So you have to learn not to be afraid of the possibility of rejection, and to not take it personally. No one is trying to reject you, after all. One of the most difficult things to get yourself to believe when you walk into a room to audition is that the casting directors want you to succeed, that they are dying for you to be “the one.” In that moment of fear before beginning an audition, many actors feel like the casting people are just there to ignore them or make fun of them or watch them fall like a figure skater blowing up at the Olympics. It’s not true, though; it’s not about whether they like you or not, whether they want to be your friend or exclude you from the cool group; it’s about what you’re doing and how you fit what they want. #4, I’m sure when you look in the slush pile, you’re absolutely hoping more than anything in the world that you’re going to find something brilliant. Editors and casting directors aren’t sitting around playing some game of “let’s hurt the sensitive artists’ feelings!” if for no other reason than that doesn’t result in profits.

When I don’t get a part that I auditioned for, I always ask myself if it was because of something that was out of my control, as in I wasn’t right for it, or whether it was something I could have controlled. Did I really do my best? Was I really prepared? Should I have been trying for that particular role at all? Did I choose the wrong audition material? Did I wear something that didn’t show me off to the best advantage? Was I focused enough? It’s the same in writing, I’m sure–sometimes you think what you’ve submitted is so great and so perfect that no one could ever possibly reject it, and maybe you’re right. Maybe the editors liked it but have something similar coming up and can’t use it or another reason like that. Or maybe, if you really stop and analyze it, it wasn’t as perfect as you thought.

Anyway, I guess what I’m saying (in an excessively long-winded way) is the best way to handle rejection is just to worry about what you can control, don’t worry about what you can’t, and don’t take it personally.

P.S. I had an acting teacher in college who said on the first day of class that he didn’t give As because he hadn’t ever seen anyone do perfect work. When I got an A- from him, it was one of the best days of my college career.

Also? Lots of practice. Write, write, write. And then, occasionally go back to some of that writing and see if you can revise it to make it better. I love to read books by Natalie Goldberg and other authors about how to improve your craft.

It isn’t always hard. Sometimes you find a subject you love and the writing just flows. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for a bit of improvement. Very few people – if any – can pull off Jack Kerouac.

i have some great editors, they teach me a lot, AND they often point me in the right direction for improving my writing. usually it’s directing me to read certain style books or guides such as On Writing Well, The Elements of Style, The Chicago Manual of Style, etc.

so i wonder, what are some of those other things writers have do to improve their writing abilities

I’ve only recently started editing for a magazine for which I write. In this very short time I have to say that I can see #4′s point that some individuals are not meant to write. Some people feel that they can make a lot of money writing because they think it’s easy. If they only knew how much time each of us spend honing our craft they’d probably think twice about writing. As writers we know the importance of improving our writing and in challenging ourselves. This all falls under never giving up.

@Kathryn – I’m glad this was timely for you. And way to use that query session to improve your pitch. That’s the type of persistence I’m talking about!

@Deb – Thank you. I’ve gotten many rejections and no responses. But my schedule is fairly booked now and it wouldn’t have been if I had given up.

@Jodee – Exactly!
@#4 – Ha! I was thinking about that as I wrote it. I do believe you have to keep honing your writing and figuring out why you’re not getting the right responses. Take any feedback you get and learn to apply it to make yourself better. That said, if I had to dig through a slush pile, I’d probably wish some of them would quit, too.

@#12 – Excellent! That’s the type of determination you need, especially when writing a novel. How many times have we heard of a wonderful novel that got rejected several times before someone took a chance on it. (Just make sure you’re working on your craft and learning to revise and tighten your work!)

@James – That’s a good way of putting it. I think a lot of writers just send something in without doing the research for the right and best way to do it. And I wouldn’t be surprised if many are sending their first or second draft.

@Dani – Thank you so much.

@Ann G. – As soon as you said 80s and Sheryl Crow, I went “No way!” That sort of disregard of the time you’re writing about would bug me, too. I would probably immediately put that book down, losing respect for the author. That’s such a simple piece of research and I would wonder what else she got wrong.

@#4 – Those writers that refuse to learn or improve their craft are the ones that give the rest of us a bad name. I truly think you have to be willing to learn both how to better your writing and your queries. You need to have some skill to go along with tenacity. And don’t worry about all of the comments. I’m glad you’re enjoying the discussion. I had some things to do this morning and couldn’t check in as early as I would have liked.

Thank you all for such a great discussion!

#11, I hope it doesn’t seem like I am stealing your thunder with my few comments thus far. Your post just gave me a few thoughts that I wanted to mention, which is great.

To be clear: I am not knocking writers who have the best of intentions but the worst of experience. I am only knocking people who think that they are the next J.K. Rowling/Dan Brown and refuse to believe otherwise despite the fact that their work tells an entirely different story. Curiously, many of the people who seem to be the hugest champions of their own work are not interested in educating themselves about their competitors or about the work involved in succeeding at their craft–essentially, these people are writers who know nothing (and don’t care to learn) about what actually being a writer entails.

She had one of her characters attending a prom and Sheryl Crow’s “All I Wanna Do” was the theme song. Then the story skipped forward to the present date and Crow’s song was by that point in the book supposedly 25 years old with the heroine reflecting back to her high school days. That song didn’t come out until the 90s. In the 80s, Sheryl Crow was a background singer for Michael Jackson. Anyway, I called her on it, suggesting she might want to go in and choose a more suitable song to the time period, and she was furious. I still remember what she told me, “It’s not as though that would matter to a reader.” Then she proceeded to tell me she hoped I’d never read her books again since I was so picky and that readers like me were a nuisance.

It really bothered me because authors should be able to gracefully handle positive and negative feedback. It’s the readers buying these books, so they need to keep the reader in mind. Sure they have a story to tell, but if they are ignoring their target audience, why write?

After I finish the wallpapering, I’m going to frame the cover of my first published novel and hang it in the middle.

But as someone who spends some time wading through slush pile submissions of cringe-worthy fiction from authors who clearly are not interested in bettering their craft or learning more about their craft, I have to say that maybe there are some people who really should just give up.

Good for you to to repackage your query and send it in again. That’s the kind of persistence that will lead you to success!

And continuing to improve is just as important as pushing on. I once sent in a query that was rejected with a form letter. That same week I attended a conference that offered a session on writing query letters. Using the insight I received I resent the same article idea with my new query and the publication asked to see the article.

If you are easy to give up then writing is not the best course for you to take.

There’s another quote I heard most of my life that starts “nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.”

I needed the reminded this morning that I have to keep on keeping on to get to where I want to go.

But I truly believe the law of averages is in our favor. If you keep plugging away something will give. And hopefully it’s the employer, and not you!

That’s not to say, though, that you should be annoying. Persistent and polite, not irritating.