By Christie Halmick
When I search for gigs online I look for verbal gems, phrases in the help wanted ads that set the tone for my day or for the week.
Like my birthday horoscope, I want a reading that is more than the sum of its parts. A phrase with secret, double meanings that I can repeat to my sister when she calls, or print out and hang above my computer to remind me of exactly what it is I do all day. Today this request: “Button pushers need not apply.” added an extra bit of sparkle to my day.
When I found “Button pushers need not apply.” I hit copy and paste, formatted it in 28 point Comic Sans, and printed it out.
It’s hanging above my computer screen to remind me I am a button pusher. I push buttons to make words. I push buttons to create brochure designs. I push buttons to search for gigs online. “Button pushers need not apply.” hangs there to remind me that I am so much more than a button pusher. I’m creative, talented, and quirky. Maybe someday I’ll be funny. Until then I’ll leave that up to my potential employers, while I work on showing them that my skills go way beyond navigating the keyboard and mouse.
I hope these want ad wordings (quoted directly from real ads) will brighten your day.
• We’re not interested in any garden variety, mediocre talent.
• Please be funny. More accurately, please make me think you’re funny.
• We want to hire someone who has never worked as a full-time writer … because we want to train you OUR way.
• Passionate about animals and writing for them.
• You must love to be online on the computer.
• You would perform almost like a ghost writer.
• Compensation: TBD/Slave-Labor.