Paragraph 1 and 2 in the cover letter say essentially the same thing. I’d leave the first sentence and cut the rest of the first paragraph. Personally, I like the bulleted list. I wasn’t sure what editing and writing in a college English department meant – it sounds to me like an admin assistant job. If that’s what it was, no shame with that. Provide examples of what you’ve done, and leave that part out anyway. Been a writer for X years is the relevant info here.

I don’t think you need to say you’d be a telecommuting freelance writer since the position is for a freelancer. They can see from your return address where you live and figure it out from there.

The benefits-oriented content is in there, but could be tailored more to the specifics of the position. Also, I think employers are so inured to puffery, they’d probably rather see more specifics to back up some of the claims. You can sell yourself without sounding like you’re bragging. I think someone else said it best – show, don’t tell.

Though my English teacher could have re-worded it, he was making a point. I can’t swear to this, but I believe he was quoting something Mark Twain once said about ending sentences with prepositions.

Of the cover letters I’ve read so far, I haven’t seen any that get into specifics of what they’ve achieved or why they are the right person for the gig. This seems like an important thing to mention, although it doesn’t have to be the pat “I did XX amount of sales” or “I cleaned the Augean Stables” kind of hyperbole. I snagged a gig recently on the strength of a cover letter where I talked about the amount my salary rose at past employers in a certain period of time. I’ve found that if you have an employer in your job history who raised your salary more than five bucks an hour within eight months of starting your job, that kind of thing tends to grab notice; after all, money’s a pretty good testimonial to your performance (in general, anyway; too bad it’s not always true). Of course, your mileage may vary.

Shell: I have no idea what “take the mick” means.

LOL Lauren :O

It means to poke fun of someone, you know, to laugh at someone

You’re right. I often end sentences with prepositions. I believe to always do otherwise is preposterous. HOWEVER, this is a cover letter for a writing job and the author is billing him/herself to be a grammar whiz. I was only saying that for someone in a position like that, it’s probably a good idea to use proper grammar in every sentence of the cover letter.

P.S. Your English teacher’s sentence could be unobtrusively rephrased as “Ending a sentence with a preposition is something which I will not tolerate!”

P.P.S. I agree with Mel, who remarked that saying one’s work requires little to no editing is a tad conceited. Your writing could be wonderful, truly amazing, and an editor still might need to add to it or change it or chop it in half because of length constraints or any number of other reasons.

While I agree that the sentence could have been rewritten so as not to end with a preposition, this is a rule that can be broken…an example for my high school (junior year) English teacher once said: “Ending a sentence with a preposition is a something I will not up with put!”

For example, I increased sales XX% by doing this for the company or by doing that… this way I am backing up my claim.

I usually go into greater detail of how it was done.

I would personally opt for a “show, not tell” policy with this letter. For example, instead of telling me that you’re meticulous and that editors love you, why don’t you preset a testimonial from a pleased editor or another cold hard fact that SHOWS me you’re what you claim?

I’d also cut the letter by at least 50%. I don’t read “concise” from this query. In fact, I get the exact opposite.

Please note that “quality” is more often used as a noun than an adjective. “Quality, concise writing that your readers expect” would be better phrased as “High-quality, concise writing that your readers expect.” At least I think so.

Finally, you end your second sentence with a preposition (“accustomed to”) yet go on to state that you are “highly familiar with matters of proper grammar.” Well, show it, please! Proper grammar doesn’t involve ending sentences with prepositions.

“Just read yesterday’s post on cover letters. Can’t imagine the type of HR work atmosphere where it would be considered appropriate to read cover letters aloud and make fun of them: that is unprofessional, adolescent conduct, may even verge upon illegal.”

Just read this comment as I was making the one above…you may be right, but it happens. It so happens. Everywhere.

… Until it happens to the person(s) who take the mick!

Just read this comment as I was making the one above…you may be right, but it happens. It so happens. Everywhere.

When I was running a hiring process, a lot of people used the “Dear Sir/Madam” or addressed the letter directly to our Executive Director, both of which bugged me.

I think the cover letter is good for expanding on key points in the resume.

I generally try to gear my resume to the industry I am applying, unless other areas of work would benefit that particular industry.

For instance, I do business and creative writing so when I apply for some greeting card writing positions, I now have a enough experience in that particular field to make a custom built resume.

Certainly not word for word. My resume isn’t written in a way that would translate into a good format for cover letter. But for clients in one industry, I might highlight elements of work a, b and c; and for someone in another industry, I wsould highlight/expand on elements of work c, d and e.

Other than eliminating the redundancy of the bullet-list, I’d include some proof to back up those statements. At least drop a few names. I know this info is probably in your resume, but assume they won’t read it.

Some people said in the other clinic posts that they feel the resume, rather than the cover letter, is the place for linking to clips. I disagree. That theory might have applied to a hard copy world, but doing things electronically is different. Most job posters get so many responses that you’ll be lucky if they even open your email, let alone read your resume.