I ‘m pretty easy when it comes to comments. Agree, disagree, tell us about your Aunt Sarah, it doesn’t matter as long as you’re nice and as long as you’re respectful. Your point of view is always welcome, just be nice. The only times I delete comments here are if you use foul language or if you’re insulting to any member of this community. I don’t mind the same members posting over and over again, but when other people are afraid to post their own comments for fear someone will insult them, I have to take issue. So please, be nice. Argue your point of view as often as you like, but be nice.
I’d like to apologize to everyone who feels uncomfortable about posting comments or even coming for a visit. I truly believe I have the most helpful blog community around but lately visitors are being scared away by a pile on mentality. Please treat the members of this community as you would guests in your home. Be nice. It’s because of this community I keep the blog going. If I lose that, why bother?
Please. Be Nice.
February 4th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I’m so glad you commented on the etiquette involved in expressing an opinion. I’ve had the experience of being the victim of that pile on mentality when I voiced an opinion that was unpopular. I was openly insulted and called some vicious names; it wasn’t pretty. That experience has made me hesitant about expressing my opinion on other sites.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Amen, Deb! Amen!
I know that some people thrive on conflict, or are perhaps more densitized to it. Personally, I get turned off when the heat really rises. I’m always looking for some way to get people back together find common ground.
Sharing differing opinions is one thing. Just being argumentative is something different. Being argumentative as a style or “way of doing things” is going to turn people off after a while. I get tired of beating up against the same wall when that happens.
I have an 8 yr old daughter who’s personality is like that. She’s so wonderful and brilliant and all. But man, when she just wants to argue to win, I just don’t care what she’s saying anymore because it’s disrespectful at that point. Not saying this is exactly like that because we are all peers here.
But I get the same frustration when I get on here (been on about a month and I’ve seen it several times) and a few people just start slinging grenades from their foxholes. And sometimes, someone wanders in among them and gets smacked. Never mind they are smacking each other. And they either don’t get it, or they don’t care that they are causing collateral damage with their so called “style.”
No one in thegrenade-fest remembers a very basic “Elements of Communication 101″ point - most of communication is in the non-verbals, and if you muddy up your message with the non-V’s, be ready for problems.
@ Maria - There is no reason why an unpopular opinion can’t be handled in a respectful way.
Whatever happened to “agreeing to disagree?” (without making sure you still sling the last grenade into the mess?) There’s a point when one or two people winning actually makes everyone lose.
I hope we can all try to get our points across without crossing the line into disrespect or lack of consideration. The thread about rates this weekend was truly exhausting.
Let’s please self-edit a little for the sake of Deb and her potential headaches and for the readership.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
What I find is that people are far bolder online, so the name calling and insults are more prevalent.
I’m from Vermont and I have to say I think I’ve heard them all. The three key topics for insults are always that there is a group of people down in the southern part of the state with a petition to secede from the nation. That Vermont was the first state to allow same-sex couples to “marry” (though it’s called a civil union) is another strike against us. The last involves a case about four years ago where a judge let a pedophile walk. For whatever reason, the online world feels ALL Vermonters are to blame for these events simply because we happen to live here.
The best way to deal with the narrow minded is to ignore them. There’s no point in feeding the fire because that’s exactly what they want.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
True, so true. Hooking in with it feeds the monster.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
@Deb: I think it is really sad that you even have to mention etiquette in reference to commenting. You would think, since we are all adults, it wouldn’t be necessary to discuss. Sadly, apparently this is not the case; as many people think that is OK to say whatever they please without any respect for others.
Your site is wonderful, you are great Deb and some just need to learn to grow up!
February 4th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Even an aggressive sport like football has rules for unsportsman-like conduct, roughing the passer, roughing the kicker, etc.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Thanks for posting this, Deb, and I apologize for having made any comment that contributes to the sense of tension. I really enjoy your blog and like to come here to share my views or to help others. More often than not, I end up getting picked on, misquoted, bashed and misunderstood. I’m not sure why that is - I don’t experience this on any other blog I comment on (using the same tone and style) and I’m generally welcomed on those blogs.
I’ve found that commentators here at FWG tend to be quite condescending and lofty and others are very bitter and resentful. There isn’t any room for healthy, constructive discussion and debate.
As a Canadian, I enjoy debate - the polite, calm quiet kind that is just an exploration of different people’s views without any personal attack. We like other people’s insight, we enjoy knowing other people’s views, and we’re all respectful of those views. I haven’t met the same sort of open-minded discussion here, and I find it’s very easy to feel attacked, get defensive and not enjoy participating in talks.
Anyways. Maybe recent events have given all of us something to think over. I’m still going to come and enjoy commenting, and I really do hope that I’m not seen as the bad guy for having a different perspective or opinion. It’s happened too often lately. Not fun.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
@ James - When you can own whatever you’ve done to add to a problem, that’s really half the battle, sir! I have a lot of respect for you. That isn’t always easy to do.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
RE: JC : “I’ve found that commentators here at FWG tend to be quite condescending and lofty” & “I find it’s very easy to feel attacked, get defensive and not enjoy participating in talks.”
I agree. I’ve witnessed the same thing. FWJ was built on its ability to help other writers, particularly writers who don’t know where to turn for work. That means there is a mix of higher and lower earners here as well as new and experienced writers, but there seems to be this elitist community of commenters here that can’t respect someone’s decision to work in moderate earning ranges (of course the $1 an article jobs are excepted here). I’m sure that there are people who are regretting ever commenting here over the past few weeks because of the backlash that came over their support of something a few found insulting.
I agree with all that there should be more respect and agreeing to disagree.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I’m not pointing any fingers. It’s clear we’re all passionate about writing, which is a wonderful thing. It’s clean slate time, we’re all friend. Let’s enjoy our friendly discussion and continue to be gracious and helpful to those who ask for our help.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Hey, Deb. I’m really looking forward to those great job leads coming this morning!!
February 4th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
@ Erika K: Job leads are up now!
February 4th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I agree with Erika- there are those who can’t simply agree to disagree. When you post on a blog or forum, you have to be aware that not everyone will agree with you. The ones who can’t tolerate anyone disagreeing can certainly be troublesome. I read this blog every day and almost never post because of the attacks and snobbishness that often appear. I hope that will change now.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
@ Deb - If I might suggest something, a more active presence in the comment thread to defuse situations growing tense might be a good idea. It’s not moderation, but when things start to get disrespectful, it’s your right to post a quick, “People, play nice,” kind of warning. I think that a lack of presence might be one reason that many people get away with the comments they do.
Of course, this might mean you have to give up life to read comments… hm.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I have to say I stopped commenting here a while ago - I haven’t stopped reading, though! Dealing with negativity all the time is exhausting and I’ve said to James on many occasions “Why do you still bother to comment there?”
Anyway, I’m glad you said something Deb and hopefully things will get back on track.
February 4th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Wow, thanks for this post, Deb. I am one of those visitors who still comes to the blog every morning for the great advice and leads, as I’ve been doing for almost 6 months now, but I did shy away from commenting about a month ago for fear of being jumped on or saying the “wrong” thing. Also it’s hard to chime in when the thread appears to be a back-and-forth between only a few people.
Thanks again for the post!
February 5th, 2008 at 12:12 am
@James - I guess I do need to moderate more but weekends are hard - especially if I’m out of town like this past weekend. Plus a major holiday is coming up and the preparation takes up all my free time. (Chinese New Year).
But yes, I will try to be around more often to offer support and smackdowns.
I think if everyone remembers my one and only rule, “be nice” we should be ok.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:42 am
This post gave me great inspiration to post something on my blog about being aware of one’s online persona, not only when it comes to comments, but everywhere you leave your name.
Freelancers tend to rely on other freelancers for support and future gigs, and I think it’s in your own best interest to always put your best personality forward.
February 5th, 2008 at 9:03 am
@James Don’t you know we luv you and Harry?
February 5th, 2008 at 9:23 am
@Deb: Happy New Year to you! Whether you’re delivering smackdowns or not, we still like to have you around.
@Laura: Now you done gone and gave me the warm fuzzies.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
@ Deb - We can hope. But of course, everyone’s version of nice varies - WILDLY. I’ve posted stuff I think is pretty calm and casual and had to do the stop, drop and roll when things burst into flames. I’ve also posted stuff I think is borderline snark and had people mention how diplomatic I remained. It’s… confusing.
@ Laura - I’m blushing. That was a very nice thing wake up and read first thing at… oh, god, it’s 4.55am. I need more coffee.
February 5th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Thanks, Deb. I was beginning to feel out of place here.
February 5th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
4:55am? What the heck are doing up at that time. I am still dreaming of Deb finding me a “dream writing gig”. Oh wait, that ‘is’ the dream….teehee.
I don’t think you guys (well James, Harry just likes feeling the warm fuzzies) are problems at all; but I guess I see it as you try to portray it, adult conversation and debate.
Speaking of which, I need to come by your site again and bug the mess out of you.
Deb Rocks!
February 5th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Yes. Come by our site - I need someone to harass me and keep me from boredom
Just make sure you come to the NEW site and not the old one!
February 5th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
@Laura: What can I say? James gets distracted by flattery, I get distracted by warm fuzzies. And by all means, visit our site often. When James gets bored, I always end up having to overhaul one of our sites.