Cover Letter Clinic Day 5
October 22, 2007 by Deb Ng
Filed under Freelance Writing
Good morning all. I’m a little cranky this morning. I used an online discount airline place to book my flight to blog expo, and after I changed the flight they socked me with hundreds of dollars in fees. A lesson to you – always read the small print!
Anyway, back to our cover letter clinic. The response has been quite positive. And remember, if you want to ask an editor questions regarding hiring practices, Ann MacDonald from LoveToKnow has agreed to do a Q&A. Send me any questions for forwarding.
Let’s get it on…
Dear Editor(s),
I am writing to you to apply for a position as a part time freelance writer for McGraw Hill’s ESL/ELT division. I enjoy navigating and reading the latest teaching resources and am particularly interested in upcoming books and resources from the McGraw-Hill Asia site. I am a graduate of Haifa University in Israel where I completed my MA thesis in English literature with a field concentration in linguistics.
I am an EFL teacher to Junior High and High School students at Emek Hahula currently on a full sabbatical. I have taught all levels of English both as a foreign and second language from elementary school to university level courses.My specialization includes designing lessons plans and writing curriculum to meet a variety of criteria such as heterogeneous based teaching, remedial recovery, and matriculating students. I am willing to adapt to the changing needs of the EFL and ESL classroom and create an appropriate curriculum as needs arise. I have built a good, positive relationship with my students, taking particular care of students with special needs. I am also capable of exploiting the material beyond the textbook level.
I am currently at work preparing the final touches of my chapter synopsis and first two chapters from my book – Teaching Weaker Learners, which I plan on completing in June 2008. I intend to send the final version of the book proposal to Gerald Bok of the McGraw-Hill Asia group next week, who I have corresponded with since April 2007 regarding the required materials for the proposal.
Along the non-fiction lines, I write articles for New Teacher Support located at (withheld)which is an online teaching resource for both beginning and seasoned teachers. Currently, there are 119 articles and 53 blogs providing a wealth of information on classroom management, teaching tips, strategies for classroom organization and classroom management, tips for time management and lesson plans and design, and parent contact. I used many web-writing and SEO techniques to optimize the topic for the search engines, which is invaluable for the ranking of my articles and Internet based marketing for teacher materials and resources.I am also a contributing writer for English as a Second Language, which includes various articles on reading strategies, emerging readers, teaching vocabulary and reading. It is located at: (withheld).You will see from my resume the extent of my work in EFL/ESL instruction and the results I have delivered. I am enthusiastic,hard working and dedicated to my work. I enclose my resumefor your attention and would like to thank you in advance for your time.If you should require any further information or clarification please do not hesitate to contact me at the above telephone number or via email. I look forward to hearing from you soon. I would appreciate it in advance if you could confirm you received my attachments and cover letter.
Yours sincerely,
Enclosures:
1. Resume – (teaching experience)
2. Resume – (writing experience)
While this is one of the better cover letters showcased here, it reads more like a resume, doesn’t it? It’s wordy too – certainly there’s a way to summarize the education-heavy experience in a paragraph or two?
Plus, I’m seeing all the “I’s” again. Instead of saying “I did all this great stuff….” change it around to read “Here’s how my expertise can benefit your organization…” This isn’t a blind Craigslist ad so you should make it all about the client. Since two resumes are included, you really only need to summarize your details. The hiring agent can move on to the resume for the full story.
Yup. Main weakness of this letter is that the author does not tell why the company will benefit by hiring *her* rather than every other Jane or Joe that applies for the job. Always state “you win when you hire me because . . . ” Near the beginning, too.
Dear Deb,
I just found your blog with all of it’s resources for writers. I thought I would drop you a line.
Starting today, Advice Network, will be running an advice article writing contest, and we’d like to offer you and your readers an invitation-only chance to enter. If you could post about the contest, I’d really appreciate it. Let me know and I will link back to your from my blog (www.advicenetowork.com/blog ) right away.
We are looking for professionals and enthusiasts to write advice articles for the average person in three main categories, real estate, weddings, and running a business.
The winner of the best advice article will receive a new MacBook laptop. And just for entering, they’ll receive a 4-month vendor listing on AdviceNetwork.com, absolutely free. There is no fee to enter the contest, and we don’t require anyone to purchase a vendor listing.
To enter the contest, go here:
http://www.advicenetwork.com/contest
If you want to learn more about Advice Network, go here: http://www.advicenetwork.com/blog/?p=3
Thanks again. We are excited to hear from you and your blog readers.
Regards,
Alex Schoenfeldt
Advice Network
(888) 316-5259
http://www.advicenetwork.com
test
While composition is one of the better ones thus far, way too wordy! Cut to the chase, highlight specific key items and make a case for why YOU are the correct hire!
test
test test test test
now this works
As Mark says, sell the benefits. In sales vernacular, it’s sometimes called “sell the sizzle, not the steak.”
Consider if you were buying a service, like a carpenter. Would you be more impressed with the trade school he attended and courses he took or with any “before and after” photos he could show you of products and testimonials about his work and a description of how he could improve your home?
testing 1 2 3
Looks to be working here.
Oh, good, glad this is up again.
I’ve worked in educational publishing. The thing they want to know first is: do you have teaching experience? I’d move that into your very first paragraph, leaving out what you enjoy reading and navigating. You might want to explain what particularly you can bring that’s new — what do you address about heterogeneous-based teaching, etc., that’s not already being addressed? What gaps do you fill?
Since you seem to have a book under discussion with this company already, I wasn’t sure what kind of freelance writer you mean to be. Are you pitching this book (and, again, what’s new about it? Is it EFL, since it’s for Asia?), or do you want to write teacher guides or curriculum guides, etc? Think about leaving that out, or reducing it to one sentence (“I’m also in discussions about a book with XXX in the Asia division, aimed at EFL special-needs teachers” [or whatever]).
You might want to talk about what McGraw Hill products you’ve taught with and how your approach to teaching coincides with the MGH philosophy. You have a lot of great experience, but I think you really need to cut this down a lot and focus a little more. This is way short, but more along these lines:
“I am an EFL teacher to Junior High and High School students at Emek Hahula [in where?] currently on a full sabbatical. I have taught all levels of English both as a foreign and second language from elementary school to university level courses.
My specialization includes designing lessons plans and writing curriculum to meet a variety of criteria such as heterogeneous based teaching, remedial recovery, and matriculating students. [Are these fields they are weak in? Do they address these issues? Do you have other more relevant topics?]
I write articles for New Teacher Support and am also a contributing writer for English as a Second Language [mention some article titles! This is a great qualification]. I’m also in discussions with XXX in the Asia division about a book aimed at EFL special-needs teachers.
I enclose my resume for your attention and would like to thank you in advance for your time.”
Good luck!
Maybe I am just a big fan of brevity in cover letters, but I think the entire second paragraph could be cut as well as the mention at the beginning of the third paragraph of Teaching Weaker Learners (PS: Is it just me, or is that kind of a condescending title for a book?).
Paragraph three could be condensed–so many stats and details aren’t needed. Much of paragraph one could be easily rephrased to focus on the client rather than the applicant, as we’ve been discussing. For example, the first sentence could be, “As an EFL teacher with experience writing educational articles and teaching all levels of English, my skills and qualifications would serve McGraw-Hill to great benefit in your part-time ESL/ELT writing position.”
Oops. Forgot to turn off the italics in that second paragraph. Sorry!