1. It’s NSFW because of some naughty language (in addition to bad grammar, of course).
2. A lot of people on my Facebook friends list are lucky I don’t have a taser like these grammar police.

OK, this one isn’t actually writing related, but since I already posted a link to a Tik Tok parody, I figured I might as well throw in my very favorite one. It’s geeky-ish-ly delicious.

I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only freelance writer out here that takes on the occasional less-than-stellar project. I admit, there are times that I accept a project based solely on the fact that I want the money that goes along with finishing the task. There’s a certain article about vaginal yeast infections that comes to mind, for example.

There are other projects that just drag on fooooreeeeveeeerrrr. You know these projects. They start out sounding very simple and straightforward, and by the time you’re into the fourth line revision you finally have to admit to yourself that your client is completely insane, and you will end up making approximately nine cents an hour because you bid a flat fee at the onset.

So, there are times when I feel the need to celebrate at the close of a project. I’ll fully admit that some of these times have involved varying amounts of alcohol. Others have revolved around my calculator as I punched in numbers and reminded myself that it was all about the paycheck. This week, my reward for a particularly grueling client experience was the fact that I was able to pay to have my front yard fenced. Those celebrations are particularly sweet.

These guy, though…They know how to celebrate when they reach their goals:

Anyway, that whole part of the conversation kept reminding me of a hilarious story that one of my favorite comedians (Dan Cummins) tells about the origin of his own fear of clowns. I must warn you that this is absolutely NSFW, but it’s a pretty funny story, nonetheless.

Ooh, ooh. I even just figured out how to make this post writing-related: I’m trying to pitch a story about Dan to a magazine that showcases talent to colleges around the country.

10-Year-Old Me: Mom, what’ this word mean? (Pointing to the slang term used.)
Panicked Mother: What do you think it means?
10-Year-Old Me: Never mind.

I worked my way through most of his then-existing cannon by the time I got to college and pleasure reading went by the wayside.

Later on, I read his On Writing and was quite pleased to discover that The King of Horror and I have a pretty similar approach to the writing process. I’m one of those people who will take validation where I can find it…or pretend it exists. I haven’t read a whole lot of SK’s most recent works, with the exception of Under the Dome. I ordered and read it on my Kindle and had no idea it had been a particularly long book (Kindle doesn’t show page numbers) until other people who had read it on paper were freaking out about it.

Still, I have a soft spot for this particular author. I also happen to think that Conan O’Brien is hilarious. So, I was pleased to find this clip of King on Conan’s old Late Night show. It turns out that even though he’s a bit…well, odd…Stevie can hold his own against Conan’s comic chops.

Check out The Sassy Gay Friend and The Giving Tree, with BONUS literary allusion to To Kill a Mockingbird.

I only got 3 out of 5 correct. How did you do?

That said, I love me some Shakespeare. I have a BA in Theatre Arts, and my dream was to play Ophelia, preferably with the Theatre Department’s heartthrob in the role of Hamlet. Because then he’d have to notice me, right? Of course, I found out years later that at least one of those heartthrobs was what they used to call a “confirmed bachelor.” Yep, the guy playing the most macho roles known to drama was, in fact, gay.

The folks over at Second City went ahead and re-envisioned what some of The Bard’s most popular works would have looked like if he’d just gone ahead and written the “gay guy” right into the script. Ophelia, Desdemona, and Juliet could all have benefited from the wisdom of a “Sassy Gay Friend.”

And, yes, I do realize that I am past my Ophelia prime. It’ll be years before I’m too old to play Gertrude, though…

So, I was excited when I got to be on the cutting edge this time and introduce him to this revolutionary piece of technology.  I hope you all are paying attention, because it’s going to be the next big thing.

And here I thought it was all difficult and stuff.

Today I came across this video that sums up the last decade in seven minutes flat.  I like the way the narrator manages to get in a few zingers, even while talking a mile a minute.

ETA: Oops, I guess it’s seven minutes and three seconds. Now how will we find the time to watch it?

Visual artists, on the other hand, seem to have a little more wiggle room when it comes to interpretation.  I’ve recently been seeing quite a few of these “Literal Translations” of music videos, and some of them are really good.  Today I’m introducing you to one that actually made me laugh out loud a couple of different times. 

Hope you like it!

*If any of my real-life friends or family are reading this, I’ll bet you thought it was going to be yet another one of my rants about people who misuse the word “literally.” Don’t worry. I suspect that post is still forthcoming.

I particularly like #4.

If I did become a famous author, though, I think my first order of business would be to attach that title directly to my name.  You know, like how once someone has won an Oscar, they are forever known as Academy Award Winner George Clooney/Gwenneth Paltrow/Denzel Washington/Christopher Rouse?  I would want to be known as Famous Author Lorna Doone Brewer. 

Do you think the DMV would put it on my driver’s license?

Thumbs up from the soon-to-be-famous Tamara Morgan.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Tamara took some time out last November to pen her first romance novel during NaNoWriMo. I was quite impressed by her stick-to-it-ive-ness as she wrote in fits and bursts, as well as the occasional overly-wrought dry spell. I was supportive and encouraging and didn’t even laugh at her when she told me she cried over her own characters ala Joan Wilder.

But, the writing was only the beginning. In the ensuing months, Tamara has entered contests (and even won some), sought out an agent (and signed with one), and gone through a grueling revision process…while working on her second novel.

So, when I saw this video about the “Imaginary Writing Process,” I couldn’t help but think of all the time I wasted in junior high school, fantasizing something similar while pining to be the next Stephen King. (Because I was way more into ghosts and vampires than corsets and hard, throbbing members.)

Anyway, there are a whole lot of brands names that seem almost more common than the actual item they represent. Heck, I hear that in the South, they call all soda pop “Coke!”

That seems to also be the case with online searches. Yesterday’s post took a look at how our freelancing jobs may be in mortal peril should our clients discover Let Me Google That for You, and it made me realize how common it is for us to use the word “Google” as a verb. (See, I mentioned a part of speech…this post is now officially writing-related and therefore is guilt-free and NOT procrastination.)

Someone has realized that the ubiquitous use of the term “Google” may be somewhat detrimental to the newly-released Microsoft search engine called “Bing.” Check out this video at CollegeHumor.com to see what would happen if Bing used the word “Google” the way the rest of us do.

If any of you decide to use the application, I definitely want to hear what you think. Unless you just have that peanut butter and jelly song stuck in your head. In that case, you are kindly asked to keep it to yourself.