Time Out: Cover Letters from Hell
April 3, 2008 by Deb
Filed under Freelance Writing
The advertising firm of Killian & Company have a great website featuring Cover Letters from Hell? This hall of shame features awful cover letters from people who have applied in the past. If you haven’t already dropped by the website do visit. It’s well worth ten minutes of procrastination. Some examples:
"Objective: To work in a challenging environment that allows me to use my imaginatiation…. Education: ______ Collage." [Editor's note: Does attending "collage" involve sleepover seminars where you decoupage pictures cut from Teen Scene magazine?]
Love it. A little spell check goes a long way. Here’s another gem:
"Another reason [you should hire me is] your web site is very unfriendly and may sway some clients into not working with you. People use websites of companies such as yours for research and your website thinks that it is witty, but comes off very dull and cheezy." [Editor's note: This is the first entry in a new category we call "Insult Your Way to the Top!"]
And in the "Would you hire this guy" category…
HI
MY NAME IS EUGENE
I’M FROM UKRAINE, AND WERY INTERESTING ABOUT PROFI ADVERTISMENT…
I HAVE SOME INTERESTING AND ABSOLUTELY NEW IDEAS (for example about car brands)… BUT IN OUR FUKING (sorry) COUNTRY ITS UNREAL TO DO OWN BUSSINESS… MAY BE YOU WANT TO WORK WITH US ? ITS WILL BE REALLY GOOD…
BEST REGARDS !
eugene
Now, you can visit the website to view more of these hysterical letters (don’t miss the "Night Before Christmas" cover letter) but I’ll leave you with this important lesson on the joys of spell check:
"Skills: Microst word, excel, and power point. Mulitaks person, public speaking, and surveying.
Professional Associations
Chairwomen of Studnts Teaching Awareness and Responsibility organization
Responsible for research of all 10 event topics, coordinating all campus chiarpersons." [Editor's note: Despite the many obvious limitations of SpellCheck, isn't it worth at least a try ... for instance, while you Mulitaks with the other chiarpersons?]
It appears the Powers That Be at Killian & Company have a great sense of humor. Now…back to your regularly scheduled programming.
I’m going right now! I love laughing at others’ expense.
I have to say, though–I love the ‘Editor’s Note’ about the spellcheck thing. They’re right; it’s one thing to miss a properly spelled but mis-typed word, it’s a whole other ball game to not even bother! Maybe Mulitaksing isn’t the boon it’s often said to be….
The whole site is hilarious. Did you read the Dress Code?
“Since naked employees tend to be distracting, our dress code asks employees and interns, politely but firmly, to dress. Those who remain persistently, defiantly nude may be subject to a reprimand. (We haven’t had to resort to that yet, but we remain ever vigilant.) “
Hey, are they allowed to post my letters without my permissions???
@ Mary: It really is a hoot… this struck me as funny…
“Would I be better off flipping burgers?
That depends. There are pros and cons. Hills and valleys. If aptitude tests point you to a future in professional burgerflipping, go for it. Our internship would be a speedbump on the drive-through of your career.”
This is why I don’t do aptitude tests…what would I do if I found out my true calling in life would be to flip burgers, LOL?
@Jodee
Best to steer clear and stay safe. Finding out now could be detrmental to your psyche! (Or is that your syncopsyche?)
Very funny, but some of those snippets actually make my head hurt!
Honestly, I feel bad for the people who have been exploited. Granted, it’s definitely their responsibility to check their spelling and portray themselves in a professional manner, but it seems like they’re probably already having a hard enough time finding a job, but to then be laughed at,…idunno. I think it’s funny initially but then I realize these are real people and if I made a typo in one of my cover letters and had it publicly ripped apart, I’d really feel hurt.
But this is all coming from someone whose interviewers always say what a great cover letter they received,…so maybe I’m just too attached to my writing, haha.
Whew! I’m glad one of my letters didn’t make it. The Ukrainian one was hilarious. The caps made me think of that Dilbert character Loud Howard.
If you click on that link, get a tissue because you will laugh ’til you cry. Unbelievable. The hall-of-fame you don’t want to be in.
So funny! Thanks for the break – I’ll probably visit again just to “self-ignite” a happy mood! Ha Ha!
OMG! This one was my favorite!
“… But that’s the past. I’ve given them a year of my life in a minimum security work camp and I’m nearing work release status where I’ll be for the next 15 months or so… I need to connect with open-minded people like myself! My crime was a ‘non-violent, victimless’ one. I’m hoping this letter is reaching people who have or do smoke weed …”
Please tell me that individual didn’t actually expect to get a job. I’ll give him one thing, he definitely stood out from the other 500 applicants that applied!
You know, sites like that make me feel so much better about being a writer! Especially since I just went full-time!
Thanks Deb!
Yes, total self-confidence boost!
@ Satisfyte
To be fair, these posts were not just from writers making a small mistake on their cover letters. These are people that should probably consider another profession entirely, that is, unless they are willing to put the effort into actually learning the craft.
I find it amusing in the same way people watching American Idol find those horrible auditions amusing. People actually think they have some form of talent and those closest to them don’t want to hurt their feelings, so they lie to them about how terrible they are. Same concept here just a different medium. I do feel some third party embarrassment for them, though – if that’s of any consolation.
Hi Kristy,
Yeah I know exactly what you mean. I just finished watching Idol about an hour ago, haha.
It’s tragic that more people make it out of high school without having a better grip on spelling and grammar. And it’s also tragic that tone deaf people somehow make it to Hollywood! I’m not bitter, I swear *grumble*
I’ve always had a hard time impressing on my students how important it is to actually proofread their work. Just the other day the suggestion that a paper be written ahead of time and revised a day or two before it was due was greeted with guffaws from every corner of my classroom. It doesn’t seem to matter when I tell them how many employers will throw out an application with a single typo in the cover letter or resume.
But maybe, just maybe, if i tell them that their typo-ridden cover letters might end up posted on teh Web for the world to see and mock…
Oh, I feel so evil — and it feels so good!
LOL! I love that website purely for the cover letters they present. I had found it while I was in school covering an assignment where I had to research cover letters. It brought great joy out of all the boring research I covered before and after finding that website.
Some of the examples are FUKING (sorry) hilarious, lol.
@ Christy
Doesn’t that guy have a backspace key??
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!