Some grammar rules are just plain dumb. I’m the first to admit this. For instance, the use of “he” as the default singular pronoun (i.e., everyone should proofread his own work) is not only sexist, it’s a bit silly.
That’s probably why the grammatically incorrect “they” and “their” has fallen into common usage as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. While it still makes many English teachers and grammar purists cringe, it’s a case of common sense overriding stodgy old rules.
But I’d like to talk about a less publicized, equally offensive grammatical convention: referring to a baby –or a pet — as an “it.”
Ex: The baby grabbed its rattle.
The dog ate its bone.
This conundrum comes up frequently, as you might imagine, for parenting writers. And for some reason, while my ear has come to accept “their” as a singular pronoun when referring to adults, “The baby grabbed their rattle,” just doesn’t sound right to me. If we’re going to break grammar rules with the knowledge we’re doing so, we must do so in a way that flows properly.
So what’s a writer to do?
Many parenting magazines alternate between using the words “his” and “her” when gender is unknown. It would be cumbersome to switch within the same paragraph, but it works if you alternate every time there’s a new paragraph or – even better – a subhead within the article.
Sometimes I’ll even create an anecdote (I’ll invent a fictionalized anecdote if I can’t find the perfect source) in which the baby has a specific gender, just to avoid this problem.
I’m curious… what do other writers do to avoid calling a baby an “it”? And how do you feel about calling pets “it”? Is that just as wrong?
Thanks to Photos8.com for the baby photo shown here.
I’ve never had a problem with the singular/he rule, but one alternative is to alternate he and she or pick one gender and stick to it. And I agree, your baby or pet isn’t an it! You can frequently rework the sentence to avoid the issue altogether.
No, I will never substitute “they” for the correct use of “he or she”. Don’t get sloppy with this one, writers. It’s what sets the virtuoso apart from the average.
I teach remedial English to college students and the use of “their” and “they” as signle pronouns drives me nutty because it can be avoided while still not being sexist. Writing his/her is one way to avoid the problem. A second way is to use an article instead of a pronoun. For example, the baby dropped the rattle. The third, is use passive voice. For example, the rattle was dropped by the baby. Admittedly, from a style point many find passive voice wordy and annoying. I do not encourage this method. Finally, in some instance the noun to be represented by a pronoun can be made plural. For example, instead of using the word everyone use the word people. People should proofread their work.
I’ll get back to you on a morning when my children aren’t being ‘it’s.
I agree with Jeanne. I don’t use “their” when a singular pronoun is necessary. There are other accepted conventions that work, but I’m not going to be wrong intentionally.
As for babies, they are people. It doesn’t even make sense to use, though I know when I was pregnant, a lot of people use my refusal to find out the sex via sonogram as a “reason” to say “it.” I simply alternate he/she or find another way to work the sentence to avoid the problem.
I’m glad I didn’t confess to actually *using* their when a singular pronoun is appropriate. (I don’t!) It has just definitely fallen into common usage.
I am heartened to see so many writers sticking to tradition on this one… I’ve struggled to give in several times over the past few weeks, especially in content writing.
Jeane, if there were a “like” button on this blog (as Facebook has) I’d give thumbs up to your statement: “Don’t get sloppy with this one, writers. It’s what sets the virtuoso apart from the average.”
And thanks for reading and commenting everyone! Please let me know what you’d like to see more of and what burning grammar questions you have. If I don’t know the answer I WILL find it… or several answers, even, in many cases. LOL
Brandi,
Lots of people give cute little nicknames to the blossoming being growing in their womb. For instance, “bean,” “munchkin,” “junior”.
Out of curiosity and totally off-topic –did you refuse sonograms altogether or did you just not want to know the sex? I know that’s a personal question and none of my business whatsoever. LOL I’m a natural medicine enthusiast and always seeking out women who go “non-intervention” during pregnancy — for articles or to share stories. I won’t be offended if you don’t answer.
Or you can email me if you’d like to continue the discussion privately.
What gets me even more than “it” is when people use ‘baby’ as a proper noun or some form or shortened prefix. The most common is in advertising as in “Clothes for him, her, and baby!” or “Clean up ideas for when baby makes an oops”. I heard this crap at the doctor’s office too, when the nurse said “Doctor will be with you in a few minutes”. Huh?!?
Joey-
Yes… in some ways that’s as demeaning as using “it.”
My favorite? Sign at Old Navy:
“Baby Sale! 50 % Off.”
At the time I was having bad morning sickness and quipped: “What are we doing? We should have just gone to Old Navy!”
It shouldn’t even be about choice.. a cat or dog is a living breathing organism with a gender. Saying your female cat is an IT and a THING is just being ignorant