to DO something during the day. The conversation goes something like this:
“So, you’re a writer.”
“Yup.”
“That must be so great. I’d love to do that.”
“Oh really? Do you like writing?”
“Well…ummm…yeah…I guess so.”
Other people are the hardest part I think. My friend, who just had a baby, recently got into the habit of calling me because she “knew I was home.”
My strategy for dealing is not to answer the phone during my work hours. Dealing with comments is not so simple. It’s terribly upsetting, and I haven’t really found a way to deal yet.
I’ll shut up now…I’m getting angry just typing. It’s nice, however, to know I’m not the only one.
This also seems to happen with writing in general. I’m not a night person, but every so often at night I’ll get a thought rolling on a story or something I’m working on that I’m trying to get out quickly before bed, and my father will yell up at me to go to bed (even though I technically am not supposed to have a bedtime).
It’s frustrating, because I then lose my train of thought because of it or similar interruptions—lately, my brother’s taken to walking in despite my headphones and typing and treating me like I’m being an antisocial brat when I complain.
Also, say Mom has a doctor’s appointment, and she’s nannying today? “[Misti]! I need you to watch Emma!” What am I going to say to that? That I can’t? My parents have already made it clear that home comes first, before (school)work.
Yet, my parents have already all but said recently that they’d be more comfortable with my freelancing (and therefore probably treat it more like a job) if I earned more steady income from it, which I’m hoping I’ll be able to do sometime soon. It’s my friends that give me an easy time of it, but with my parents… “You were home all day, and you couldn’t even take a break to get the dishes done?”
Uh, well, you see, I probably could have assuming I’d thought of doing it, which would have required me to actually get hungry, today…
Does anyone else have that problem of forgetting to eat?
Oh, don’t get me started…
A friend of mine, who’s been a freelancer for 30 years, has finally trained her husband not to bug her when she’s working. This included installing separate telephone lines for them and a “do not disturb” sign on her office door.
As for me, I find it works better, boundary-wise, to tell people that I’m self-employed or I own my own business rather to than say I’m a freelancer. There’s just something insubstantial, and therefore less worthy of respect, about that word (in their eyes, of course, not mine!). I’m also ruthless about not answering the phone during work time, if it will disrupt the flow. Still, the perception is there that I have scads of leisure time because I “work from home.” Very frustrating.
Yes it seems like a stigma with the word “freelancer.”
Personally I’m starting to get over it…even though my family says “Get a real job”…staying home isn’t good for you, on and on it goes.
When I’m working, I don’t answer the phone either. I just looked at my messages yesterday and realized I had gotten extreme…had messages from last Wednesday I think.
So yes I go in streams also like Deb mentioned. Sometimes it’s staring at the cursor blinking…other times something gets done. Either way it’s “time to write.”
I think my son appreciates it that I’m home too.
Oh! I could go on and on about my husband’s family and their views of my work! I was just asked the other day by my sister-in-law when I was going to “start looking for work again.” I usually get really flustered when people ask me these things, though I am still a bit new to this. My husband, thank the Lord!, is very understanding. We even decided together that I would no longer worry about the house during office hours and that we would do it together when he got home. It’s good to have one person on your side!
I know many in the family and most of my friends see me as not working, but I just assume they’ll get over it. But, just like most of you said, it will probably take a steady income or a retort like, “I made such-and-such amount last year from writing, now do you think I work?”
Sigh.
So true! I know friends who definitely think that because I’m at home I should have dinner waiting in a spotless apartment when my husband gets home. I always want to say “Sure, when you leave a meeting or forgo a conference call to get home and cook then I will too!”
Kat>
I have to go that way too. In fact, it took a high-end cellular phone and a new TV and DVD player before people believed I was working. If I force myself to “prove” to people that i do work, I’ll end up spending every last cent of my savings.
Misti,
I have had times where I tend to forget to eat.
^hAHA! When I was new to freelancing, I’ve had times when I forget to take a bath. I just get up, plop right down in front of my computer and work til it’s time to sleep again then I remember I haven’t bathed. LOL. But I NEVER forget to eat or else I’d drop dead.
Me too! Eating can be done in front of the pc, but taking a shower can not!
One other thing I wanted to add…I have some days when I ask myself “Who am I kidding? Other people can freelance but not me” Today is one of those days for me. My creativity left the building with Elvis. He has many sightings though…that’s better than being completely gone.
Do you guys feel like that sometimes too?
I’ve got my laptop in the same room as our family computer, and whenever my husband’s on the computer, he’s usually playing games. I’ve had to explain to my oldest son that when I’m on the computer, I’m WORKING, and not “getting to do computer.”
Right now I have a hat. If I’m wearing the hat, it means I’m working, and don’t bug me unless you’re bleeding profusely.
Sue> That’s a greet technique. Maybe I should wear my high-heeled boots and tell everyone to bug off while they’re on my feet.
Micah> it’s the same with me. There are days when I stare at the blank document on the screen and wait til blood starts pouring from my nose.
As Pat says, among the first steps is to get your family to take you seriously.
But even before that, do you take yourself seriously. I think most in this discussion do, but I’ve known other “writers” who don’t even have a separate workspace.
Not only is this necessary if you want to take the office-in-home deduction (there are complicated reasons you may not want to — I don’t — but I won’t bore you with them). It’s also necessary for state of mind.
I work in half of what would be a full rec room. Though it’s not walled off from the other half, it is separated by file cabinets. Family knows, after a few heated discussions that when I’m here, I’m at work.
There can be interruptions, just like you might get interrupted by a personal call off-site, but when I’m on the phone I’m not to be interrupted and during business hours, interruption should have some importance.
After business hours I might be here too, especially because I have clients in all US time zones but Hawaii. But that’s my time to be a Dad, so they can feel free to interrupt me without being chewed out.
I’ve told my family to assume I’m downtown during the business day. But there have also been times I’ve missed some kids’ daytime events because bills do have to be paid and those events always tend to be during the middle of the day on a Thursday or Friday.
Yet before they were in school, I could take an hour to take them to the park at times. I just had to do it on my schedule.
As far as others who don’t take a business seriously, some there’s no help for. Those who don’t think you have a real job may be making excuses for dead-end jobs they have. I don’t get that at all because my business is incorporated and I don’t tell people I’m a writer. I operate my own writing business.
Amen! Amen! Amen!
I own 3 successful online retail stores and do freelance writing when publications need a dog expert. However, my family cannot understand that I put in more hours working in a day then most people in a corporate office. Heck, my father just finished up a 9-day visit with me and couldn’t understand why I had to put in my hours every day. I was home and should spend time doing things with him. It took every ounce of my energy to try to convince him that the only difference between me and the President of any other small business is that I don’t have to get in my car and spend 45 minutes to get to my office. Otherwise, conference calls, deadlines, etc all still exist.
Thank you so much for bringing light to this topic! Maybe I should print out your post and send it to my family.
Great topic! I think most of us suffer from other people’s perceptions of what a freelancer does. It appears that, since I work from home, I must have loads of time to take care of housework, but in reality, I’m busting tail to make deadlines AND spend quality time with my kids (which is the reason I left the office job). My parents get it — they know I’ve always wanted to be a writer and they are respectful of my decision to freelance. My inlaws are a bit clueless about it. As if writing is such an abstract profession — doing it from home just blows their minds! They will politely ask about how projects are going, but then seem to drift off as I explain what I’m working on. I guess they’re trying, but it seems like they aren’t really interested in what my response is. My husband is supportive — sometimes. I think he wishes he could come home to a sparkling clean house and may wonder why the laundry didn’t get done — I’ve been home, after all! He sometimes says, “well, I’ve worked all day.” As if writing and caring for your kids doesn’t count because you’re at home? Aaaaahhhh!!…. Breathe.
I haven’t quite gotten into freelancing. I’m still in the preparation stages: researching, tweaking my resume, and building an online portfolio. However, I know I’m going to have this problem with my family and my husband’s family to a degree. My father-in-law does the lion’s share of his work from home, so they “get it” to some degree.
There’s one big difference though. Apparently working sales from home is one thing, but making money as a freelance writer, no matter what field, is nothing more than a fantasy. Don’t get me started on even thinking about making an attempt to write fiction as anything other than a hobby.
Thanks for sparking the discussion, Deb. It’s been most helpful.
Deb, continuing Phil’s thought–I was wondering if your business is incorporated? I looked through the archives and did a search, but I didn’t find a discussion about sole proprietorship vs. incorporation. I’ve been wrestling with this decision lately, and I’d love to get your take on it (and the rest of the gang’s, too). People and clients do seem to take a corporation more seriously, even if it’s just you, and I know there can be tax and liability advantages, but is it worth the hassle and expense?
Maybe a new entry?
Boy, can I relate! I love my work, but when people look at my messy house and see me still in my pjs at lunchtime I always get “the look”.
I have teenagers who could help with housework, but they seem to take offense at being expected to do “mon’s work”.
Often I get so involved with my work that I am still not dressed when my husband gets home. He is always home by 2pm and expects me to drop everything to pay attention to him. Oh, and did I also mention that I am expected to homeschool four kids?
I’ve suggested quitting my apparently unvalued job but then I am told that we MUST have my income. I say I need help, I can’t be responsible for everything including an income. All he is responsible for is an income and nothing else.
Somehow I think I must be speaking in tounges because his eyes just glaze over. If I can’t get it done, it just doesn’t get done. It’s my problem, not his. Sometimes I wonder what purpose he has other than aggrevating me.
It’s funny. My parents claim to understand, but they constantly call me during my work hours. Now, they’re not big talkers, so the conversation is rarely more than ten minutes, but oftentimes that’s just enough to disrupt my creative processes. And the worst part is, if I don’t pick up right away, they think “something’s happened” to me, and they call every five minutes until I pick up.
The new guy I’m dating, though, is very understanding. He asks the day before when I’ll be working, and then gives me an extra 20-30 minutes or so before calling to see if I’m free to go somewhere or do something. Occasionally, he’ll see me online and drop me a note, but he understands that I’m busy, and that just because I’m at home, doesn’t mean he can drop in and have my full attention. Or any of it.
^My parents also claim to understand but they constantly bug me too. To cite an example, my birthday is on the 25th and they keep asking me if we are going on week-long trip next week. It took me two full days (and half), a lot of shouting, bickering, and huffing, to make them understand that I’m in middle of writing an ebook and that its deadline is upon me.
As for having a separate workspace, I can’t afford that right now. Our house is not that big and I don’t have a place in which I could be secluded. I only have my room and I have to share that with my sister too. My mom plans to have a small bachelorette’s pad built for me by the end of the year though, so I hope that’ll put an end to all the distractions.
I enjoyed Kathleen’s comments. For those of you old enough to remember Dobie Gillis, my kids (also teens) make Maynard G. Crebbs (sp?) look like a workaholic.
I actually pay them to do small things around the office (scanning, filing) as well as things like mow the lawn that free me up to work. But they’d rather sit all day.
To PAT,
Contact SCORE regarding incorporation. I’ll chime in more if Deb puts up a discussion on it.
Quote from Kathleen:
I have teenagers who could help with housework, but they seem to take offense at being expected to do “mon’s work”.
I am a teenager—wait, no, I’m a few months past being one—but anyway, I am expected to help with the housework as part of living in the house. And school is no excuse.
To refer to Jenn’s boyfriend’s mother’s view of her freelancing, I like that view. When, in the future, I start earning a full-time income from freelancing, I think my parents will start thinking that way. They’re quite practical.
I’ve only had one person effectively claim I was unemployed, even when I was in the middle of a full-time college term. That was maddening. And then, of course, it’s “not a job like” hers handling a central leasing office; it can’t nearly be as draining…
Is all this work-from-home stigma from the scams? Is everyone so convinced that bigger is better that smaller is impossible?
Having paychecks roll in certainly do help make the spouse understand that this is a job. So does having a room that I turned into a real office (not an option for everyone, I know, but when anyone sees this room, with files and papers and projects in process scattered about, they get the picture that I’m a slob, but a busy slob).
It took a while for my husband to get it that this was a real job. He’d poke fun at my sleeping in or working in my jammies or going to my remote “office” to work while watching an afternoon ball game. But he’s my staunchest defender now. When someone makes a crack about me not having a real job, he says, “Maybe not, but thank goodness the checks are real.”
Sometimes the hardest for me is working from home – with 2 kids at home. It means I need to have the kids out of home for two days a week, so on these days I can book interviews and finish up my regular weekly deadline contracts. Sometimes you just need silence to write well. My two day a week sitter gave up babysitting this year. It was difficult to make my husband, family, and friends understand just how much more stressful and harder it was going to be for me without those two free work days.
My husband and children are good about giving me the space to do my work from home when I need to. We have a large computer room (3 desks and systems) with a play area for thee youngest. My family is great about keeping that space available for *just me* when I have looming deadlines or need quiet phone interview time. I find that being strict about this need, especially with the kids really does help. My son knows every Thursday is a “no computer day” and Friday mornings the room and contents are off limits as well. Setting a few rules and guidelines early on really has helped.
To Sue,
Let’s hear it for busy slobs:) I have three desks stacked with papers.
In an old movie, they had planned to shoot at Chicago Trib, but chose Sun-Times instead because there were more papers on more desks.
I have been freelancing full-time from home for the past five years, and quite regularly people close to me ask when I am good to “get a job.”
To make matters funnier, my husband works from home too. So by some people, we are viewed as a “lazy” couple, I’m sure. At one point, someone even suggested we must be drug dealers because how could we have money working at those “stay at home” jobs.
When people ask me to do stuff in the middle of the day, they are often bewildered when I tell them, I can’t. I’m extremely organized and block my work in hours of time and try to stick to it the best I can.
But for how I deal with what others think .. I really don’t deal with it. Because I don’t care. My husband and I make a lucrative living and we get to spend our days at home together. I just smile and ignore the haters and those who just don’t get it.
I’ve been fairly lucky with my family and friends understanding that I do have a *day* job, but I took great pains to set up guidelines when I started (e.g., call my cell phone during the day if it’s an emergency because I turn off the telephone, if you’re calling to gab, do it after X time, etc.). My husband is very helpful and splits the housework with me on Saturdays. My house is a little below par at the moment, but hey–July and August have been busy. He totally understands. My friends and I schedule things a week out just in case, which works well for all of us anyway.
My mother-in-law has been the trouble. She’ll decide to drop in after visiting my sister-in-law (who lives across the street) or call and ask us to dinner at the last moment, and never fail, it is always on a night when I have that 8:00 web meeting with a West Coast client or I promised a Central time zone client that I’d be available until 7:00 that night. Then the “well, she’s only at home” comments start. But my husband sets her straight. :p
My family has a similar reaction to my lifestyle. For the longest time I agreed with them, that I wasn’t really busy or working if I was just writing. When people asked if I was working I’d say, “not yet, I’m looking for a job” or that I was focusing on my studies for now. It was as if I didn’t consider writing a career myself. I was afraid that if I said it they would think I was some freeloader who lay around all day. Something just snapped into place one day and now I finally tell everyone that I am a writer, because that is what I am and I’m proud of it.
Amen. When someone says I don’t have a job, I tell them I do have a job. I’m a self-employeed freelance writer. Then I get the eye roll. My teenage kids are the worst offenders. My wife works full time, so if I’m here they figure I’m on call to take them wherever, do tech support if something blows up. Even if I tell them to wait, I’m working, the “DAAAAAAAAAAD” every 12 minutes busts up my train of thought. I’ve had to flee my house for coffee shops and libraries to get things done.