I want to thank everyone who is offering kind but constructive criticism. I think we’re all learning so much with this, don’t you? I am looking to get someone who is in a position to hire writers to do a Q&A with us about cover letters and samples. I’ll keep you posted.
Let’s get it on:
Dear Hiring Manager:
I am writing to you in response to the advertisement that your company posted on website.com, for a freelance writer. I have included my resume and samples of my work and I am confident that you will find my skills to be on par with the kind of quality, concise writing that your readers expect and have, no doubt, become accustomed to. As someone who has previously worked in a college English department, writing and editing college-level material, I am highly familiar with matters of proper grammar, syntax, fluency, voice, and formatting and am excited at the prospect of lending my services to your magazine.
I am a talented and meticulous writer with wide range who has been writing for several years. My keen eye and attention to detail ensure that my writing is crisp and free of error, leaving room for very little, if any, editing required. I believe strongly that promptness and professionalism are of the utmost importance in writing quality copy for a publication such as yours. Some of the highlights of my qualifications include:
- In-depth knowledge of English grammar and experience with college-level writing and editing.
- Ability to write about a wide range of topics, utilizing the proper voice for the intended audience.
- Proficient copy-editing skills and a tenacity for perfection.
- A strong desire to share my clear, concise writing style with you and with the readers of your magazine.
As a telecommuting freelance writer, I have a great deal to offer your magazine and would certainly welcome any opportunity to discuss with you my abilities as pertains to this position. I can be reached at me@myemail.com or at my home telephone number, XXX-XXX-XXXX. I look forward to corresponding with you. Thank you for your time and for your consideration.
Sincerely,
I think this is one of the better cover letters we’ve come across so far. There are a couple of things I don’t like:
- Dear Hiring Manager – See yesterday’s discussion. If you don’t have a name, leave it blank. I’m just not a fan of one size fits all greetings like this.
- Details and bullet points – I’m a big fan of bulleted lists, but if you already detailed that stuff in your cover letter, adding a bulleted list with the same information is rather redundant.
- I’m still not seeing a whole lot of what you can do for the magazine. I see a lot of I’s and not many “here’s how you can benefit’s.”
What do you think?
Also, there’s still time to send in cover letters. We’ll keep this going as long as you want to keep sending them in.
Professional resume and cover letter writing organizations always seem to state that if you do not have a name, then putting Dear Hiring Manager, Dear Editor, etc., is far more better than putting Dear Sir/ Madam, or even leaving a blank.
It may work in an email but I rarely leave a blank. Only today did I try the “Good morning” opening as an exercise.
I think there is a lot of explanatory writing going on in this cover letter, basically telling the reader what a wonderful writer you are instead of showing it by way of accomplishments.
I’ve received some great feedback recently on why I was chosen for a particular role, and more times out of any, it was due to what I had accomplished and how I had increased sales in some way through my writing ability.
I must admit that were I on the receiving end of a letter that opens with a blank, I would be extremely put off. Simple letter writing etiquette requires some sort of salutation. To me, a blank indicates that the person did not even take two seconds to consider how to address me. I realize that the proliferation of email now means that grammar and other writing skills are falling by the wayside, but I think as writers, it is our job to demonstrate that we know how to write a proper letter.
I always use “Good Day.” Is that good or bad?
I use “Greetings”
Delete bullet point starting “A great desire…” About 100 other applicants have the same desire you do to work for this magazine.
I agree you need to show your accomplishments and how they relate to this PARTICULAR publication. Cover letter feels very generic.
If it’s a biz magazine, show how you’ve written about business. If it’s a travel magazine, show travel samples. If it’s a pet magazine, explain that you own 6 dogs and you’ve written about them for years.
I’d also tighten it. Cut by at least 1/3.
Mariella,
I don’t think “good day” is good or bad, I think it’s fine. Years ago when I had a corporate resume and cover letter made up to help me with my job search, I was told if there’s no name to leave it blank. Many hiring managers don’t like Sir/Madame or To Whom it May Concern or even Dear Hiring person. I landed many gigs without a greeting, so I’m not about to mess with my formula. Also, I was never turned off by anyone sending me a letter without an opening greeting line.
Interesting topic.
This letter left me flat because it didn’t tell me anything about the person applying for the job. Just because you taught college English and can hand in a clean copy doesn’t mean you can write well. What is your writing experience? What are your areas of expertise? I agree with Shell. This letter is a lot of telling, little showing, and it is telling the same thing over and over.
Thanks Deb! The “Good Day” greeting seems to be working for me, but I’ll try sending blanks in the future to see how it works out.
“writer who has been writing”?
“Writer who has been in business,” or “hard-working, dedicated professional dedicated to writing” or something else that doesn’t use two different forms of the same word too close together — that would make me question a writer’s abilities.
I think a greeting of some sort is always in order. You would greet a person on the street first before you begin a conversation. A letter is a more formal means of communication and therefore a greeting should be included.
Some of the sentences are far too complex. Don’t dumb yourself down, but simpler sentences can be just a good and just as effective.
Just wanted to weigh in on the greeting… I have always used Good morning or Good afternoon. I think it starts the email off on a pleasant note and acknowledges the recipient in some way.
Just my two cents!
This letter is another resume. You are more than qulified. Keep it simple and take all the other comments which are well put into the picture. Remember the person at the other end will see a lot of letters or emails for the job. The quicker you get to what you can do and why you are perfect for the job the better.
Mary
I used to be a magazine editor, and I would get A LOT of queries and letters from prospective writers. From my perspective, the fact that you are a freelance writer, with clips, would mean far more to me than the fact that you worked in a college English department. I had many interns who had “college-level” English skills, and that is far different from professional-level freelance writing qualifications, which it sounds like you have. In essence, you’ve buried the lead–state that you are a freelance writer at the top, not at the bottom of your letter. And I don’t know what this magazine is about, but if you’ve written about any of the topics the magazine covers, make sure to state that.
I agree that the bullet points are good, although the way they are presented here are a little redundant. I would write a short, introductory paragraph, then launch into your bullet points. As Mary said above, the shorter and more concise, the better.
Good luck!
I agree with Mary, which is why I disagree with advice on another day that recommended against repeating something in the resume in the cover. Resumes can be lengthy, particularly if one’s been around a while. But there likely only a couple that are most relevant for any particular job. I mention these in the cover, while allowing the resume to further point out depth and breadth of experience. You need to catch the eye quickly. If you don’t do so in the cover, the resume will never even be looked at.
Hi –
I’m new here, and I know this is the correct place to ask this, but where to I post my cover letter for you to review? I would love some feedback.
thanks!
lkh
Hi –
I’m new here, and I know this is not the correct place to ask this, but where to I post my cover letter for you to review? I would love some feedback.
thanks!
lkh
Phil – it’s often suggested not to transfer information from the resume into the cover letter. However, if you rewrite it in a new enlightening way then that should be fine. You basically don’t want to repeat anything word for word.
Ikh, I believe you can send Deb your cover letter at deborahng[@]gmail.com
This letter looks like a boilerplate template that could be sent out to virtually anyone with little or no tweaking. While this is convenient for you, it’s a huge turn-off to editors and employers.
Other than eliminating the redundancy of the bullet-list, I’d include some proof to back up those statements. At least drop a few names. I know this info is probably in your resume, but assume they won’t read it.
Some people said in the other clinic posts that they feel the resume, rather than the cover letter, is the place for linking to clips. I disagree. That theory might have applied to a hard copy world, but doing things electronically is different. Most job posters get so many responses that you’ll be lucky if they even open your email, let alone read your resume.
Just read yesterday’s post on cover letters. Can’t imagine the type of HR work atmosphere where it would be considered appropriate to read cover letters aloud and make fun of them: that is unprofessional, adolescent conduct, may even verge upon illegal.
Anyone wishing to send cover letters for review can do so at deborahng@gmail.com
Shell,
Certainly not word for word. My resume isn’t written in a way that would translate into a good format for cover letter. But for clients in one industry, I might highlight elements of work a, b and c; and for someone in another industry, I wsould highlight/expand on elements of work c, d and e.
Yes Phil,
I think the cover letter is good for expanding on key points in the resume.
I generally try to gear my resume to the industry I am applying, unless other areas of work would benefit that particular industry.
For instance, I do business and creative writing so when I apply for some greeting card writing positions, I now have a enough experience in that particular field to make a custom built resume.
I had an interesting interview with a hiring manager whose name I did not know beforehand, and couldn’t find out. I made the practice of writing “dear (company name) team” or something similar, under the assumption that possibly many people would be reading it anyway and I wanted to stand out just a bit. During the interview, they actually mentioned to me that they thought it was funny. Of course, every job/gig offer is not going to respond well to funny or cute.
When I was running a hiring process, a lot of people used the “Dear Sir/Madam” or addressed the letter directly to our Executive Director, both of which bugged me.
“Just read yesterday’s post on cover letters. Can’t imagine the type of HR work atmosphere where it would be considered appropriate to read cover letters aloud and make fun of them: that is unprofessional, adolescent conduct, may even verge upon illegal.”
Just read this comment as I was making the one above…you may be right, but it happens. It so happens. Everywhere.
Lauren Says:
“Just read yesterday’s post on cover letters. Can’t imagine the type of HR work atmosphere where it would be considered appropriate to read cover letters aloud and make fun of them: that is unprofessional, adolescent conduct, may even verge upon illegal.”
Just read this comment as I was making the one above…you may be right, but it happens. It so happens. Everywhere.
… Until it happens to the person(s) who take the mick!
My main qualm with this cover letter is that it’s repetitive. Go through it once carefully and look for all of the things that you list at least twice: “college-level writing and editing,” “wide range…”, “proper grammar.” Once is enough. It’s not necessary to beat the client over the head with your information.
Please note that “quality” is more often used as a noun than an adjective. “Quality, concise writing that your readers expect” would be better phrased as “High-quality, concise writing that your readers expect.” At least I think so.
Finally, you end your second sentence with a preposition (“accustomed to”) yet go on to state that you are “highly familiar with matters of proper grammar.” Well, show it, please! Proper grammar doesn’t involve ending sentences with prepositions.
Hmm, I’d be put off on all of the “I” statements (particularly about the one “leaving little room, if any, for editing”–that’s a touch conceited, especially since editing is also about developing the right focus for the publication, not just style). I would tone it down a bit and focus more on projects/accomplishments.
My biggest beef with this letter is that I don’t believe the writer is what he/she says. As Carly says, if the writer is “highly familiar with matters of proper grammar” then why the convoluted sentences?
I’d also cut the letter by at least 50%. I don’t read “concise” from this query. In fact, I get the exact opposite.
I agree with Rachel. “Concise” is not the word I’d use to describe these sentences — which are very long and often tortuous.
I would personally opt for a “show, not tell” policy with this letter. For example, instead of telling me that you’re meticulous and that editors love you, why don’t you preset a testimonial from a pleased editor or another cold hard fact that SHOWS me you’re what you claim?
When I place accomplishments in my letter or resume, I always tell the recruiter who interviews me, how I achieved a certain goal.
For example, I increased sales XX% by doing this for the company or by doing that… this way I am backing up my claim.
I usually go into greater detail of how it was done.
A minor disagreement with Carly:
While I agree that the sentence could have been rewritten so as not to end with a preposition, this is a rule that can be broken…an example for my high school (junior year) English teacher once said: “Ending a sentence with a preposition is a something I will not up with put!”
Shell: I have no idea what “take the mick” means.
Phil:
You’re right. I often end sentences with prepositions. I believe to always do otherwise is preposterous. HOWEVER, this is a cover letter for a writing job and the author is billing him/herself to be a grammar whiz. I was only saying that for someone in a position like that, it’s probably a good idea to use proper grammar in every sentence of the cover letter.
P.S. Your English teacher’s sentence could be unobtrusively rephrased as “Ending a sentence with a preposition is something which I will not tolerate!”
P.P.S. I agree with Mel, who remarked that saying one’s work requires little to no editing is a tad conceited. Your writing could be wonderful, truly amazing, and an editor still might need to add to it or change it or chop it in half because of length constraints or any number of other reasons.
Lauren Says:
Shell: I have no idea what “take the mick” means.
LOL Lauren :O
It means to poke fun of someone, you know, to laugh at someone
Concerning the greeting: If I don’t know who it’s going to, I usually just put in a generic “Dear Hiring Manager” or whatever the title is, although lately, I’ve just used “Hello” and gone on from there.
Of the cover letters I’ve read so far, I haven’t seen any that get into specifics of what they’ve achieved or why they are the right person for the gig. This seems like an important thing to mention, although it doesn’t have to be the pat “I did XX amount of sales” or “I cleaned the Augean Stables” kind of hyperbole. I snagged a gig recently on the strength of a cover letter where I talked about the amount my salary rose at past employers in a certain period of time. I’ve found that if you have an employer in your job history who raised your salary more than five bucks an hour within eight months of starting your job, that kind of thing tends to grab notice; after all, money’s a pretty good testimonial to your performance (in general, anyway; too bad it’s not always true). Of course, your mileage may vary.
Carly,
Though my English teacher could have re-worded it, he was making a point. I can’t swear to this, but I believe he was quoting something Mark Twain once said about ending sentences with prepositions.
Again, a brave posting and thanks to the person who submitted this.
The benefits-oriented content is in there, but could be tailored more to the specifics of the position. Also, I think employers are so inured to puffery, they’d probably rather see more specifics to back up some of the claims. You can sell yourself without sounding like you’re bragging. I think someone else said it best – show, don’t tell.
I have a feeling that this is one of those cover letters that we find ourselves writing because we can’t find out any more about the company than what the ad said. A bunch of craigslist ads do this to us…they don’t tell us the name of the company or too many specifics about the job. When this happens (and not all of them are dud jobs) I always feel I have to sell myself because I don’t have too much in the way of saying how I can be of use to them.
At any rate, I agree that the letter is too long. Everything I’ve ever read says that HR or editors don’t have time on their hands and just want a “low down”. I try to keep it to 3 short paragraphs.
The preposition quote is from Winston Churchill, I believe. And I wouldn’t kill yourself to rewrite that sentence to not end with a preposition.
Paragraph 1 and 2 in the cover letter say essentially the same thing. I’d leave the first sentence and cut the rest of the first paragraph. Personally, I like the bulleted list. I wasn’t sure what editing and writing in a college English department meant – it sounds to me like an admin assistant job. If that’s what it was, no shame with that. Provide examples of what you’ve done, and leave that part out anyway. Been a writer for X years is the relevant info here.
I don’t think you need to say you’d be a telecommuting freelance writer since the position is for a freelancer. They can see from your return address where you live and figure it out from there.