Comments on: Cover Letter Clinic Day 6

By: ABCs of Freelance Writing: L is for Letter | Suess's Pieces

ABCs of Freelance Writing: L is for Letter | Suess's Pieces — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 22:47:14 +0000

[...] from the actual site, you might want to use these follow-up links: Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day [...]

By: Bob Zwick

Bob Zwick — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:21:28 +0000

I thoroughly enjoyed reading these cover letters and critiques.
How about posting one that is perfect?

By: Jayne Roceo

Jayne Roceo — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:45:37 +0000

Hello, On Monday I found information on business letter samples. Your post on really added to that, and I found myself nodding throughout your post!

By: Deborah Dera

Deborah Dera — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 12:48:07 +0000

All else aside, no one has mentioned the closing paragraph. I think it’s very weak.

“Please contact me
if you have any questions or would like to discuss this in further detail. In
any case, I wish you the best of luck on your book; I have no doubt that the
end product will be completely rewarding.”

Something like “I’ll be in touch with you in x # of days to discuss my proposal,” would be a stronger way of closing. As it stands right now, this letter says “thanks for reading my letter but I don’t really care if you call me and I probably won’t follow up.” Just my opinion. Any thoughts?

By: Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:08:22 +0000

@Allena: Shouldn’t it be “about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their voices and visions”? I don’t think the “his or her”/their debate applies here. (And CMS really approves “their” as a substitute? Ew.)

More importantly, why is this person looking for work on Craigslist???

By: Allena

Allena — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 02:06:45 +0000

“am passionate about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their voice and vision.” Well, unless all writers on Earth have the same voice and vision, there’s a subject-object disagreement there.”
Their is a fine substitution for “his or her” which distracts the reader- check CMS.

By: Allena

Allena — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 02:05:16 +0000

i also felt the rate was too low!

By: Janet

Janet — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:10:26 +0000

Addendum to my comment above:

Especially since the ad seems to call for an editor, not a proofreader. More work = higher rate. I’d more than double in that case.

By: Janet

Janet — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:08:23 +0000

I liked the letter, but I was shocked by your low rate, especially given your experience. I would at least double it.

By: Shell

Shell — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:48:18 +0000

I’ve got quite a few responses over the past couple of weeks by making the subject line compelling and keeping the cover letter neat and to the point. Not forgetting to add a job related accomplishment too

By: Phil

Phil — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:36:40 +0000

Whether or not to quote rates is a discussion I’d like to see.

Another suggestion on the item above: It looks like this person has a ton of experience. If that’s the case, leave degree info on resume. That’s secondary information after you have a few years of experience.

By: Amy Derby

Amy Derby — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:11:42 +0000

I felt like I needed to stop and make a sandwich halfway through.

I’ve read ads on CL that state they won’t consider you unless you quote a rate, so I’d cut the person some slack there.

By: Shell

Shell — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:58:18 +0000

The letter is far too long and it seems as if the writer is almost begging for work by its long windedness.

It looks like you have some solid achievements but are overwhelming the reader with them, in what should have been an informative, yet brief cover letter.

By: Carly

Carly — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:14:36 +0000

Cory has a good point about proofreading. This editor is even OFFERING PROOFREADING SERVICES despite having errors in his/her own letter, which scares me to no end. Right off the bat, at the beginning of the second paragraph: “am passionate about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their voice and vision.” Well, unless all writers on Earth have the same voice and vision, there’s a subject-object disagreement there.

This letter would turn me off immediately precisely because of all the name-dropping that Deb mentioned in her post. Granted, it is really easy to impress people by dropping names, so maybe it’s not a bad strategy, but it’s definitely not one that would work for me. Mentioning one or two noteworthy clients, max, is all I would look for in a cover letter. Leave the rest to the resume. Bringing up The Oprah Winfrey Show and Fox News might sound dazzling, but anyone who reads the letter carefully can tell that those shows don’t really have anything to do with the services the person performed.

To me–just me–I feel that this letter smacks somewhat of arrogance and is really overwhelming.

By: (army)wife

(army)wife — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:02:19 +0000

I completely agree with Deb that cover letters should be 2-3 paragraphs. I work in HR and I see a lot of cover letters. I do not want to spend all day reading your cover letter when I have 20 others to get through. You may be the best person for the job, but if your cover letter is too long, I’ll get bored and move on.
I wrote for radio and tv in college, so maybe its just really ingrained in me that less is more.

By: Cory

Cory — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:37:21 +0000

This is a stronger letter than some of the others, but it contains punctuation and capitalization errors.

The one thing that all of these letters have in common is that they need to be proofread. Not every managing editor/hiring manager will notice errors, but those who do may assume that a candidate whose cover letter contains errors will also produce substandard work for the company/blog/publication.

By: Phil

Phil — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:15:28 +0000

Agree with Deb and Erik, though I think three graphs as Deb suggests is too brief in most instances. Mine tend to be 5-6, fewer than that doesn’t enable me to sell benefits and highlight the most important items on the resume.

By: Erik Hare

Erik Hare — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:04:55 +0000

I totally agree on all points, but I really want to emphasize that you never list rates EVEN IF ASKED. The person who says the first number loses. I know, I’m a bit hard on that score, but it’s my experience.

Generally, though, I do like this one. Something for the heart and arm and brain. Just remember that brevity is the soul of wit!