Cover Letter Clinic: Day 4
October 19, 2007 by Deb Ng
Filed under Freelance Writing
We have enough cover letters to continue this on through next week. I want to thank not only those who are helping to critique the cover letters, but also those brave souls who sent cover letters in so we can take a look. This week has been enjoyable and informative.
Let’s get it on:
Dear Ms. Name Withheld,
I’m writing in regards to the job posting for a freelance Copy Editor with publishing company. This position fits my desire to continue in the freelance copyediting industry, as well as my experience working on magazines with Southern flavor.
I have been employed with company in city, state, for nearly five years. In my current position as Assistant Promotions Manager for the circulation department, I am responsible for writing and editing a large portion of our direct mail promotions, insert cards, partnership materials, and other promotional pieces. Through my work, as well as my own freelance writing and editing, my proofreading and editing skills have improved dramatically and I have grown to love the editing process.
Whether it’s my own writing or someone else’s, I enjoy reading pages of text and checking grammar, accuracy, spelling, and content. Over the past few years, I’ve had the experience of writing stories for magazine, a regional magazine in city, as well as the special regional section of national magazine. These projects have shed light on the extensive amount of writing, editing, and rewriting that go into producing a well-respected magazine each month.
I pay close attention to detail, I can work efficiently within deadlines, and I have a desire to take on freelance editing projects that give me challenges and new goals. Given my several years of proofing and editing numerous promotional materials, as well as my freelance writing and editing experiences, I am confident that I would be a strong Copy Editor for publishing company.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.
I think this cover letter is kind of redundant. The author tells us in every paragraph about how she’s a proofreader and editor, it’s overkill. Also, like others before her, she tells us all about herself, but nothing about how she’ll benefit the publication. I don’t believe it’s necessary to list all of the promotional materials written, it’s cleaner to say, “I’m responsible for writing and editing most of my present company’s promotional materials.” I’d tighten it up, make it less self-gushy, and more about the client.
“I pay close attention to detail, I can work effectively within deadlines, and I have a desire to take on…”
Two things: Second two I’s are unneeded. Also, if the publishing firm follows AP style — most do — they don’t use the serial comma. In 30 years in the business, I’ve written for only one publisher who used serial comma (as per University of Chicago style book).
Don’t talk so much about how much you want the job. “desire to stay in the copyediting industry… desire to take on challenging copyediting jobs…”
You and 100 other applicants want the job. Hiring person doesn’t want to hear that. It’s obvious you really want the job, otherwise you wouldn’t apply.
Focus more on your accomplishments and what you can offer the company, as Deb says.
I have to look through the other cover letters to see if this has been covered but do you need to state that you are writing about the job.
I was told to never start with a sentence like I am emailing, I am writing, I am applying because it is obvious that that is why you are writing.
What is the best way to start a cover letter?
Sirena
I tend to have the following formula when describing a skill in a cover letter:
Sentence 1: Name skill and where I’ve used and developed it.
Sentence 2: Tell how the skill will help benefit the organization to which I am applying.
How I would do this in the above letter: In my current position as Assistant Promotions Manager for the circulation department, I am responsible for writing and editing a large portion of our direct mail promotions, insert cards, partnership materials, and other promotional pieces. My demonstrated experience producing quality and accurate copy ensures that the work I will do for (Company) will impress readers with its clean style.
I think it is a little nitpicky to worry about serial commas, especially if the ad doesn’t mention which format it uses.
But, it would be a good idea to include the styles you are familiar with.
Oh, and add how the hiring person can access your resume.
I thought this was the best letter yet. Not perfect, but it is applying for a specific job and the writer points out his/her qualifications for said job and experience. It is a bit wordy, however, and the second to last paragraph can be deleted.
Oh, and in response to how to start, this is a stumper. Since I want to communicate to the reader that I’m not just applying to this job as a job, but as something I am truly passionate about, I usually say something like, “I am excited to apply for the position at your company”, instead of “I am writing in regards to the position advertised at your company.” I figure everyone writes, “I am writing in regards,” so I try to make it sound a bit more enthusiastic. I will sometimes also start it with, “I am thrilled to apply for the position at company x because my passion for the editing process will cultivate your company’s already excellent reputation for top-notch work.” I kind of like how it barrels straight into my qualifications without taking two sentences to get to them. I’m not sure if it’s the best move, but I tend to prefer writing that gets straight to the point. The reader knows you are applying for a position, especially if its an e-mail that has in the subject the job’s name, so why not get straight to it. A snail-mail letter might need a little more set-up though.
sirenavs,
It may not be initially obvious, particularly if writing directly to an editor (rather than responding to a blind ad or sending to an hr e-mail).
Therefore, I think it would be acceptable to “I am replying to your advertisement for…” or something similar.
Note that I don’t typically bother with such cold leads, so the cover letters I use typically follow a phone conversation to establish that there is a need. This may be a little old school, but this concentrates time with those more likely to need my services.
Oh, I am post happy today, aren’t I? A general comment on cover letters: a woman I know who has gotten successful in the writing business once told me that it is important as a writer to not only have a well-written cover letter, but an interestingly written cover letter. There are plenty of people who know where to put their commas, and how to make a sentence read smoothly, but there aren’t so many people who can actually make a reader want to read the cover letter. She advised me to try not to write a typical cover letter (and I have to say, I think all of these, while well-written, look like every other cover letter); instead, sit down and write everything how you would want to say it if you weren’t restricted by the formality of job applications. How would you tell your mentor about how excited you are to apply for the job, and what a great fit it is? Write that down, and then re-form it to something formal enough for an application, but that still has the same snap of your enthusiasm. It’s a much more interesting read that way.
Serial comma might be nitpicky, but this is for a copy editing position and at a publishing company. Old school job application techniques suggest that the first thing a hiring authority will do is eliminate all candidates with any mistakes (because there are often hundreds to choose from).
Also, I don’t consider copy editing my strongest suit and I saw this right away.
The main paragraph does seem to be a little long. Everything said is valuable, but could be wrapped up a bit. I think using the word desire so often makes it more about what the job can do for you, instead of what you can do for them. They know you desire the job, because you applied.
You have enough experience to make them want and need you. Use your cover letter to express that.
Thank you for these helpful posts. I always dread writing a cover letter. I was wondering today about being a freelance writer and paying taxes. A lot of people want to get what they can out of taxes, and it helps to know how to do it correctly for your type of income. What should a freelance writer do then?
Thanks, Phil. I usually use a similar opening but someone recommended that I resist starting a letter that way.
Great clinics by the way.
Sirena
I’m new here and mostly a lurker, but because I have experience in the journalism world (newspapers and magazines), I thought I might be able to help on this one.
On Sally’s point about having an interesting cover letter, I think it is important to point out that this cover letter is for a copy editing job, not a writing job, so something like a stray comma will be judged more harshly. It’s also AP style not to capitalize the name of a position unless it comes in front of a person’s name. For a writing job, an editor might overlook those kind of little things, but most copy editors are expected to know and follow AP style. (AP Stylebooks can be purchased online or at Borders or Barnes & Noble.)
I think the others who have commented above are correct in their thoughts on redundancy. Newspaper and magazine editors value space and saying what needs to be said in the smallest amount of space possible. They might look at this cover letter and wonder how the applicant can help them tighten their publication if the cover letter isn’t tight.
I think it’s important that you touch on your experience with other publications as well as your current position. I would cut “I’ve had the experience of” and just say “I’ve written stories” for Magazine A, etc. Not only does that tighten the writing, but it also has a more active, confident voice, in my opinion.
I hate the formality of cover letters more than anything. If nothing else, it’s just not me.
I always start out with:
I would like to be considered for the position XXX.
From there, I can just dive into something more like an elevator speech about how great I am, which while not strictly informal is at least somewhat more relaxed.
I also believe in brevity. Hit the points, and close it with.
I hope that my CV (attached) answers any questions you may have, but if if does not I can be reached in reply to this e-mail or at XXX-XXXX. Thank you for taking the time to allow me to introduce myself.
Somewhere in there is all the stuff about how great they are and that, too. But briefly!
I dunno, howz dat stack up? It at least gets around the formality problem.
re: the serial comma
Really? As a hiring manager you would cut someone who used a serial comma simply because it is not your company’s particular style? When I was hiring, I would look for consistency (if they use the serial comma, they use it throughout), but assume anyone applying for a writing position knew that there was such a debate and would follow house style. I’m willing to suck it up and forgo my commas if it will help me get a job–I guess–but part of me thinks that I spent a long time learning the rules of punctuation, debating the usefulness of a serial comma in my head, and since neither is INcorrect, I wouldn’t want to work for someone who dismisses me for such a superficial reason. But then, righteous indignation aside, I’m now panicking about how I will train myself out of it…
Erik,
Sounds like you and I take a similar approach. Not saying that makes you right, but at least you’re not alone.
Re the cover letter:
I am not a copy editor and have never applied for a copy editing job. I’m not a journalist and can’t say I know everything there is to know about AP style. That said, here’s my input.
I’d get rid of this:
“Through my work, as well as my own freelance writing and editing, my proofreading and editing skills have improved dramatically and I have grown to love the editing process.
Whether it’s my own writing or someone else’s, I enjoy reading pages of text and checking grammar, accuracy, spelling, and content. Over the past few years, I’ve had the experience of”
I’d rework the beginning of that last sentence to:
“I’ve written for magazine, a regional magazine in city…”
I’d get rid of this:
“These projects have shed light on the extensive amount of writing, editing, and rewriting that go into producing a well-respected magazine each month.”
I’d get rid of this:
” and I have a desire to take on freelance editing projects that give me challenges and new goals.”
I’d change:
“Given my several years of proofing and editing numerous promotional materials, as well as my freelance writing and editing experiences”
To:
“Given my experience, I am confident that I would be a strong Copy Editor for publishing company.”
Perhaps it’s just a person preference, but I’d change the last line to:
“Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.”
The other way just doesn’t sound right to me.
Just my two cents.
In the response to the serial comma:
After receiving a new assignment, I always read the editor’s style guidelines. If it doesn’t specify the use of AP style, I’ll use a serial comma. Here’s why. At one point I stopped serial comma usage because I assumed that all editors and webmasters adhered to AP style. While this format is common in print publications, some webmasters aren’t English majors, nor are they familiar with AP style. Hence, they prefer a serial comma. Right after I started using AP style comma’s, I had two editors email me and request that I use serial commas.
Amy Derby:
Despite what I might sound like here and on other boards, I have a terrible lack of confidence in my ability to write or do anything. I never read any of my stuff after it’s published because I simply HATE it.
I also hate 99% of everything that’s written, but I give other people more slack than m’self.
With that in mind, I really to think that the most important thing you can do is put yourself in the other person’s place. Assume that they have HUNDREDS of these things. Why the Hell should they care about yours?
First of all, you have to be brief. Second, your writing should be easy on the eyes, and make them feel relaxed. Third, they should be able to imagine working with you.
That’s a lot to ask from a cover letter, but it’s my goal. The rest of the blather about how wonderful I am and how I cured cancer, etcetera, is just a buncha details. I try to tell it like a story – a brief one.
I’m a Midwesterner, so they need to like me. If they’re all formal and want prose that’s dressed up in a suit and tie, they are not going to like me even if I pay them to. I will get over that and go on to the next gig.
But think what it must be like to read hundreds of letters like yours. If the thought horrifies you, write something a bit more pleasant. See where that goes.
Naturally, this is only my opinion. And since I already said that I don’t think too highly of my own stuff, you can disregard every word.
I’m the writer of this cover letter. Thank you to everyone for such helpful comments! About the serial comma, this is such a bone of contention with me. I’ve always been a stickler for the serial comma–I’ve been using it since I was 6 years old, and it’s hard to stop! I use AP in one of my ongoing editing gigs, and even then it’s hard to not stick it in there. Susannah, I’m with you. Since neither is truly incorrect, I’d hope a hiring manager or client wouldn’t toss my resume just because I use that comma in a cover letter, and would understand that any editor will go by the style of that particular publication.
For an email, I would definitely shorten the letter and make it around 3 short paragraphs in length.
If you are attaching, or either pasting your resume into an email, the reviewer will look further into your background if interested.
The cover letter is used to pique the reviewer’s interest; if it does it’s job right then he/she will definitely want to find out more about you.
I only paste or attach a resume when requested. I would only attach the latter if the company specifically requires an attachment. If there are no guidelines then I paste it because attachments may get deleted.
What you basically need to do is read the ad or posting very carefully and develop a letter that fits their requirements.
I think your 5 year background is a definite plus, especially if it’s related to the industry or position you are applying.
You need to cut out the fluff and stick to the nitty, gritty… don’t tell (by dressing up your words) but show what you have down.
As an editor, I hope you spotted my spelling mistake at the end of my message, only testing
Erik,
I probably sound like a stuck up snob online but, like you, I’m very critical of myself. The thrill of getting an occasional short story published, for example, is lost on me. Rather than enjoying the small glory, I’m usually busy rethinking how I’d have done this or that differently. I’m also a Midwesterner, but some people do take me seriously. Whether or not they really should is another matter all together.
Anyhow, I agree with everything you said above re: cover letters. Just with the small ezine I run, I get hundreds of queries a week. When I get one that’s well written AND original, I’ve gotta smile. Of course, if someone told me they’d cured cancer, I’d be apt to smile a little more.
Lauren,
I think you’re brave for submitting your letter. That goes for all the others whose letters have been ripped posted also.
After all of this talk about serial commas, I guess I’m going to have to learn what one is. :-\
I don’t know that a hiring manager or editor would throw out a cover letter for a serial comma issue. I do know editors who would notice style things and note them in case the person’s resume warrants an interview or a try out. I do hope no one took offense to my earlier comment, but I do know students who would like to be writers who have no idea what the AP Stylebook is or where to get one. I figured there might be some that read this blog.
I completely agree that there’s no right or wrong with the serial comma, especially in the online world. I was always taught to include the comma, until journalism school. Writing English papers with the comma and journalism articles without the comma was always fun.
uh, that should be “and” have no idea, rather than “who” have no idea. sigh.
It could be more concise, but I like this cover letter the best so far. I actually think it is personable without bragging too much or at least addressed specifics about the person’s experience.
My only twinge was the “I have grown to like editing” line (it seems to imply an initial dislike). May be overthinking this though.
What I liked about it was that the writer’s personality came through.
I would definitely leave out the part about how much you’ve improved (you want them to think you’re great, not “better than you used to be”). And they assume you enjoy editing and proofreading, since that’s what you’re applying to do. You’re also burying your freelance experience, when that’s the most relevant experience here. They don’t care if you write (because that does not mean you are a good copyeditor!) or what your current position is. Focus on your copyediting experience. What freelance clients have you had, what kind of projects have you worked on, what compliments have you gotten?
I didn’t think this was for magazine publishing. I work for book publishers, and everyone uses the serial comma. Choose one style and stick with it. Your application will get trashed if it has incorrect grammar and spelling, but a serial comma is stylistic, not grammatically incorrect.