Cover Letter Clinic
Good morning. Halloween is over, the house is full of chocolate and I’m on Weight Watchers. It’s shaping up to be a lovely day. Here’s today’s cover letter:
Hello,
Could you use a veteran, top-notch writer to assist you with marketing pieces? I have over 25 years of part-time writing experience with traditional media and new media. My writing is tight, informative and entertaining. Writing is my passion. I hold two journalism degrees including a master’s.
My rate for a 400-world press release would be in the $50 range.
I would welcome the opportunity to discuss how my talents and experience could become an asset to you.
Sincerely,
(Withheld)
P.S. Thank you for your serious consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Well. This letter certainly is short and sweet, isn’t it? I think maybe a little too short and sweet. What I do like is how you briefly touch on your skills without going overboard. The line about your degrees is nice but just kind of looks thrown in there. Plus, I don’t recommend offering rates in a cover letter - I know someone once who offered to write a press release for a potential client for $35. He received a note in response saying “we generally pay $250 per press release, why are your rates so low.” Unless they ask for it, I don’t offer.
I think this letter is a little too brief. Tell me about your press release experience. What can I expect from a press release from you. Any notable clients? One more paragraph would work well.
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Thursday, November 1st, 2007 at 8:19 pm under
I’d also leave out the “part time” and just say you have 25 years of writing experience in traditional and new media.
November 1st, 2007 at 8:37 pmI agree with Deb that I wouldn’t put my rates in a cover letter. ($50 for 400 words is selling yourself short, too.) I’d like to hear a little bit about your actual marketing experience. Also, I don’t like a P.S. in a cover letter. It doesn’t look professional.
November 1st, 2007 at 8:50 pmAs someone who writes press releases, to provide any flat rate is a joke. Different clients want different types of press releases, want different review processes and provide different levels of detail at the beginning.
Even when pressed on a fee for a particular piece, I’ll usually give a range unless it’s a client I know well and know how long the project will take (like the letter above, I use project rates).
November 1st, 2007 at 8:54 pmHey Deb,
My weight watchers leader gave us a sheet with all of the miniature candy bars and their points listed on it. Let me know if you need it.
November 1st, 2007 at 8:55 pmAnother thought…No PS. Put that sentence above the salutation.
November 1st, 2007 at 8:55 pmI agree re: part time experience. Experience is experience, especially at 25 years. Part time just makes it sound like you’re not committed, despite the degrees (not that that’s true, it just gives the letter that air).
November 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pmI also agree, you need to put some press release writing experience in there and any links to releases published online (or details of newspapers, etc). May be a link to a client’s PR/marketing website if you have one.
The company wants to know what you can do for it and I’ve noticed many want experienced press release writers — unless it is an internship but they usually want some kind of related background.
A Master’s Degree in Journalism sounds great, as this will give an indication of your training background, however, adding appropriate experience to your letter will truly strengthen your application.
November 1st, 2007 at 9:25 pmI like this letter but wouldn’t do a P.S. Also wouldn’t say my experience was working part time. I’d drop the “serious” from “serious consideration” — something about that bugged me. I don’t write press releases, but $50 seems like a low rate to quote. You might be low-balling yourself. Unless the person specifically asked for a quote, I wouldn’t put that in there. I also agree that another brief paragraph on your PR writing experience/clients couldn’t hurt.
November 1st, 2007 at 9:28 pmI agree with Phil’s thought about adding the P.S. above the salutation. And while I also think that this letter could be a bit more informative, it’s clever in a way. If the intent is to show that the author is good at short, to the point press releases, his (her?) letter proves it. Do you think it was meant to do that?
November 1st, 2007 at 9:30 pmAs a total aside, what’s up with the time stamp on comments? I’m on EST and it’s 9 1/2 hours ahead of the game…
November 1st, 2007 at 9:31 pmI agree about the “part time” thing.
I think I would be afraid to submit a cover letter here :). Mine are very short and sweet: Here is what I do, here is where you can see my work, looking forward to working with you. That pretty much sums it up.
Guess I need to work on that.
November 1st, 2007 at 9:41 pmAmanda,
I noticed time stamp thing some tme ago, so you’re not the only one seeing it.
I don’t think letter was meant to show that the writer would do “to the point” press releases, and if it did, that probably isn’t a selling point because most PR firms still need to be educated that those releases are better than ones full of fluff.
While I write some releases, I still do more work from “the other side of the desk,” and know that most releases aren’t too the point or say absolutely nothing, so they just waste the journalist/editor’s time.
November 1st, 2007 at 10:02 pmI think the selling point would be to have releases published in both traditional and online media. Perhaps a well read print, especially if it is related to the industry the recruiter is referring.
With regard to a pricing structure, I have actually seen numerous ads offering below $50 per piece! I guess the writer has to be choosy.
November 1st, 2007 at 10:11 pmWell, we all seem in agreement over the ps and the part-time. While I agree that a little more meat would be great, there is a fine line about getting too long and wordy, and as a person who often reviews resumes/cover letters for clients, that can be as detrimental.
Great comments!
November 1st, 2007 at 10:17 pmI don’t think I would hire a writer whose cover letter referred to a “400-world” as opposed to “400-word” press release. (But then I’m a copy editor.)
November 1st, 2007 at 10:47 pmI hear Deb on the chocolate. I live in a neighborhood that neighbors a mobile home park. You’d think with 90 houses and mobile homes within 1/2 a mile we’d get lots of trick or treaters - we wound up with total of five kids last night so the left over candy here is overwhelming and the school sent home a note saying kids could NOT bring candy to school, so it will have to stay here tempting me.
Anyway, The “world” typo caught my eye. Definitely should have proofread the letter first. Prices I leave out, even if the company asks for a quote in their job listing. The length I’m still iffy on. I used to stick to four or five short paragraphs in my cover letters, but in the past two weeks I tested sending cover letters that were three paragraphs and under 100 words, much like is found here, and I’m landed three times the writing jobs I’d been getting. The wording is usually the same, but they are much shorter and in a nutshell tell the person to go to my website for a full-picture. I asked the last “customer” what made my letter stand out and his response was that it was the first he received (that I think is the main factor) and that it didn’t take him more than a few seconds to read considering he had another fifty in his in box. I wouldn’t dream of sending this cover letter in the mail, but for email I think brevity helps out.
November 1st, 2007 at 11:48 pmLurker alert - I’m coming out to comment! Agree with all of the above, plus:
1. The first sentence seems too hesitant in question form. (NOT a good marketing technique, is it?)
2. It’s “more than,” not “over” 25 years.
3. “Writing is my passion” needs to go away. Too personal and unprofessional.
4. Do a bit of research on the organization before you state “how you can be an asset.” Just a tidbit to show you know what they do. At the very least, compare their size/situation with a former client. Are you sure they even want “entertaining” copy?
P.S. to Deb - Thanks for all you do here! I’ve been a daily visitor from the beginning.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:02 amAlso, how do you have two journalism degrees plus a masters? It makes people wonder what you’re talking about - a BA with a major in journalism, something else?? If you’re going to point to your degrees, I think there should be more specificity like where you got them from. I might be impressed or not so impressed.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:11 amI think the P.S. was used as a sales letter technique but looked out of term.
November 2nd, 2007 at 2:00 amI believe you meant to write “400-word” instead of ‘400 world’.
November 4th, 2007 at 4:19 pm