Cover Letter Clinic Day 6
Ok, comments seem to be fixed. If you can, stop by yesterday’s cover letter clinic since we had issues.
Here’s today’s victim…
Hello!
I read your ad on Craigslist seeking an experienced, creative editor to polish
your ____ word novel. If you haven’t already found someone to work with, I
would love to help you strengthen and develop your work before you submit it to
prospective agents and/or publishers.I’m the owner of Austin-based (withheld), and am passionate
about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their
voice and vision. I have a Bachelor’s degree in English from Southwestern
University, with further training in Creative Writing and Editing/Publishing
completed at the University of Melbourne, Australia. Additionally, I have five
years of experience as a freelance writer and editor for magazines, books,
individuals, businesses and organizations; business clients include Falcon
International Bank, Nakea, LLC, and A1 Nutrition. My most prominent magazine
work has been as a reporter for People magazine, which has a weekly readership
of 40 million. Besides People, I currently write for Nurses’ Lounge, Growing
Wealth and American Builders Quarterly, and my creative writing, for which I’ve
won several awards, can be seen in Narrative magazine and the #1 New York Times
bestseller, Chicken Soup for the Soul, among many others.Most relevant to your needs, I have edited more than a dozen books, and
collaborated in writing two, in the last six months alone, 80% of which are
either already in print or forthcoming publication by Spring 2008. My authors
run the gamut from NBC executives to retired Desert Storm vets to painters to
successful entrepreneurs. Among my past work experience, I also spent a year
at
________, an Austin literary publicity firm responsible for launching 27 books
to the bestseller list since its inception in 1994. At _______, I aided in
media campaigns for dozens of authors, many of whom wound up in such
prestigious media as The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Today Show and Fox News. It
has been my joy to work with such diverse people and guide them toward
achieving their writing goals and dreams.For a standard proofread (grammar, syntax, spelling, typos, etc.), I charge
$1.50 per page and offer a turnaround of less than one week. I am including my
resume, a recent writing sample and a client list, below, for your review. I
also encourage you to visit my website for more information on my
qualifications and services, as well as client testimonials. Please contact me
if you have any questions or would like to discuss this in further detail. In
any case, I wish you the best of luck on your book; I have no doubt that the
end product will be completely rewarding.Warmly,
This is a good letter but rather lengthy. A few things…
- If you’re including a client sheet, there’s no need to list clients in the cover letter. If you’re attaching a resume, there’s no need for a client sheet.
- Unless the advertiser specifically requested rates, I wouldn’t include them. Always let him make the first offer in case it’s higher.
- This isn’t a cover letter, it’s a resume. A cover letter should be a paragraph or two, no more than three, and should briefly highlight your assets while letting this potential client know what you can do for him. There are too many “I’s” here and not enough “you’s.”
- I also think that while it’s good to list a couple of notable clients this cover letter is doing a lot of name dropping.
I’d tighten it up - include some education and career highlights, then let the client know what you can do for him.
I also think you’re bogging the client with too many things to read: Cover letter, client list, samples, resume, website - if you have a website, doesn’t it already have samples and clients listed? If so, than include a link with your cover letter, and perhaps a resume, but leave out a lot of the other paraphanalia.
Good luck! I’d love to learn if these cover letter clinics have been helpful and if you’re all finding work with your newly revamped cover letters.
Posted
on
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007 at 10:23 pm under
I totally agree on all points, but I really want to emphasize that you never list rates EVEN IF ASKED. The person who says the first number loses. I know, I’m a bit hard on that score, but it’s my experience.
Generally, though, I do like this one. Something for the heart and arm and brain. Just remember that brevity is the soul of wit!
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:34 pmAgree with Deb and Erik, though I think three graphs as Deb suggests is too brief in most instances. Mine tend to be 5-6, fewer than that doesn’t enable me to sell benefits and highlight the most important items on the resume.
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:45 pmThis is a stronger letter than some of the others, but it contains punctuation and capitalization errors.
The one thing that all of these letters have in common is that they need to be proofread. Not every managing editor/hiring manager will notice errors, but those who do may assume that a candidate whose cover letter contains errors will also produce substandard work for the company/blog/publication.
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:07 pmI completely agree with Deb that cover letters should be 2-3 paragraphs. I work in HR and I see a lot of cover letters. I do not want to spend all day reading your cover letter when I have 20 others to get through. You may be the best person for the job, but if your cover letter is too long, I’ll get bored and move on.
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:32 pmI wrote for radio and tv in college, so maybe its just really ingrained in me that less is more.
Cory has a good point about proofreading. This editor is even OFFERING PROOFREADING SERVICES despite having errors in his/her own letter, which scares me to no end. Right off the bat, at the beginning of the second paragraph: “am passionate about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their voice and vision.” Well, unless all writers on Earth have the same voice and vision, there’s a subject-object disagreement there.
This letter would turn me off immediately precisely because of all the name-dropping that Deb mentioned in her post. Granted, it is really easy to impress people by dropping names, so maybe it’s not a bad strategy, but it’s definitely not one that would work for me. Mentioning one or two noteworthy clients, max, is all I would look for in a cover letter. Leave the rest to the resume. Bringing up The Oprah Winfrey Show and Fox News might sound dazzling, but anyone who reads the letter carefully can tell that those shows don’t really have anything to do with the services the person performed.
To me–just me–I feel that this letter smacks somewhat of arrogance and is really overwhelming.
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:44 pmThe letter is far too long and it seems as if the writer is almost begging for work by its long windedness.
It looks like you have some solid achievements but are overwhelming the reader with them, in what should have been an informative, yet brief cover letter.
October 24th, 2007 at 12:28 amI felt like I needed to stop and make a sandwich halfway through.
I’ve read ads on CL that state they won’t consider you unless you quote a rate, so I’d cut the person some slack there.
October 24th, 2007 at 12:41 amWhether or not to quote rates is a discussion I’d like to see.
Another suggestion on the item above: It looks like this person has a ton of experience. If that’s the case, leave degree info on resume. That’s secondary information after you have a few years of experience.
October 24th, 2007 at 1:06 amI’ve got quite a few responses over the past couple of weeks by making the subject line compelling and keeping the cover letter neat and to the point. Not forgetting to add a job related accomplishment too
October 24th, 2007 at 1:18 amI liked the letter, but I was shocked by your low rate, especially given your experience. I would at least double it.
October 24th, 2007 at 3:38 amAddendum to my comment above:
Especially since the ad seems to call for an editor, not a proofreader. More work = higher rate. I’d more than double in that case.
October 24th, 2007 at 3:40 ami also felt the rate was too low!
October 24th, 2007 at 7:35 am“am passionate about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their voice and vision.” Well, unless all writers on Earth have the same voice and vision, there’s a subject-object disagreement there.”
October 24th, 2007 at 7:36 amTheir is a fine substitution for “his or her” which distracts the reader- check CMS.
@Allena: Shouldn’t it be “about helping writers tell their stories in a way that best represents their voices and visions”? I don’t think the “his or her”/their debate applies here. (And CMS really approves “their” as a substitute? Ew.)
More importantly, why is this person looking for work on Craigslist???
October 24th, 2007 at 10:38 amAll else aside, no one has mentioned the closing paragraph. I think it’s very weak.
“Please contact me
if you have any questions or would like to discuss this in further detail. In
any case, I wish you the best of luck on your book; I have no doubt that the
end product will be completely rewarding.”
Something like “I’ll be in touch with you in x # of days to discuss my proposal,” would be a stronger way of closing. As it stands right now, this letter says “thanks for reading my letter but I don’t really care if you call me and I probably won’t follow up.” Just my opinion. Any thoughts?
October 24th, 2007 at 6:18 pm