What do people say when you tell them what you do?
October 5, 2007 by Deb Ng
Filed under Freelance Writing
Do your family and friends read your work? Not too many of mine are interested. I have a couple of sisters who read my blogs on a regular basis (thanks, guys) but if you were to ask my husband what I write about, he couldn’t tell you. Neither could my mom or my brothers or many of my friends. Forget my husband’s side of the family, they couldn’t be less interested.
Years ago, when I wrote humor column I’d ask if my husband read it and the answer was usually no, he didn’t have time. It hurt. Now I just don’t let it get to me. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me, he’s just not interested in any of the topics I write. Now if I wrote about cars or accounting stuff, I’d have a better chance.
Who knew?
A friend of mine called me the other day and said she gave me a Google and couldn’t believe my name was all over the Internet. When I tell people what I do, they nod politely and sometimes ask a question, but then months later they seemed surprised to find a byline. I wonder if they listen when I tell them how I write for the web.
What’s a blog?
Every time I tell someone what I do, they ask “what’s a blog?” I tell them and they smile and nod. How nice, I found a hobby. Blogging isn’t real writing, like magazine writing, right?
I know it’s not anyone’s intention to be hurtful or minimize my job and that’s why I don’t take it personally any more. Thousands of people visit this blog every day, that’s who I’m writing for.
What do people say when you tell them what you do?
Well, my families first reaction is to laugh! I wasn’t the most dedicated student when it came to English class and I hated writing. I just hated writing what I was told I HAD to write! Everyone else just nods and says, “Wow, that’s neat.” Occassionally I do get the question, “What do you write about?” But that is the extent of everyone’s interest.
All my husband wants to know is how much it pays!
I just don’t bother. People who know me say *oh, you are a SAHM* like that is just sitting around. When it comes out that I write, they give me the hobby grin too.
I am sort of glad as my writing life is the grown up me and my real life is all about the mommy-me. Ugh
Amelia
I usually have the opposite problem– I tell people I’m a freelance writer working from home, and they tell me how lucky I am! I guess I play down the financial instability too much
Probably people are relieved because I am too prickly in real life to be employed.
Amelia
Scenario I
Relative #1: Hi Mariella, I heard you’re working now. What do you do?
Me: Oh, I write.
Relative #1: Really?! That’s great! Which magazine/newspaper?
Me: No no, I’m a freelance writer, mainly for the Internet.
Relative #1: Um…what’s a freelance writer?
——————–
Scenario 2
Relative #2: Hey, what do you do nowadaws?
Me: I’m a freelance writer.
Relative #2: Is that so? How do you go to work, didn’t you sell your car? Where’s your office located?
Me: oh, I work at home.
Relative #2: Oh….HAHAHAHAHA~ Mariella, you’re such a joker.
Me: no…I really do work at home………………
When I say I write, the first ? is usually “what type of books?”
I rarely say I freelance, usually that I run my own writing business — I do hire subcontractors once in a while.
If they ask about my writing, I usually mention it tends to be in trade pubs, so they wouldn’t see it unless they’re in those trades.
If they’re more interested than that, they can Google my name and find a whole bunch of my work.
It varies…some people think it’s really cool and ask how I can “get them into writing…” Others ask when I’m going to get a “real” job. I have decided that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks…my job/business is very real and rewarding. My kids think what I do is cool and my oldest wants to be a writer when she grows up – I expect she will change her mind many times over the next several years but it was really flattering to hear that. Mind you, she thinks her Mom is going to be the next J.K. Rowling…I guess I had better start writing fiction, LOL!
I remember back when I worked as a legal secretary/assistant that someone I met at a wedding asked me what I did for a living. When I told her, she said “Oh” and walked away from me. Didn’t speak to me again! (You would have thought I had told her I was a hooker or something!…Maybe I should have….)
If I say I’m a writer, it depends a lot on the situation.
Men usually say, “Oh ……”
Woman say, “Really? What do you write?” In all honesty, if I knew what a good conversation starter and potential pickup line it was, I’d have said I was a writer long before I became one.
I also avoid the term “freelance”, and I sometimes say “Community Nonprofit Consultant”, depending on the crowd. Saint Paul is full of liberals who are marginally employed by nonprofits, so I fit right in.
Old friends are the most interesting, since they know me as an Engineer. I often have to say that “We just don’t make stuff in this country anymore, so there’s not much need for engineers”. I think that works.
If I’m at a bar, I often tell people I’m a “Professional Irishman”. That means I make a living by charm and wit. I think people buy it.
When explaining it to my many cats, I say I am a starving artist and if I buy any Fancy Feast it’ll be for me, not them.
With my parents, I don’t talk about it. We’re Protestant, you see, and … well, we don’t talk about disappointments.
I too either get the “You’re so lucky” speech or they wait expectantly until I name a publication or website that they recognize then they appear impressed.
My sister thinks I eat bon bons and watch Oprah all day. My mom I think is hoping I apply the degree I earned. My husband reads my writing on occasion but keeps looking for the checks. And my friends are surprised when they come across my byline – I swear, if I don’t go to their place of business and become surprised to find them there…
My parents talk about how people come up to them and enjoy what I write (I write a regular column for my hometown newspaper). Since my parents and I have major political differences, I usually hear from them when I write about politics.
Rest of my family talks to me sometimes, but not too much.
I’ve had different responses depending on who it is. For the most part I just say I write. Done said. I say it with enthusiasm and don’t go on to give details unless they ask. Usually they don’t until maybe later when they ask what sort of things I write. Then I tell them what I am doing at the time (if I can!).
I don’t really care what most people think. My friends and family closest to me love the fact that I have found something I LOVE to do. My husband is my biggest supporter and even though some of my poetry or other articles he might not understand, he is a great listener and support man. My Dad is also a writer (although not published- yet- he says). He just never went any further with it. He has gotten some inspiration from me to start back up again after decades of nothing.
Being a stay at home mom is no easy chore either! Anyone who’s done it, can certainly know what I am talking about. To top it off, I also homeschool. Honestly, I don’t know how I budget time.
For me, it’s a mixed bag. My in-laws are clueless and think I’m just a gold digging wench living solely off my husband’s hard work like he’s supporting a bad habit I have. My own family gets it for the most part – in fact, my cousin finds it hilarious to call me from her office and say “Are you at work?” and I say yes, and then we play around about me leaving the “office” to get a cup of coffee or going home early to do some laundry. However, my friends and peers are usually impressed – and well, then the PTA found out and put these skills of mine right to work!
When I tell people I’m a freelance writer, they think it’s much more glamorous than it is. I think they picture me flying all over the globe to interview interesting people and that I get published in National Geographic or something!
I don’t think anyone actually listens when I tell them (at least that’s how I’m interpreting the blank looks and indifferent attitude). But I agree then when they see your name on the web, it’s like you’re some sort of celebrity. It’s a weird paradox.
People usually say “Like a newspaper reporter?” My basic answer is that I write the content for all the websites they like to visit. It’s an easier answer than explaining what “SEO” means or how blogging is more than a hobby lol.
My family understands for the most part; I have a habit of changing jobs like most people change their socks, so they find anything with freelance in it to be strangely reassuring (probably because I’ve been using the term for a while). Due to the fact that I do a lot of editing and updating existing work, in addition to writing new content, I usually say that I’m a content developer, which sounds much fancier than it is and often confuses people into silence. For some reason, I don’t get a lot of people talking to me anymore. I wonder why that is?
When I lived in L.A. and I told people I was a writer, they’d say something like “oh really, what restaurant do you work at.” A roll of the eyes usually accompanied.
Now that I’m in San Diego, most people say sincerely, “that’s interesting,” and ask what I write about. When I say, among other things, “baseball,” that usually draws a smile or a comment about their favorite team, which unfortunately for them, is the Padres.
As long as I’m not in L.A., I’ve got no complaints. In all ways.
The most common response I hear is, “so, she doesn’t do real work. She just gets to sit and play on the computer all day. Anyone can do what she does.”
Yeah. That’s encouraging.
As a newbie in the field, not many people know what I’m up to these days. My mom, though, constantly inquires, “Have you gotten anything published yet? Have you tried Time or Life? You wrote the best story about lassoing the moon when you were 8 years old. Maybe write something like that.”
Ahem, yeh, Mom, Time and Life…I never thought of those two. And, lassoing the moon? That’s got Pulitzer written all over it.
No one in my family reads my blog, and very few of my real life friends do, either. I’ve only recently begun to get serious about my writing, accepting jobs and making my own work. Those who don’t know me think it’s great that I write, but I get the impression my family thinks it’s just a whim ~ like when I took up sewing as a hobby. It hurts, but I’ve got the paychecks to prove it’s more than just a whim. At least my husband takes me seriously, whew!
Y’all are cracking me up!
I have heard and been asked most of that myself, and had most of those funny, rude, and strange reactions.
I love the ones who decide if it is ‘only the internet’ it can’t be ‘real’ so they must, they decide, then give me career guidance and tell me I need to ‘get published’ (as if it is really easy to do) by Ladies Home Journal or Woman’s Day or something.
They don’t have a clue what topics I write on, or have knowledge and experience in. They just know I am a woman so of course LHJ and WD MUST be the ‘dream publications’ for me: like the Nobel Prize of article writing.
Oooh, I get the ones asking me if I am going to be the next J.K. Rowling (I don’t write children’s fictional novels) or . . .if I know her (‘Cause all of us writers hang out. . .LOL).
Isn’t it funny what people think about writing and writers? It cracks me up all the time.
*SMILE*
I have had a similar experience as others with friends and family using Google to look up articles. I can honestly say I haven’t looked my name up in a few months so it is a pleasure to hear my parents talk about an interview I did. I think I have been lucky compared to others…my parents are happy to see me doing something I love, my friends are jealous and my girlfriend’s family has something to talk about when I come over for dinner
Yes I get the “when are you going to get a real job” look. Others say it’s neat I do what I do.
This is the first time I’ve left a comment here, although I’ve been following Deb’s column religously for several months and thoroughly enjoy her!
When I told folks this spring that I was going to be doing “freelance writing” full time, everyone seemed intrigued, but only a couple have actually inquired about my content writing. (The paranoid part of me thinks they’re rolling their eyes behind my back.) My family knows I “write” but hasn’t really haven’t cared enough to find out details…they’re thinking that it’s something to keep me busy until my daughter gets home from school.
The really ironic thing is that I am so darn proud of what I do! To me, this is so much more important than any of my past career choices. We all know that something tells us to do this against all odds of making a lot of money or getting our names out there. Yet, I am thrilled that my words-and my experiences-may reach even one person and make some kind of difference to them. At this moment, I love saying I’m a freelance writer because this is where my heart happens to be. If I’m doing something in the “real world” to make more money next year, I’ll still be a writer in my soul.
Writers need to write, so who cares what others think? If you write it they will read…
My family asks me for copies of magazines. So far, I’ve only gotten to send out one, but that was really cool.
Neighbors and strangers seem to think I’m famous or rich. I really wish the latter was true. My one neighbor thinks that now I have one, just ONE, article in print until April, that I am moving away.
Well, I’m finally past the “can you run an errand for me” phase with my local family and friends. That is probably due to the fact that reference materials are scattered across my dining room table…
As for my long distance family, the only one that really gets it is my mom. Everyone else thinks I’m sitting at home waiting to have a baby…silly rabbits. I believe I AM my grandmother’s shame since I have two degrees and I’m “wasting” them sitting at home.
My husband just loves that I’m happy and the money’s rolling in. After seeing me stressed out and losing weight at the 9 to 5’s, he’s happy that I’m happy.
Thanks for opening up this topic Deb.
My husband reads some of my stuff and comments on it, and if I ask him to give an article a once-over for me he’s happy to do it. Other than that? I don’t think my parents or my brother have ever read anything I’ve written even though I’ve given them links. I have friends who ask me for links too, but they don’t visit. Or if they do, they don’t comment one way or the other. It hurts sometimes.
It’s funny all the different reactions people have when they hear that we’re writers! I’m in the “blank stare” camp. Sometimes I’ll get a follow-up question, but it always ends up with a smile and nod, and then the subject is changed.
My mother-in-law is the funniest. I had to explain to her that all the stuff that she reads online had to have been written by someone, and that some of it was written by me. And I still don’t think she gets it. She says stuff like, “Oh, you’ve always been so good with the computer.”
Anyway, the best part of being a writer is the writing community, because we all understand each other! Wait, the best part is the paycheck. But the second best part is definitely the community.
Since I haven’t been doing this long, I keep getting asked if I’ve published something yet. I think I’ve told way too many people I will send them links. I don’t like being asked about it. If I have news to share, I’ll share it. I don’t want to discuss queries and assignments and editors who act interested and then disappear.
Yes, I getcha. You’d think they would all be interested in what we are writing! They’re missing out! LOL!
I know it is nice when people take interest. Seems like “strangers” know more about me than those who “know” me. It’s best not to take it personal, even though it is.
I see you are over at bloggingtips.com !!! Yeah!
Under my real name, I own a book review website and have been reviewing books for seven years now. My friends and relatives LOVE that I have books lying around my house all the time, but the second anyone asks if they can sign up to be a reviewer and then follow it with a “how much does it pay? – I usually lose them. People don’t realize that book reviewers don’t earn money – they do get free books, but money rarely comes into the picture unless the website does a lot of advertising, which I won’t do. Sites covered in ads or pop-ups drive me crazy.
For the actual paid writing that I do, I usually get the questions asking how they can get into it and if I can send them job listings. That becomes a touchy situation because it takes time to look up jobs that would be suitable to their knowledge, so I’ve learned to give them ideas of where to search.
In re-reading my post, I realize I probably should clarify that years ago when I started reviewing I used my real name without thinking about things down the road. So now that I do freelance writing, I use my middle and maiden name to separate things from my review site.
When I finish the book I’m writing, I’m still baffled on which name I’ll want to use then. I’m trying to keep it all separate, but I want to keep my names somewhat close to home as well.
That is so funny, people nod and say “aha OK…yeah” You can see they haven´t got a clue about what I do. I live in Brazil and sure blogs are common but not so common and people have no idea you can make money over the internet.
I showed him the money and now he´s happy. But ask him what I do and he wouldn´t be able to tell you. “She writes on the internet” is a standard answer.
When I first started my husband was Very doubtful and said that he would believe when he saw the money.
People don´t realize that you are actually Working and not just sitting around. My husband has no idea of how much time is spent on research and writing etc. He thinks it´s easy. If he only knew…
Thanks for a wonderful blog Deb!
What I say is that I write content for the internet. Then, if they are still interested, I say “You know, when you Google something, and an article comes up on a site, I might have written that. I know how to format the article so the search engines can pick it up easier.” Then they want to know how much I make a month and how many hours I work each day, and they are usually quite impressed – most people I know who work at home right now are losing money, not making it.
I have to wonder about the “blank stare” everyone gets. I wonder if it’s just the other person processing that you’re a writing and thinking about the myriad jobs that could entail.
I need to be discreet about my writing when I’m at my day job. I work at a small-town library and I write erotica. I think people sense my reticence to talk about my work and they’re fascinated, and dying to know about my writing. Usually one of my co-workers announces that I’m a writer to a mutual acquaintance. When asked what I write, I’m vague. I say fiction. When asked if I’m published, I say yes. I can just TELL that people are dying to ask more. I say that I keep it separate from my day job.
Luckily I’ve had some very lucrative work writing stories for emerging readers, and I’ve had a news article published, so I can redirect the conversation there.
None of my offline friends read my work, ever. Since I think some of them would really enjoy certain stories or novels, it hurts my feelings a little. But I remember when I first started writing in 1999 with a big, sprawling, terrible fantasy novel, my good friends who all read fantasy wouldn’t take the time to read it. I just chalk it up to “one of those things.”
People who read my work first and contact me online might become internet friends. But people I meet in the flesh never want to read my stuff.
It’s quite daunting how some people’s in-laws react to their writing work.
My family are fine with it and say don’t work too hard. Yet, one or two of my partner’s family find it hard to believe I’ve actually been published… just because they can’t do it themselves
I think that’s what it is really, the people who can’t write can’t believe a person can actually make an income from it.
I tell people that I write website content. Since I live in Guatemala, that usually confuses them and no one really believes you can earn money online.
My in-laws were very angry when my husband borrowed money to get internet (we had to pay 2 years in advance). They told him that he was being an idiot to believe that I could earn money by writing. And they were angry with me for making him go into debt. I paid that debt off in one month of working online! They still don´t think I earn, though. Frequently, my FIL will comment to my husband that he thinks I´m not looking after my children because I “just sit around playing on the computer”.
since I´m Canadian, I write in English, so no one here reads my work or blogs. My family in Canada doesn´t either. It would be nice to have someone to critique articles now and then, but I do ok.
My husband originally said he would believe when he saw the money, and now he is 100% behind me. He even quit his day job as a teacher (which he hated), so he can look after our sons while I work in the morning. At night, he is a musician, something he loves, but wasn´t able to focus on when he was the sole breadwinner.
“Oh, what do you write?” just before their eyes start to glaze over. It’s my fault for writing about real estate and finance. Those are boring. Maybe I should write about sex, or at least claim that I do. That should turn some heads.
The most typical reactions I get are:
“What does “freelance” mean?”
and
“Why’d you quit your REAL job? Did you have a baby or something?”
Then they want to know how much money I make. After I tell them, they usually give up on the “real job” thing.
Others want to know what I do about health insurance. Some also ask if I have to pay taxes.
Some only hear the working from home part and automatically assume I’m available to take care of their kids after school or during the summer, or accept their packages when the UPS guy comes, or let their dogs out, or any number of other things I’d never in a million years ask someone I barely know to do.
My friends and family are very supportive. At first, most of them asked to see my writing, but after a while they stopped. It would be odd if they still wanted to see each piece I write.
I find it interesting that many of you have people ask how much you make. I would never dream of asking anyone how much money they make at any job.
I haven’t run into anyone yet who has given me the impression that they think I’m not really working. I do know a lot of moms who would love to have the talent to do what I do so they could have the same kind of set up – being home and having a very flexible schedule. I always feel a little guilty when I tell other moms how good I have it,
Great topic!!!! I was just thinking about this very topic this morning when I walked out to my car. My husband’s side of the family doesn’t really get it. Actually, I think my sister-in-law understands, but not my husband’s parents. However, they are completely supportive.
My parents, on the other hand, LOVE it and TOTOALLY GET what I do. My mom wants me to write and write and write! My grandmother was a published author of over 15 children’s books and recently died. My mom wants me to follow in her footsteps. Although blogs and content writing are much different than children’s books, it still makes her feel good.
Lots of people think I’m a stay-at-home mom now. When I left teaching this spring, students told me to have a good time with my daughter, and only a few wished me luck with my writing. I don’t really care about that, but I do wish people like my husband and my mom would read my writing!
Lol, I rarely get that kind of response. Maybe its the age difference. But no one asks me what a blog is, and everyone thinks what I do is really cool.
LOL Karen-bob
When I first started writing I was talking to someone who knew an author and he was also asking me a lot of questions about writing and genres.
It was a good job I had read up on my stuff and had just started a writing course. However, I felt like, oh gosh, what’s he going to ask me next… and most of all would I know the answer?
Most people I know in real life don’t care it seems. They get way more excited over magazine articles though than blogs (for me it’s the opposite). I have a few real-life friends who read my stuff but not many. And some oddball friends assume I;m famous or have connections to big time authors — I’m not and I don’t; I don’t even write books.
What I hate most is that people think I don’t work hard. That pisses me off. Like my ex (he’s not the only one) but he’d come home from work and say things like, “Oh, I work so hard all day — you’re so lucky” or people will say, “You don’t understand what it’s like to work all day” and nod their heads sadly at me.
I HATE that. I work double hard and I work under the constant pressure of no real job security, health benefits, or 4O1Ks. Technically most people don’t have 100% job security but I think it applies to freelancers more than others.
I tell people that I am a professional freelance writer, because I am. They typically ask me what kind of writing that I do, and when I tell them all about the articles that I have created, awards that I have won, etc., they are impressed! Most of my friends and family thinks that it is cool to be able to work from home and make a living. I couldn’t agree with them more!
People have almost always thought it was cool when I told them I was a writer. The differences have been more with me than with them.
When I wrote fiction I was sheepish when I’d tell people I was a writer, because I made virtually no money at it. It was almost like I was playing pretend.
When I worked for a small local newspaper, I felt insecure because people seemed to think I would be writing for something they’d heard of.
When I started freelancing, I made no money, wrote (rarely) for obscure papers, and felt like I was putting people on when I told them I’m a writer.
Now, people’s expectations are right up there with my own hopes. Now, the publications I write for sometimes even outdo their exotic ideas of what an amazing thing that being a “freelance writer” could be. But I’m still waiting for the money to catch up!
I just had my first article published on glossy paper, and my family was proud, but pretty shocked. Somehow writing “on the internet” never registered as real work the way a paper article did, although I made as much or more for ‘net assignments as I did for the magazine article.
Kim> I think I’m among the youngest here (along with you perhaps, and a handful of other people), but unlike you, my peers constantly wonder whether I’m just playing with their heads. Working at home isn’t getting much respect (if any) in my part of the globe.
People still ask “What’s a blog?” Wow!
A handful of close friends and my boyfriend read my blog regularly. One of those friends reads practically everything I get published. My mother reads some, the ones I bring to her attention. As does my boyfriend.
But on the whole, considering the amount I write and the amount of people who are close to me, not many of them are “fans.” But that’s ok. I tell them general things like, “Hey, I got published in a European magazine!” and even if they don’t read it, they cheer me on.
Good friends.
I always make sure my qualifications are on display too… Nicely framed and put on a posh table