Deb’s note: I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago and left it in “draft” for proofreading. As I acted on other blog post ideas, this hung out on the backburner for a while. I found it today and thought it might make an interesting discussion in light of recent events. I didn’t change any of the wording around before posting today.
A few weeks ago, we discussed building both online and offline relationships. They’re each very important for building a freelance writing business.
What you think you see may not be what you get
When I was at BlogWorld in October, I met one of my clients for lunch. She said, “I’m so relieved you’re exactly who you are online.” She told me she met with another of her freelancers at the event and said he was very different from his online persona and she felt rather betrayed.
The anonymity factor
I think about this a lot lately. In the real world, I enjoy friendships and socializing but I’m also a little shy. I never had as many friends offline as I do online.
When it comes to presenting myself and meeting with others, I need a giant confidence boost. I once even spent the hour before a speaking engagement throwing up in the ladies room. Am I a different person because I’m more confident online?
Confidence aside, I talk the same, I write the same and I do business the same online and offline.
I wonder if many of us who spend a great deal of time cultivating online relationships consider whether we have extra “keyboard courage.” I wonder how many of are more confident when we don’t have to make phone calls or attend client meetings. I wonder how many of us are web based writers because of the anonymity the web provides?
Would we be able to achieve this level of success if there was no Internet?
Here’s what keeps me in check. My son is 7 years old. Except for the rare computer game or parentally-approved web search, he doesn’t spend much time online. Before he logs on I tell him to let me know if anyone tries to talk with him. I explain that sometimes people online pretend to be someone they’re not and it’s not always for good reasons.I keep this in mind when I do business. I don’t want to be one of the people I warn my son about.
I imagine it must be very disappointing to find out someone with whom you built a personal or client based relation isn’t who he (or she ) says he is. Maybe that’s why I enjoy online and offline relationships so much. They keep me honest.
Are you the same person online as offline?
No, my online and offline “image” are fairly different. This difference has made me worn out though. I don’t recommend trying to create a persona for your online interactions.
The differences center around my introvert/extrovert nature as well as my thoughts, ideas and goals.
I would say that I filter myself much more online, but I am also more of an extrovert online.
I am the same person online and off. In fact, I counsel my marketing clients to always be true to themselves. The reason? People can smell a phony a mile away. Some people may be really good at hiding their image, but it catches up over time.
I also counsel people to be the same persona on all social networking sites. You can’t be one person on Facebook, one on Twitter and another on My Space. It confuses people who want to get to know you.
Online or off, be who you are. If you are who you are, you’ll attract the right business to you.
I am the same person online and off. It would take too much energy to create a whole different persona, I think.
While I wouldn’t say that I’ve actively created a different persona online, I would concede that who I am online and off is different in some ways. Though it’s not because of anything I do on purpose.
Rather, I’m shy, and actually take medication for social anxiety, and I suppose that I originally became interested in the writerly life because of this anxiety. When I’m writing, I find that I can speak with much more confidence and humor, effectively transforming myself into the type of person I always wished I could be IRL.
Of course, the most important aspects of me are the same: my honesty, my openness, my interests…I wouldn’t say that I’m being false in any way.
I’m the same. I censor myself in the same ways online and offline. I’m probably funnier in person, though….
Pingback: Freelance Writing Jobs for Tuesday, December 22, 2009 : Freelance Writing Jobs for Web and Print
I’m the same online and offline. My motto is “…what you see is what you get?” Creating two different images sounds exhausting. When people meet me, they are surprised that I look (been told I look better in person) like my picture. Some people use pictures from the prom or college– they don’t look like they did when they were 17 or 22.
Most psychologists believe we all wear “masks” to cover up who we really, truly are in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. They are right, it’s human nature to protect oneself from harm.
I have two different personas — the “public” me (writer on environmental and social issues, author, journalist) and the “closeted” me (betrayed wife). I created my betrayedwivesclub web site in order to help others going through the agony of betrayal…but since my children and many friends of ours don’t know, I chose to create a pseudonym. The writing is “me” and the experience is very intimately me, but I don’t use my real name. It feels strange since much of writing over the year has always been very personal and I’m constantly being asked by people whether I have a new book in the works (I do…Betrayed Wives Club book)…and I have to hem and haw. However, best I can do at this point… What are others’ thoughts? Am I shortchanging others (or myself) by not coming out? Or protecting privacy? Or both?
Hmm. A tough question
I would like to think I am one and the same between my online and offline presences, but the fact of the matter is, I am far more “professional” in my online dealings than I am with people in real life. Everyone is. You moderate your language around children, prospective clients, and business clientele. You don’t curse around them, you don’t fart or burp, and you make sure to always put your best foot forward.
Once you are alone with your spouse and your pets, you can wear what you want, swear when you want, wear sweatpants and pink bunny slippers, drink margaritas at 10 in the morning, smoke a doobie every now and again, blame the gas on your dog, and “relax”.
All joking aside…the professional “me” is much different than the “real” me. It’s not taxing for me to differentiate between the two, it’s just a natural change. You are professional with one group of people, and casual with another. I don’t talk about my wife’s period with a client, but I might with my sister.
One thing I pride myself on is transparency. I keep my pictures updated on Twitter and my website, and I keep my bio updated. The way I see it, my website is my “interview” with a potential client. It gives them a chance to see who I am, where I’ve worked, how I act, and otherwise. If we have a phone interview I am courteous and professional, because that’s just good business. I don’t burp while I’m on the phone with a client, and I don’t drop f-bombs. Now, if it’s a friend, and we’re kicking back some beers while grilling up some steaks…there’s just a natural distinction between the two.
I recently met with someone I’d written for pretty regularly over the past 2 years. He was always cordial and humorous via email and our chats but when we sat down for coffee I realized…’I don’t like this guy.’ He was brash and as dry as the coffee grounds we were drinking from. After the conversation I realized editing is a real plus for some people, even if it means their IM’ing isn’t so instant.
When I started to work from home, I did not know where to stand. My dilemma was concerning the fact that I wanted to have an excellent relationship with my clients. To be on the safe side, I have chosen to remain as if I was in an external office.
That attitude gave me the chance to create professional as well as motivating colleagues- to-colleague’s friendships’. My preference is to keep my “home world” private. A reasonable distance helps me to build a sense of separation once I walk away from my desk.
I am the same online as I am offline.