As I am writing at work (and I do a lot of writing!), I wasn’t sure about when to use who vs. whom. I thought of your grammar blog again. Maybe you can help?
Ms. B
Ms. B,
Thanks for asking! This topic has been on my editorial calendar for quite some time, and it’s the perfect follow-up to my post about archaic words. “Whom” definitely qualifies as a word that is falling out of favor, although it’s not yet an archaic word to avoid at all costs. We can substitute “who” for “whom” in most cases, and very few people will notice the grammatical faux pas.
If we do the opposite, however, and use “whom” incorrectly where a plain old “who” will do, we risk sounding pretentious. It’s okay to sound a bit pretentious for the sake of correct grammar (like those people who will turn their tongue in circles to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition), but if we’re wrong, that’s another story all together. Why choose the stuffy when the simple will suffice?
If we know how to use “whom” correctly every time, we can sound both well-educated and down-to-earth.
Here’s a trick I picked up from my hero, Grammar Girl. If the answer to the question can be answered with an object (him or her), the question is “whom.” If the answer is a noun, “he” or “she,” the question is “who”? Grammar Girl reminds us that “him” and whom both end with the letter “m,” which makes it easy to remember when to use whom. The rest of the time, use “who.”
Who writes this column? She writes this column.
Whom does this concern? It concerns him.
That’s right — the phrase, “To whom it may concern,” is proper grammar. That’s about all it’s got going for it, unfortunately. It’s not catching anyone’s attention or setting apart an email from the spam that hits our in-boxes every day.
It’s like receiving piece of mail addressed to “occupant.” Which would you open first? The letter addressed to “current resident?” Or the letter with your name printed on that fancy little security envelope hinting that it may just be a check? If someone is important enough that you’re going to write him a letter or send him an e-mail, he’s important enough for you to find out his name.
I can’t think of many other instances in everyday speech where “whom” would be the appropriate word, although I’m sure they exist. Help me out here, please, dear readers: Use “whom” correctly and let me know if it sounds natural to you.
