*tap, tap* Is this thing on?

Oh my gosh, you guys. I had the most self-congratulatory dream where I beat out something like 500 people to get a high-profile blogging gig on—get this—Freelance Writing Jobs. Like that would ever really happ…Wait just a cotton-pickin’ second! I am writing at FWJ. I’m on Deb-freaking-Ng’s team. There’s Jodee and Tereese, and…uh-oh, James.*

Nah, really. I’m pretty stoked to be here. I’m more than a little nervous, though, after all the hype around getting hired. Everyone’s been talking about how I’m so hilarious and all, and I’m just sitting here with a towel in one hand thanking the gods that you can’t see flop sweat through your monitor.

I’m all worried that now that you folks have been told that I’m Tropic Thunder funny, and I might only be able to give you Good Morning, Vietnam funny. Don’t get me wrong, GM,V was still fun and entertaining; but if you went into it just expecting Robin Williams to do funny voices, then you might have been a little bummed out by the sad Vietnamese people and the scared GIs.

Now that I think about it, it’s an awful lot of pressure you people are putting on me already. I mean, I just got here and you all are expecting giggles and snorts right off the bat, aren’t you? My hope is that you at least get a titter or, at best, a chuckle today; and we’ll let the thigh-slapping guffaws happen naturally as time goes by.**

My goal for this blog is super simple. I want it to be a place where writers can go for a distraction that is still writing-related. We all know how much of our work time gets eaten up while puttering around on the Internet, so I’m planning to use diversionary tactics that slide in just below the guilt threshold. Sometimes I’ll link you to fun things that you just HAVE to see (it’s writing-related, after all) and other times I’ll most likely rant about my Crazy Client in Arkansas.* * *

I actually have quite a few ideas in mind, and some of them are fairly interactive, so I hope there are freelance writers out there who want to get involved. If you have any ideas or suggestions, feel free to send them to me at lornadoone (at) berrybrewer (dot) com. Funny links, article ideas, whatever you can think of that you want to share…send it my way, and maybe you’ll see it featured here.

So, thanks so much to the FWJ team for inviting me into the fold. I’m excited to get started. I do want to warn you that I’ll be out of town for the first week of July with very little Internet access, so if I don’t respond to your comments right away, it’s not because I’m all full of myself now that I’ve got this prestigious blogging gig. It’s because my in-laws live in the Tooleyberries.

Also, now that I’ve set your expectations for me at a ridiculously low level, I’d like to welcome to Simon, who will be adding his own brand of humor to the blog. I’m glad to have the company, and I don’t mind telling you all that I hear he’s Tropic Thunder funny.

* Guess it’s not really a dream, after all.

** Who am I kidding? With this kind of pressure, I’m going to call it a win if your facial expression changes at all while you’re reading this.

***OK, see, I’m lying already. I don’t have a Crazy Client in Arkansas. I do, however, have a Crazy Client; and I feel like less of a scumball if I pretend he lives somewhere else while I talk about him. ‘Cause, you know, if he ever comes across this blog, he totally won’t be able to figure out that I’m talking about him.   “Hey, I made her do 57 revisions and expected her to read my mind…oh, wait, I don’t live in in Arkansas.  Whew!”

Comments

  1. Welcome Lorna. I think I’m a pretty good judge of character and you and Simon will both do a wonderful job.

    Welcome to the FWJ family. We look forward to lots of good stuff from you!

  2. Congratulations on your new gig! Have fun in the Tooley… place. :)

  3. Simon James says:

    Hey no fair, shifting Tropic Thunder funny pressure on to me is, well, a lot of pressure.

    Thanks for the mention though fun stuff buddy, we should make a pact to laugh heartily at each others posts to ensure we are getting at least some giggles and guffaw.

    Bon Chance!

  4. Lorna Doone Brewer says:

    Thanks, Deb and Petula. It’s nice to be here, and it will be nice to be in the Tooleyberries of Montana, too.

    @Simon – I solemnly swear to smile and laugh heartily whenever I read something you’ve written. Unless it’s your will. In that case, I will giggle discretely into my handkercheif. (A promise is a promise, after all…)

  5. Hey Lorna, this blog looks good on you! You’ll do great!!

  6. @ Lorna – Does this mean I make your dreams come true?

  7. Lorna, I can understand the feeling of pressure. A blogger colleague sent me the ad and encouraged me to apply. High on her encouragement, I thought to myself, “Why not? After all, I have survived basic training, potty training, and on-the-job, first-year teacher training. Plus, I’ve won awards for my humorous speeches (ok, really only two 2nd places). I can do this.”

    Into the third day of crafting my cover letter, I was sitting in front of my computer in jammies soaked with the sweat of fear and drinking whiskey straight from the bottle. My husband came in to see what was going on and I broke down slurring out, “I cahnt take duh pwressure. I’d whather go back tuh basic!. He gently put me to bed and when I woke up I quickly deleted my cover before burning my jammies.

    P.S. I love Good Morning, Vietnam and I can just imagine you coming into the blog shouting (virtually, of course), “Goooood Moornin’, FWJ!”

    P.P.S. I still have some whiskey left, if you need any ;-)

  8. Looking forward to reading your funniness! I’m sure you’ll do great!

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