So you like visiting other blogs and participating in the comments. That’s terrific, because we love having you. Bloggers live for discussion. We enjoy hearing all the sides of the story. We don’t mind disagreement, as long as it’s respectful, and especially enjoy learning a new perspective. Sometimes though, people aren’t quite up on their comment etiquette.

Yes, there is an etiquette process.

Think of commenting at a blog as having a conversation at a party or networking event. If someone only contributes to insult a person or idea, no one really wants to talk to her. If another person turns every single discussion into a soliloquy of how great he has it, people are going to turn away.

Most people enjoy a good discussion among others who add value to that discussion.

Here are a few hints for commenting at blogs. Most of this is known comment etiquette, but as there are new visitors to the blogosphere each day, a refresher course isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

1. Comment, Not Spam

Each blog comment form has a space for “URL.” This is where you place a link to your blog. If, after filling out that box, you still post links to your blogs at the bottom of each comment, you’re now spamming. We don’t mind helping you drive traffic to your blog, we’re just not into your being so obvious about it. If every comment ends with an “I wrote an article about this the other day, check it out…” you’re spamming. The URL box is there for a reason. If folks like what you have to say and feel you added value to the discussion, they’ll click on the link at your name to learn more.

2. Don’t Make it All About You

Try not to turn every single conversation into a testimony of your awesomeness.  We love a success story or a personal approach but to read about you, you, you in every single blog post is a turnoff. Try saying something new each time you comment and add something of value. Saying the same self-serving comments over and over gets a little stale. We shouldn’t all be able to recite your life story by heart.

3. Keep the Name Calling and Finger Pointing in Check

Please avoid calling names when visiting blogs. It makes the community uncomfortable and it makes the blogger uncomfortable. Name calling isn’t a comment, it’s a cop out. If you can’t add something of value, don’t bother commenting.

4. Brevity is a Talent

Comments are just that, comments. When you get into the 500 to 1000 word category, we’re talking blog posts. Do that on your own blogs. The occasional long comment to illustrate a point, is one thing. Don’t use someone else’s blog as a platform to pontificate, or to sell your services or promote your stuff. Use it to be a useful, contributing commentator.

5. Keep it On Topic

Nothing disrupts the flow of a comment stream than to have someone write something having absolutely nothing to do with the topic. Some folks do this to add in an attack on a person or idea, others just add in the topic in hopes of getting answers to a question, and still others just want to start up a conversation on a completely different topic.  Stay focused on the matter at hand, nothing ruins a good, productive, discussion like commentators who throw the topic off track.

6. Say Something Useful

Add value to the discussion. “I agree” isn’t value, tell us why you agree. A snipe at a commenter isn’t value, it’s being insulting. Bringing up something someone said five years ago isn’t value, it’s being a dork. Again, think about how you can add value to the discussion and keep the flow going. Stay on topic and add points that will stimulate thought and add another facet to the chat. Be intriguing.

7. Don’t Feed the Trolls

The moderator will handle trolls so you don’t have to. Trolls feed on negativity so don’t give them the satisfaction. Ignore them and they’ll go away.

8. You’re a Guest in Someone Else’s Home

When you’re commenting on another blog, you’re essentially a guest in their home. Act as if you would act with a group of friends sitting on a couch chatting. Treat the host with respect and treat the guests with respect.

9. Name Calling is Not Disagreement

To respond to a comment with “You’re a jerk!” isn’t disagreeing in a conversation, it’s showing a lack of class. Disagreement is fine, but do be respectful. Get your point across with being insulting or using profanity. Creative, intelligent people know how to rebut without being disrespectful.

10.Go With a Comment Policy

If you find your comments are turning into a virtual free for all, feel free to create a comment policy and moderate offensive comments. It’s not censorship  to want a civil blog. You wouldn’t let anyone call you or your friends abusive names in the real world and it’s fine to keep it in check in your blog.

What are some of your comment etiquette tips? What are some of your comment pet peeves?

There are some interesting discussions going around now regarding the purpose of contests at blogs, especially contests building community. Is it bribery or buying community to offer a contest encouraging community?

As you know, the FWJ network is having a comment contest for the month of October. The reason for this contest is:

• To encourage long-time members to come back into the discussion after recent negativity.
• To encourage visitors to each individual blog to visit the other blogs in the network.
• To encourage newer or lurking members of the community to add their two cents.
• To give something back to the community after a very good month.

Am I buying my community? Perhaps, if you want to see it that way. I prefer to think of it as a reward or incentive for contributing. Blogs have contests all the time, many give away sponsored prizes. I never thought of them as buying comments as much as I thought of them as tools for building traffic and encouraging community. I can’t afford to do this often, but I thought it might be a good way to invest back into a community that’s been so supportive over the years. I could have said “well, the 60th comment gets the prize” but that’s not adding much in the way of substance.

Some blog posts at FWJ receive 50 comments and more. Why not reward our top commentators somehow and encourage them to keep doing what we’re doing? We have other ways of building community here as well. For example we offer stimulating content and useful resources while encourage everyone to add their two cents – and many do. I’d like to encourage others to weigh in too.

Now, I can’t speak for other bloggers, but this is why I have the occasional comment contest. Why do you have contests at your blog?

What do you think – are blog contests a way to buy community or are they a useful tool in motivating a sleeping community – and rewarding them for their loyalty?

I find myself having to defend my comment policy from time to time. I’ve been accused of editing comments so only the rosy ones come through, or being biased about who is allowed to comment at the FWJ network. None of that is true. I have a comment policy in place and like to abide by that policy, it’s really nothing personal. I just don’t feel rudeness or personal attacks have a place in an intelligent discussion.

Here’s the thing, some commentators don’t know how to disagree respectfully. Instead they throw in barbs and digs and downright nastiness. I don’t feel this is necessary for getting one’s point across. The nastiness that sometimes comes through in the comments turns off other members of the community and some leave for good. So yes, I think for a community of this size, a comment policy is necessary.

Why should you have a comment policy?

• It’s a good troll repellent
• It keeps your community happy
• It keeps discussions on topic
• The crankypants who insist on ruining a conversation for everyone will (hopefully) crawl back into their holes
• If there’s too much controversy, folks stay away. When folks stay away, advertisers stay away. Free for all comments are bad for business.

What should you consider when creating a comment policy?

• Your community comes first, if rudeness or vulgarity makes them uncomfortable, ban the offending parties from your discussions.
• Disagreement isn’t the same as abuse or attacks. Folks should be able to disagree all they want as long as it’s kept respectful.
• It’s your blog and your community and you can manage it as you see fit. If others don’t like the way you control your comments, they’re welcome to go elsewhere. If you feel you need to moderate a comment, that’s your prerogative.
• Contrary to what some disgruntleds will have you believe, comment moderation is not censorship. Your blog is not the government, it’s your blog. You’re welcome to keep your comments positive  if that’s what you choose to do. You’re also welcome to keep your comments unmoderated, if that’s what you choose to do. To remove an abusive comment isn’t censorship, it’s good blogging.

Some things I do here at FWJ:

• The first comment for any new community member is held in moderation. Once that is approved he is free to comment as he likes. This helps the deter hit and run trolls or the folks who like to post hateful comments using proxies. I do note IP’s and user names of various repeat offenders so their negative comments can’t get through any more.
• Anyone with a history of negativity or abuse is entered into the moderation panel. They are no longer allowed to take part in a discussion without having every comment approved first. Harsh? Perhaps but I like it a lot better than name calling and meanspiritedness, and so does this community.
• I make mention of FWJ’s comment policy every time a discussion starts heading towards a bad place. The reminder gets everyone back on track

On the other hand…

Someone once told me FWJ has a “hostile” community. I disagree. I don’t believe every comment has to be a happy “ I so agree with your greatness, oh Writing Guru” comment and I appreciate all sides of the coin.  If one of the FWJ bloggers posts something a commentator doesn’t agree with, that person is also welcome to present his point of view, respectfully. To disagree doesn’t make one hostile. To be passionate doesn’t make one hostile. I have never seen a more helpful community. The writers and bloggers that visit this network are so quick to help with advice, tips and commiseration. The comments here are much more than “I agree” or “I disagree”.

I also feel it’s hard to convey tone sometimes. Sometimes we take something the wrong way, but it wasn’t meant to be negative. That isn’t an excuse for everyone else to pile on, and again I’ll try to steer the conversation to a happy place. However, once a comment resorts to name calling, abuses, attacks or trolling, I have to draw the line. Disagreement doesn’t make a hostile environment, but mean people do. Thankfully, there are very few mean people here.

Tell us about your community’s comment policy. Do you moderate? If so, what sort of rules do you have in place?

Discuss…