When I was in highschool and on the job, there were a few people I did my best to avoid. It was the girls and women who said what was on their minds, no matter how much it hurt. Not only did I find their manner abrasive, I felt they fed into that catty woman stereotype and gave women a bad name in general. They didn’t agree.They excused their rudeness by saying they were honest. I have a nephew who does the same thing. He’s rude, but feels people need to get over it because it’s the truth and that’s always a good thing. I’m not feeling it. I never though honesty was an excuse to be rude and I’m not a fan of the tough love approach to blogging. I feel there are ways to tell the truth or to get a point across without being mean or hurting people.
Bloggers need to be honest with their readers, for sure but I also feel we need to think about our delivery. Indeed, I’ve had a few ranty moments here myself but I find that angry posts only lead to angry responses. Negativity breeds negativity. Who needs all that?
Bloggers can still be honest without being rude or abrasive.
- Present the facts: Even the most popular bloggers can’t reach everyone. Like highschool cliques, we all have a community of people who think the way we do but we also have people who disagree. There’s even folks who (gasp!) don’t like us at all. Getting all preachy and angry won’t convince anyone outside our cliques to drink our Kool Aid. Presenting facts and discussing issues in a respectful manner works better than raising our voices.
- Intelligent people know how to use words rather than insults: To say the people who don’t think the way we do are idiots or don’t know any better shows a lack of intelligence. Certainly there are better ways to convince others to see things our way? If I was to read a blog post and the blogger said anyone who felt a certain way is a moron, I wouldn’t want to come back. However, if a blogger presented his case in a respectful manner, I’d be more inclined to tune him in. Maybe instead of turning me off, he’d at least give me something to think about.
- Positivity breeds positivity: As bloggers we’re in a position to reach people. The blogs that do the best are the ones that empower people or make them feel good about themselves and the world around them. If our tones are negative, brash, condescending, lecturing and “blunt” all the time all we’re doing is promoting more negativity.
- There are no experts: There are no experts. There are no gurus. Only bloggers who share ideas. We know what worked for us and we’re sharing it with others. It doesn’t mean our way is best. To get all tough love and my way or the highway on our communities only displays our ignorance. Intelligent bloggers may know when to share an idea, but they also know other people are allowed to have ideas too. What a sad place this world would be if everyone had to follow one person’s rules. Oh wait, this does happen and it’s called communism.
Talk to me. How do you feel about “tough love” bloggers and blunt honesty? Which bloggers illicit the best response -positive posting or an in your face approach?
I am rather honest in my blog, but it’s mostly just a reflection of what I’m feeling at the time. If others aren’t interested in it, they don’t have to read it, but those who do always praise me for this quality. Many people feel like they have to write what others want to hear instead of what they truly think. What’s the point of that?
Personally, I like to visit blogs that do more than just give me sunshine and roses or doom and gloom. If the post provokes thought and contemplation, if I laugh or learn something new, if I’m sparked to think in a different way, then I know I’ll be back.
I value authenticity and honestly, as long as it’s not presented as something I HAVE to value, if that makes sense…probably not.
I totally agree with you Deb, you can definitely be honest without being abrasive and rude and I agree that it just turns people off if you are rude. So what’s the point in being honest with someone if they are not listening anyway?
I’ll always favour gentle, friendly bloggers over … well, over the rest.
There’s too much talk about tough love, blunt honesty and whatnot out there. More often than not, these are just excuses that people use to allow themselves to be rude to those who disagree with them. Such bloggers in fact take pride in their rudeness. So it’s not really about “being honest,” but rather about being vain and showing off.
I completely disagree with everything you just said! Just kidding =). Thanks for the great tips, as usual.
Hello Deb,
I stumbled upon your site today and I am glad I did. What you have said regarding ruddness being cloaked with honesty is so true. I think most of us have known people like this. I have a few in my family and it can be exasperating.I have been a Social Worker for over 20 years so I get it.
However, I was talking with a friend the other day about my blog on Google and saying that it was not projecting the energy that I would like. I am thinking that this also is in the presentation. Otherwise you have a boring list of facts. My focus is on health,fitness,aging etc..subjects that can be boring if not presented well. As I thought about this I began to change small bits and built on that. I began to use pictures more and use them to break up the text.
I think it is better.At least it has improved but continues to be a work in progress.
I am very glad I found your site and I will look forward to reading it frequently. I am sure you are very busy but as you have time it would be nice if you also would visit mine. I would welcome your feedback.
Regards,
Carl
sPPMAY Kudos! What a neat way of thinking about it.