When Susan Gunelius offered us another copy of her awesome book “Kickass Copywriter in 10 Easy Steps” to give away, I decided to make it a fun contest. We work hard each day. Why work hard to win something cool? I also wanted the contest to be something we could all share and enjoy here rather than have you send something to my email account. Finally, I wanted it to be something even those who aren’t entering can enjoy….and here’s the result.
The Freelance Writing Job limerick contest.
Are you a poet and you don’t know it? Do you enjoy seeing what words you can get to rhyme with “Nantucket?” If so, you won’t want to miss this. I only have three rules:
- Keep in clean (We can live with PG)
- Keep it respectful
- Keep it on the topic of freelance writng
If you curse or use other vulgarity, or if you bash another person or service, your entry will be disqualified. Otherwise, the sky is the limit.
Enter as many times as you like and let your creativity shine through. The contest will close one week from today on April 8th. Judges will include the FWJ team and, we’ll also throw out the vote to our Facebook group and Twitter communities.
Here’s one to get you started:
There once was a writer from Jersey
For jobs she was very thirsty
She started a blog
It lifted the fog
And now she’s at no one’s mercy
Yeah OK, I’m not a poet, but at least I gave it a shot. Why don’t you try too? Ah heck, I’m feeling generous. The winner will not only receive a copy of “Kickass Copywriting” but I’ll throw in $50 for the limerick that makes us laugh the hardest.
How can you refuse?
Not on the topic of freelance writing but an ode to Deb:
There was a young writer of fame
Who got tired of folks mangling her name.
“It’s Ng, not En-jee.”
She’d utter most fiercely,
Which was odd, ‘cos she’s usually quite tame!
OK, now i”m off to see what else I can come up with.
There once was a F, a W, and a J,
That referred to a blog with jobs that would pay.
Its colors were rather eclectic,
So Deb decided on something less electric,
And now I want to drink coffee all day!
At his desk sat a writer named Boris
Whose mind was vernacular chorus
But when the Oxford he sought
Had already been bought
He settled for Roget’s Thesaurus
Here sits Kathy with quite the knack
For making her keyboard go clickety-clack!
Things always look grim
when she hits 200wpm
and her spacebar shatters with a crack!
He sat there on the bench most contrary
His voice boomed so as to carry
With each breath came a shout
As he let his opinion out
On this Potter known as Harry.
His parents named him Hans Schecter
And in truth he looked like a spectre
But without seeing what you done
with the writing assignment you were on
You set off his bad grammar detector!
A the table there sat a lad perchance
who had decided to write freelance
And when they asked him why
He just rolled his eyes
“‘Cause to work I won’t have to wear pants!”
They sat in the same spot each day
Heads bent as if to pray
They looked and they stared
at the pages they bared
that had been written by Roget.
Nouns, pronouns, and adjectives,
Adverbs, Verbs and Expletives,
He cried with a start
I’d rather swim with sharks
than have the headaches punctuation gives.
He was boisterous chap named Nate,
Who wrote of things good and great,
But to his chagrin
whatever he turned in
always came back marked as late.
I sat at my desk for some writing
but Facebook posts were inviting.
I clicked on a link;
My day’s down the sink
and my night? Well, not too exciting.
There was a young writer who’d type
`bout computers she said “whats the hype?!”
So she’d hunt, and she’d peck
Til she said WHAT THE HECK?!
And she ordered a laptop on Skype!
Now she’s writing much more than the past
Emailing stories and articles – so fast!
Til her laptop takes a fall-
and she loses it ALL!
Now she’s back to her typewriter that LASTS!
His wife looked and asked “How goes?”
His reply was “Heaven only knows”
It was perfectly clear
He was not Shakespeare
For his weakness was his prose.
There once was an editor from Nantucket
Who loved to fill the bit bucket
He wielded that red pen
with a wide merciless grin
and said “Oh, you’re by line, I struck it!”
For freelance success you must query
Over many word choices you’ll tarry
If the aim of that pitch
Is the editor’s niche,
You’ll land a contract and be merry!
I gave up my day job to write
and I know it sounds terribly trite
but writing by day
just isn’t my way
so I’m penning my prose late at night.
I fear I won’t make my deadline.
Oh where will I find extra time?
The words just won’t come,
And the day’s almost done.
Made it! It’s oh so sublime.
I get freelance ideas in the shower
The water gives my brain power
So I stay till I’m ruined
And nearly a prune
Yikes! My water is billed by the hour!
I’m a freelance writer who wakes up at noon,
I write a lot of stuff under the shine of the moon,
And that’s just the thing
That lets me buy all my bling
Which will surely get all the pretty girls to swoon.
.-= Michael Kwan´s last blog ..My Make Money Online Book Hits One Million Pre-Orders on Amazon =-.
The 101 keys stare back at me all day
There’s F of course, and W and J
And that’s how it goes
Because they live on different rows
And writing is how I get y pay.
Style is the goal of a writer
We work to make our prose tighter
A penchant for flair,
Makes our words dance on air,
And our editors say “Quite a sighter!”
sometime tis I who actually writes
sometimes it be my wee little daughter
clients dont know what is which
so I’m happy to let her potter
i set up two tables in my home office
one for my desk and one for her doodles
when I look back at my notes
I cant tell my stuff from toodles’
late in the afternoon we sit together
mother and daughter at work et al
we have a snack and gossip a bit
tis the best watercooler of all
.-= Salma Jafri´s last blog ..Part III: How to Write a Winning Proposal on Elance – Top 10 Tips =-.
My muse has taken a vacation
Leaving me without inspiration.
And try as I might
I just cannot write
My mind’s in a state of stagnation.
.-= Sharon Hurley Hall´s last blog ..Stop Multitasking from Killing Your Productivity =-.
She’s a freelancer Jane Doe
Her only companion is a cup of joe
Well, okay, at (rare) times she makes typos
But words never are her foes
And guess what, she’s even in for NanoWriMo
There was an aspiring writer
Clueless, jumping down the water
Wanting to be a freelancer
Her life doesn’t always get easier
But she, ironically, is happier
Great entries so far! What a fun contest idea, Deb!
.-= Susan Gunelius´s last blog ..The Ultimate Brand Champion – Hugh Hefner =-.
My deadline is here, what a drag,
I’m becoming a grumpy old hag,
My thinker’s all thunk,
Get me outta this funk
‘Fore my rep. takes a leap off a crag!
I woke up one morning quite bleary
About to write letters of query
I got writer’s block
I had to take stock
And came to this site for some theory!
“Be productive this morning!” I say
“Do your writing, and don’t stop to play!
First I’ll just take a look
Through Twitter and Facebook…
Hey wait, where went the rest of the day?”
There once was a writer in BC
Who believed freelancing was easy
She got quite a shock
Suffered writer’s block
Now cold calling makes her quite queasy!
My writing is terrifically neat
My knowledge of English can’t be beat
I’ve got great bylines
I’m good with deadlines!
If only I had deadlines to meet…
They always say, “write what you know,”
But frankly, that just doesn’t go.
I’m a jack-of-all-trades,
With laziness in spades,
And no expertise I can show.
My thoughts are like vapor
‘Til my pen meets the paper.
Stirred and stoked,
New ideas are provoked
And I’m off on a marvelous caper.
Oh why am I writing this ditty?
I really must be off my liddy.
I’ve stories to write,
but try as I might,
The damn limerick’s controlling my witty!
There once was an Everyday Poet
who said, “I write well; let me show it.”
Her lance—like her fee
and her spirit—were free,
so soon she went broke, don’t you know it?
There once was a greedy little girl
who wanted all of the money in the world
She started an illegal blog
Stealing money from all
Now in jail and extending her toil
There once was a guy named Pat
He was really fat
He went on a diet
and became anorexic
Now he’s a paramedic
(who writes freelance articles on the side)
A scribbler from Ulan Bator
Said, “Writing is really a bore!
My work is the peak
Of perfection unique,
But nobody reads any more.”
A keen freelance writer, Tim Tapers,
Sent the same piece to twenty-five papers;
They wanted “exclusive,”
Became most abusive,
Thus ending his freelancing capers.
There once was writer for DS.
Who got tired of his CEs’ “distress”.
So he left the site.
To avoid this plight.
And now he earns much less. What a mess!
(^Note: I actually wanted to use BS for the last word in line 2, but it’s considered vulgar in the online dictioanry, so I replaced it for the contest.)
2nd variation:
There once was writer for DS.
Who got tired of his CEs’ “distress”.
So he left like a fool,
Joined the writing cess pool.
And now he earns much less. What a mess!
There twice was a writer who freelanced.
The first time he quit, his affianced
insisted he do.
Bad clients (time two)
showed him how, with his free lance, to be lanced.
.-= Jo Lightfoot´s last blog ..Purple Prose and Poetry =-.
There once was a writer named Cory
Who decided to write a short story
From there she progressed
To Wild tales of the West
And now she is covered in glory.
A speaker who hailed from New York
About writing was going to talk
He set up his board
A whiskey he poured
And said ‘Cheers! I’ve forgotten the chalk.’
For a freelance St. Pat’s job, on Skype,
I gave the editor my hype
When he appeared on my screen
All Leprechaun green
I said, “Sorry, you’re not my type!”
I troll the net daily for work
To find freelancing jobs that lurk
But waiting each day
Are jobs that don’t pay
Money would sure be a perk!
There once was a limerick pig
Who decided she liked lemon figs
She wrote for newspapers
About her new capers
And now does a mean writing jig!
There once was a big, ugly goat.
Who lived under a nasty, green moat.
He ate bugs and grass
That were all made of brass.
Now his belly’s as big as a boat!
Did you ever see a green moon?
It can make you respond like a loon.
The beams that it shoots
Knocks you out of your boots
And then makes you eat worms with a spoon.
Her garden is filled with big flowers
That blossom and bloom every hour
She feeds them real beef
For each tiny new leaf
Is a sign of her gardening power!
Writing is something you do
When you can’t stop and make a good stew.
So a cookbook you’ll read
At the pace of light speed
To show others that you can cook too!
There once was a guy who would write
Articles all day and all night
Then came his break
When an assignment he did take
Let him tell us shed building just right
The best thing about working in the world of freelance
Is the freedom to write while wearing pajama pants
Grab a comfy chair
No matter how messy your hair
And let the words flow from you while in a trance.
.-= Anna Papachristos´s last blog ..The Traditional ‘Drive Safely’ Holiday Disclaimer =-.
A writer got stuck on a thought
No answers from ‘courses’ he bought
He was about to give up
When he looked at his pup
Who told him the words that he sought