I was going to stick this in my weekend link love post, but I think in light of recent discussions here and at InkThinker and Write From Home, I’d like to talk about it here.
What has happened to our manners? And by "our" I don’t necessarily mean members of the FWJ community. I mean residents of cyberspace. Lately all of our discussions appear to be centered around topics such as sending scolding emails to people we don’t feel pay enough money, sending scolding emails to employers who might be grammatically challenged, flagging jobs we don’t want anyone to have, and whether or not one form of writing is better than another. Has it always been this way or am I too in love with cyberspace to see through my rose-colored glasses?
I was taught to treat others as I’d like them to treat me. I’m not saying I don’t have the occasional unhinged moment, but I try and check my manners before responding in a dispresctful manner. I’m not perfect though I think I’m getting better. I truly believe the majority of us are good people who like to help others.
Personally, I think it’s the anonymity of the Internet. We comment or email things we’d never really say to a person’s face because they don’t see us. They don’t live next door or ride on our school bus. We’re not going to see them at the next pot luck or Sunday morning at the diner. Online people go away. Some feuds rage on, but for the most part they stay within a certain community. And really, what are they going to do? Not follow us on Twitter? I’ve witnessed a lot of meanness. There are a couple of writing forums I stay away from now because the regulars are so snarky and mean. To me, socializing shouldn’t be stressful.
I remember a conversation I once had with a teenage nephew who feels he’s justified in "telling it like it is" because he’s being honest. I told him there’s a difference between honest and rude and you can’t use one to excuse the other. Where do you draw the line - and are some people so caught up in their own honesty, they can’t find the line anymore?
So since it’s been on our minds, let’s talk. What do we think it is? Is it the anonymity of the Internet? A different generation? Is the world getting ruder? Are we not teaching basic respect?
Discuss…
March 20th, 2008 at 4:53 am
I think people feel no consequences. In real life (face-to-face interaction), there is body language, reaction, expressions - all of it a reflection of the person’s feelings about us. We don’t like the sneer, the look of disgust, the back turning, so we don’t do it.
Online? Rage on, buddy. That little emoticon doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings in the least. Sharp words? Wooo check out the fancy writing. Big deal. Oh, oh, wait, look. Someone’s getting angry, come on! This is fun! HEY!
A recent ripping apart over at FWS had me thoroughly disgusted. Many people are rude, mean, nasty, lofty and upitty. Many are snots. I mean, real big snots.
And I don’t get it.
They’re stepping on everyone else to make themselves feel bigger and better. Me? Okay, I have my French temper to deal with, but I don’t think I’m rude and when I hurt feelings, I’m big enough to apologize.
Because I know that there are consequences to my actions, even on the Internet. And I mind my manners, even when I’m outspoken.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:00 am
Yes, to the anonymity. Makes people feel like they can put their mind straight into words, censored or not.
Everyone is so concerned with doing what “feels” right to them, what “feels” good to do. That is by far not always the *right* thing to do. Big time difference. Just becasue you have a feeling does not mean you need to act on it.
There is also times to not be brutally honest. That’s called *tact.*
I’ve worked in family therapy, and there are many families that are turned upside down. Marketers cater to teens, teens get the idea that they’re “all that”, parents get afraid of their kids, other problems, etc. Then the kids are running the show and the parents try to be “friends” just to stay in the loop.
I realize my last paragraph summarizes a lot, and certainly not every single teen or family is this way. I know that.
However, I’m saying that this trend of catering to just what people feel like and want has gradually taken the place of what ought to be done and the good citizen thing to do.
No one dared to show midriff when I went to HS. It’s all over the place now. I’ll probably hate jean shopping for a whole new reason for the next decade - *low rise*. And I’m just 35, not like I’m two or three generations removed from this.
This is probably an incomplete theory, but combine the “I want” movement with the cyberworld, and you get a flock of anonymous jerks. Cyberbullying is now a huge problem. The distance of the internet and cell phones makes it so hard to track down.
OK, down from the soap box. I’m not saying that the 70’s and 80’s were the “good old days.” I know there were problems then too. But I know some things are very different and my husband and I will have to work extra hard to shield our girls from these “popular ways” to learn what we have learned.
By and large, I do believe a lot of people have good intentions. Just have to use my “good people radar” to find them among the snarky jerks.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:04 am
It’s the internet. People are so bold and brave behind a computer screen.
I’ve been a member of numerous forums and online communities, and I’ve met people from those sites. It’s funny that the online smack-talkers and bullies tend to be so shy in real life. They talk a big game online, but they end up being so quiet and dull.
The flipside works, too. The ones who are cool online tend to be cool, fun, and interesting in real life.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:23 am
I think rudeness is not just reserved for the internet. I see all manner of disrespectful behavior all over the place, i.e. traffic, standing in line at the grocery store, working in retail, etc. Perhaps the anonymity online offers a certain amount of courage to act nastier than they would in person, but in all honesty, I think those people would likely behave the same way in a face-to-face situation.
So, why is this happening?
My theory is that the fast-paced demands of our society are a contributing factor. We are accustomed to getting what we want when we want it and when something intervenes with that, we become angry because that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. This has developed into a “looking out for number one” attitude. Furthermore, our society encourages an individualistic attitude in everything that we do - from being the best in sports as a kid so that you get the scholarship later in life, to being the best at a job so you get the promotion. There aren’t a lot of consequences for actions unless someone breaks the law, and even then it seems to be negotiable. So, where is the incentive to be nice to one another? Parents aren’t taking control of their kids and are relying on the television to babysit - for whatever their reasons are - and then they wonder why their kids turn out the way they do. This feeds into the problem in a big way because a person’s behavior as an adult is very often a reflection of their upbringing - not always, but in most cases this holds true.
My point is this, the internet isn’t the only place that rudeness occurs and I don’t think that people act all that differently from cyberspace to the real world, for the most part. As with anything, there are exceptions to the rule. However, the attitude comes from the culture and society we have collectively established, because society has deemed that individualism is what will get a person ahead in life. All too often, that individualism leads to inconsideration for others, which leads to the rude behavior we’ve been discussing.
These are just my thoughts.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:58 am
I understand your point, I see rudeness around, but I’m not so sure I feel like people overall are more rude of late. For example, you posted about a single incident where a prospective employee corrected some grammar. But in the comments, the vast majority claimed to never practice this behavior and most felt it was rude.
I guess I was surprised at how hard some commenters were on job posters who write badly or don’t post the ‘right’ info about a job. I personally just ignore those obvious duds.
There will always be trolls looking for a fight and teenagers who haven’t developed the sense of, well, anything besides selfishness and the instant gratification of creating a stir.
Maybe I don’t see it because I’ve tried to drop out of the fast paced/stressed out life. I’m poorer, but that’s okay.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:14 am
I think there have always been rude people around and that some people think they can get ahead by treating other people badly. Unfortunately, those are the ones we tend to remember, as opposed to the people who are polite and respectful.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:35 am
I think rudeness is often (usually?) an outlet for pent-up emotions, and it is definitely one that is sanctioned in some unspoken way by our current society in general. And when I say society in general, I’m basically referring to the media! Which of course we have online.
I agree with both Erika K’s and Kristy’s comments. I too have worked in family therapy a great deal, and have definitely seen the unfortunately prevalent trend of an imbalance of “power” in families, in which the teens end up on top and the parents not in charge. Having an egalitarian family is one thing, but catering to every whim of a child is another, and that does seem to happen a fair amount in our culture. Although of course, as noted earlier, not in every family. And this is again supported by our culture, in an odd way…think of the buying power of tweens, for example.
Basically I think it’s the usual suspects: more disconnected city life, faster pace of the world in general, new generations, etc. I lived in a rural community for many years and there was much more cordiality there, which is something I notice far less in the larger town I now live in, let alone my hometown of the sprawl of L.A. The world overall is scarier all the time, it seems. Fear can manifest as rudeness, curtness, anger, etc. etc. It’s easier, sometimes, to be rude than to be honest and vulnerable! And it might be especially easy for some people in the relative anonymity provided by the Internet.
But I honestly find that more people are polite than not, overall…
March 20th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Not just anonymity. I’ve seen a lot of rude behavior coming out of people everywhere. It may have started out with people who only socialized online and then spilled over into the outside world.
I have been called rude before. I look at it as being rather blunt (probably has something to do with growing up in Jersey). But, I do know when I’ve gone too far and when to shut up. I try to reserve any true rudeness for those I feel deserve it–I try to be a bit gentler with the rest. And for some reason, I’ve found I’m not quite as blunt online, especially when it comes to criticism of people’s work (even when they ask for it).
March 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I feel there have always been rude people around, but the media of web conversation brings that quality out in people. People can state their case without being interupted and say exactly what they like. Without a face there to see reactions or responses which can keep them in check, they don’t have to evaluate how their written words might make others feel as fellow human beings.
It is a skill in my opinion to state your case with simply the facts and reflect that you are respectiful of other people but firm. Many people do not have it. I struggle with it often.
As far as a society I do feel to be rude in nature is more acceptable and many people mask it as honesty. I feel is has a lot to do with generational shifts. The theory of the Entitlement Generation is alive and well IMO.
It comes down to respect. Respect others, even those without a face you can see, and recognize that we have our own beliefs and opinions. Stick by them, but recognize that others will differ and that is not always right or wrong.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
As someone who’s been on the Internet since before it WAS the “inter” net and was still Arpanet, I can tell you this: yes, the Internet was “like this” and more. I am often amazed at how sedate the “flame wars” are now and how prissy people can be about what they label as a flame. My thought is always, “sheeeit, you ain’t seen nothing! Why, back in the day, I walked to the terminal in my flame retardant suit, five miles! Uphill! Both ways!”
The restraint of people, the lack of trolls, how people can actually stop feeding the trolls–it’s nothing short of amazing. The level of discourse on the net has both highly improved and markedly descended into the banal, the polite, the “nice.” The flames are just pathetic. Give me a community where people speak their minds, where being honest is just as important as being nice, where it’s your merit, not your popularity that determines your value within the community.
The net used to be free communities–the wild west for sure, but free–now “no flames” has become “no fights” has become ” no arguments” has become “no disagreements!” It gets to where it becomes “no discussion and outright censorship by power hungry moderators (and I am not talking about here, but it’s happened twice in the last year). The Internet is online communities, not the private sandboxes of a thousand petty tyrants.
Give me the Wild West. I miss it sometimes.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I think that the rudeness and sense of entitlement that some younger people have is one that we have encouraged. Look at all the young girls who are encouraged to be “princesses” and “divas” starting at a very young age. We watch “Bridezillas” on TV and I am amazed that those women get away with the things they do, but that is the point: they treat people badly and no one says “Boo!” Someone should tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Ditto to James’ and Erika’s comments.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I also agree that anonymity creates the idea that “anything” can be said and that people who are using a screen identity seem to be more aggressive than those whose identity is known.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Last year, I posted on my own blog a piece questioning whether message boards are magnets for rudeness; months later, my opinion that they are hasn’t changed.
Even on spirituality sites and travel-sharing sites meant to help others, people get nasty. They don’t like their opinions debated; they think others ask stupid questions, and they hold many other incorrect views about their sense of worth and empowerment.
After a particularly long season of following running comments on a site (rather, an anti-site, if you will, of a popular tv show in the US) I threw in the towel. I realized that exposing myself to that degree of rudeness was ruining my outlook and bringing me down. I’d reached my saturation level. It seems that certain web locations simply draw people that are plain nasty, and if it affects a person, that person’s only option is to avoid it.
It’s not that I’m saying to give up all message boards because individuals don’t use their manners, because there are more out there who are considerate and thoughtful. But this environment, due to its inherent structure, can easily be a forum animosity. Sometimes, to keep one’s energy from dissipating, it’s good to stay focused on the more positive sites for awhile. (Like this one!)
March 20th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
My husband has worked for a company for 30 years, since college, and they recently attempted to hire newbies that he spent his days training. Of the dozen people he trained, only two lasted - one a Bosnian who really needed the work and the other I can’t remember which Eastern European country. The other 10 (all area high school grads or new college grads) quit telling him that they expected work to involve sitting behind a computer all day and getting to take Internet breaks
They never expected that they’d be lifting boxes or having to do manual labor. When that wasn’t happening, they opted to move on. We’re raising them to want an easy life. The Bosnian himself said he can’t believe how quick Americans are to drop jobs that offer great benefits and a decent salary all because it is inconvenient to their ideals.
I look at the high school courses my son will be taking next year. Everything has moved away from teaching kids ethics and manners. My shorthand teacher was a wonderful woman, but a stickler for manners and grammar. Mess it up and she’d let you know. The high school here actually has a class that teaches Internet use including the lingo, but no where does it talk about being responsible for what you say or do online.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Another thing I was thinking of is that it is not always anonymous either. On my review site, I make it a policy not to accept PublishAmerica books. I’ve heard too many horror stories from authors who got caught up in unclear contracts, etc. I get in plenty of books to review and sites like PA and others usually offer mediocre books that are poorly edited making it hard for reviewers to focus on the story and not on the sloppy quality of some. Not all are bad, but there are a high majority that need cleaning up before they are worthwhile. I have enough to do without piling even more on myself, so publishers like PA, AmErica, Booklocker, etc. are cut from my site unless a reviewer is really interested and has the time.
Yesterday, I got an email from an author who is about to be published with PA and he was furious over my policy. Name calling ensued (stupid b#@%h who obviously knows nothing about writing a book was one) and though tempted to tell him that his name calling and insults were juvenile and not appreciated, I opted to delete the email instead.
This isn’t the first time. There is another author whose book I reviewed a couple years ago. He was a former cop that admitted in the book that before his retirement he took bribes and stole drugs from the evidence locker. I find that appalling and said so in my review. I got an email from that author telling me he still had plenty of friends in the force so I should be careful about what I say about him. How’s that for scary? I took the email and forwarded it to his agent and the publisher. Needless to say this guy’s contract was dropped and the publisher couldn’t apologize enough. People just don’t seem to care about what they say anymore.
In the end, all they’ve accomplished was making me completely certain that I will NEVER touch any of their books and that all of my friends and family are told about the situations so that word of mouth passes on.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I agree with Jodee’s second comment about what we see on TV. The majority of shows feature absolutely boorish behavior — from reality shows like Top Model, where women proudly proclaim that they’re bitches to sitcoms where viciousness hangs in the air. And this is presented as normal. I’m not saying it’s the fault of Media; I think that media is both reflecting and amplifying society’s values. And of course, this spills over to the Internet.
When I lived in a big city, I was short-tempered and, occasionally, rude to other pedestrians. Since moving to a small town, I’m friendly and nice to everyone. Really. Something about the sense of a real community, where people actually know each other, and where the pace is slower. I made a conscious decision to step out and back, and my life is way better for it.
Maybe we all just need to reevaluate our values. Do we really *need* the latest cell phone, or newest iPod, or coolest laptop? Think about the money they cost. If you’re going to keep up with the latest must-haves, which are getting more and more expensive and are more and more quickly outdated, you have to work more and make more money and are almost perpetually dissatisfied. I think that transfers into rudeness, from a sense of personal unhappiness and insecurity. If you’re okay with who you are, you can choose to step back from the fray and not engage in ways that hurt others.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I think it’s combination of many factors. It’s the anonymity of the Internet combined with the lack of personal responsibilty and no consequences for any actions. How many people are required to be responsible for their own lives anymore?
Then add in things such as the Entitlement Generation (which I am a reluctant piece of), supplying a generation of kids whose parents have always stepped in and fixed everything for them. They never learned to take care of themselves or put real effort in to get results.
In the end you get one horrid mess. You get adults who think the world is at fault for their problems and young adults who can’t function in society. It drives me crazy.
I run with a high level of personal responsibility and good sense of how hard work is beneficial.
Putting yourself out there on the Internet for everyone to see has always been akin to standing on your porch and shouting your business, for me. I don’t act a fool for all to see, but it’s not like that keeps me from having a strong opinion. Manners keep it all in line because often what I type is highly filtered from what I first thought.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Here is what I don’t get: if someone came to my home and called me names and told me off, I’d show them the door and not invite them back. They come to my blog and act like that, and they act like they have a free speech, non-censorship argument. Because the Internet is the playground? It makes no sense to me. They honestly think online is play time, that everyone finds them amusing. I don’t know what causes this. I had a bad childhood, but somehow I still know the difference between acting like a buttmonkey and a decent person.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
@ Amy: I haven’t heard the expression “buttmonkey” before - I like that, LOL! I guess the people who behave the way you described are not as evolved as you are. You don’t use your past as a reason to behave like a jerk in the present. That is a sign of maturity, a trait that is sorely lacking in some people.
March 20th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
@Ann G.,
It’s not just the schools, it’s society as a whole doesn’t stress respect any more. Look at today’s sitcoms. No more Leave it To Beaver, Father Knows Best, etc., where respect was the norm. Now the norm is smart-aleck kids. And the fathers are shown as complete fools (I’ll admit, we have our moments, but not the sacrifices of a breadwinner — even in a two breadwinner house — are never recognized, nor is the respect that most religions teach for elders).
If I treated my parents the way my teens treat me (though they are respectful to other elders, I’m told), I would have been kicked out of the house. I hear the same from other parents.
This problem of youth is discussed in the book Only Yesterday — though it complains about this problem in the 1920s (showing that every generation of parents feels this way).
March 20th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
There have been message boards that I’ve dropped because of the rudeness, people thinking they can say anything to anyone with no consequences. Unfortunately, that philosophy was supported by the board owners, so I left. Over time, the site has devolved into a bunch of juvenile-behaving middle-aged people. It’s tiring. I find I have to leave or the vitriol starts affecting me away from the boards, too.
I’ve had my share of knee-jerk reactions, but I try hard to be considerate and not hateful. And an apology can go a long way. (But some people still won’t accept that, even, and go a very long time holding a grudge.)
I do think the web has gotten ruder in some areas. But like dejah, I remember the really wild, wild west days of message boards.
Heck, people in general seem to suffer from entitlement. Whatever happened to personal responsibility for actions? Now, there’s always something (or someone) else to blame.
March 20th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Almost daily I come across people who could be a little (or a lot) nicer. They are young, old, male, female, the whole spectrum. Those people certainly exist in cyberspace as well.
There are many blogs (not necessarily freelancing or writing sites) that I visit for content, but I would never dream of posting on because so many of the posters are rabid. It almost seems like they are waiting to pounce on comments they disagree with or think are stupid. No question those people could be a little nicer.
I choose to post on this site because the great majority of people on FWJ are respectful and genuinely helpful.
March 20th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Re: People’s reactions to a good deed…
I was just reading Laurel’s post and it brought something else to mind. (Tired of repetitive freezing rain here so I’m trying to ignore the outside)
I loved the book Pay It Forward. That’s the type of mentality I would like to see the world live in, but I’m smart enough to know it will never happen. Three years ago, my neighbor’s son became really sick. I mean - REALLY sick. Vomiting, intense stomach pains, fever. This is the single mom, so I understood her need to work. On the second day, her son called me at home and asked if I could come over with some mint tea (per earlier discussions I realize it is not technically tea but I’m calling it that anyway) to help ease his nausea. So I brought him a cup with some honey and stayed around for a few minutes to make sure he was able to keep it down. During this time, I asked him where the pain was and he pointed to the right of his belly button. I figured EVERYONE knows that pain there is a sign of appendicitis. I called his mom and told her that she needed to take him to the ER ASAP because this was his second day with the stomach pains. I figured she’d take my advice because this was her son’s life at stake.
A full day later, I’m out on the front deck shaking out a rug and see him come crawling over (literally crawling). She figured he was lying to get attention from me and never did take him to the ER. I ended up driving him to his doctor myself who informed me it was certainly appendicitis and that if I could get him to the ER, I’d probably beat out waiting for an ambulance at that point. So I did, though it was too late, his appendix had ruptured approximately 24 hours earlier and he was in the hospital with an infection for 3 weeks not to mention the surgery which required a portion of his intestines to be removed.
After all this, you would have thought she would thank me. The truth is she announced she hated me for interfering with her life and told her kids there were never allowed to talk to me again. This is slowly changing again now that the son is 16 and out of the house, the older daughter still doesn’t talk to me though.
So in my experience, being the nice guy can suck too. The only good thing from this is now that he’s a dad and away from her, he and the baby’s mom bring the baby to me when they want a break. Sadly, and possibly understandably, he no longer trusts his mom to know what to do in an emergency.
March 20th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
The lack of courtesy happens as much in the 3-D world as it does online, at least in my opinion. I’ve noticed for a number of years now that especially the younger people who work in service occupations bypass the “please” and “thank you’s” that I’d grown up with.
In thinking about my recent faux pas here in relation to a job posting of which it appeared I was rudely poking fun, I think that sometimes due to the limitations of the written word, what might seem innocuous in a spoken manner comes across as rude or mean-spirited in writing.
March 20th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
@Ann G.
That’s one scary story. Funny how angry she was with you. I’d been eternally grateful that someone was so helpful. Perhaps she had ego issues and thought you were showing her up in the parenting department?
People don’t seem to appreciate much anymore. It’s all me, all the time, and screw anyone else.
March 20th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Ann G
How awful! She must have felt so humiliated after you were clearly right, and she couldn’t handle her feelings so she had to completely ax you instead. For her it must have been more important to think she was *right* than be happy or peaceful. Or show any gratitude - geez.
March 20th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Thanks! In my heart I know I saved his life potentially, and to me that’s what really matters. He’s a good kid that got shuffled around with a mom too busy for him and a loser father who wanted to party more than he wanted kids. If anything, I’m just glad he’s chosen to turn to me with his infant because I’d hate to see the baby get pushed into a similar pattern.
For those who have not heard - a sharp pain to the right of your belly button CAN indicate appendicitis. If you have a pain there that is intense or you have that pain with a fever or vomiting - go see the doctor just to be certain! I thought that was a common sense issue, but after learning my neighbor had no clue, it made me wonder how many others don’t know that.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
@Jodee - I like that word. My five year old niece brought it home from school, and while I didn’t like it coming out of her mouth, I’ve incorporated it into my own vocab list somehow.
@Ann - I love Pay It Forward. The story about your neighbor is horrifying. I’ve learned the hard way about being the “nice guy” with neighbors many times. It’s too bad, isn’t it?
@LL - I agree with you about the limitations of the written word online. My sarcasm gets me in trouble frequently, but at least you and I have the decency to apologize when something we say is taken the wrong way or offends someone. To me, that is very different than trolling through writing blogs just to call people names and fling insults. These people are clearly doing it just to be mean — no mistake about it.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Yes, there is a lot of rudeness on the Internet and in the real world these days. People are so plugged into themselves that they don’t know how to interact with others anymore.
I think some of the rudeness on the Internet is self inflicted. People don’t like it when others disagree with them. They see flames where flames don’t exist.
Also, just because people type the words doesn’t mean they know how to communicate by writing. And that comes off as rude, when the person has no inkling that he or she appears that way.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
It’s the Internet and the people that focus too much on topics rather than working.
You have manners, though, and everyone knows it:)
March 20th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I have been having online conversations since before there was a World Wide Web (Anyone remember the BBS?). Online conversation has always been more direct and raw than face-to-face conversations. It is the nature of anonymity and distance. It is also the product of engaging a wider circle of people. In person, you have a great deal of control over who you choose to talk to and who you let talk to you. Online, anyone who happens upon your site can offer up a comment. That means, the rude jerk you would simply avoid in person is allowed access to you on the web. Sadly, the rude jerks are more likely to comment than the nice people, because they think their opinion is important enough that everyone should read it, while the nice people just agree or disagree and move on.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Oh I think it’s a combination of everything. One person said that the people who talk smack online are dull and quiet! True! I could probably be considered one of those but I have a tad of real life snark in me that comes out in real life too!
You’ve heard the saying “It’s always the quiet ones,” right? Well, it’s because the quiet ones spend a good lot of their time shutting up and making nice in the face to face world so much so that the Internet can be a fresh release! It’s the quiet ones who get walked all over and bullied in the face to face world… where should we tell them to go and vent their frustrations or be mean? Are we saying people can’t be mean? It doesn’t seem like there is a good place anymore.
I am not saying that we pave the road in gold for the bullies and cyberbullies of the earth. No, but I think that our society has changed so much that people want such a politically correct world that it’s backfiring ten-fold on them. Being PC is everywhere and the Internet is the last frontier it seems where people can be as unPC as they want and not give a rat’s behind who thinks what. It’s the double-edged sword… We wanted it, a place to be free and not worry what people think of us or what we say, a place to speak our minds, get dirty and all kinds of wrong but when it’s done, when someone crosses the invisible line that’s yet to be drawn… then we get mad at them. Then they are rude, snarky or mean. When all they really are is human and showing a little of their A$$es because it’s the one place left that they can.
Telling people where to go and to what hand basket they should get there in is one of the last things on earth that hasn’t been taken from us, the Internet it seems is one of the last places people can do it… But we don’t want them in the face to face world. Then we are back to being unPC.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Pot calling the kettle black, Deb. Youre the worst.
March 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I know that it’s a bit late to be in on this discussion, but I think that it’s ridiculously ageist to single out teenagers as a rude culture. I used to work in the service industry and customers older than myself would treat me like I was a complete idiot. Could I get a “please” out of them? Not on your life! The only people with enough decency to empathize were fellow teenagers, who go the extra mile to make your job a little easier - mostly because they’re in the same line of work.
I’m no longer a teenager, but I’m still relatively near to that culture in age. Unfortunately, the older generation has left us with a pretty shoddy economy and now we have to work if we want a real education. I find it pretty offensive to hear people who never had to do real work insulting an entire age group, when (at least it’s this way for college kids) we need to work for every little thing.
It comes down to owning up and taking responsibility. I hear so many parents blaming the media for any rudeness that a young person may exhibit, because they’re too lazy to put in some work in actually raising their kids. I saw that one person commented that if s/he had behaved the way that his/her kids behave now, s/he would have been booted from the house. What does that say about the parenting? Someone didn’t/doesn’t lay down the law and look at what happened. Children aren’t going to own up to their actions (rudeness) until their parents start owning up.
I find it appalling that an age group can be black-balled, with no social consequence. We all know that race has nothing to do with one’s abilities, yet some feel it’s reasonable to make sweeping generalizations about another huge group of people? I would hope that at this point, we would realize that ALL people come from various backgrounds, which leads to different behaviors.
I applaud the people who said that rudeness is everywhere or didn’t single out any specific group. I think that people like these offer civil discussion and show true web etiquette.
I apologize if I’ve offended anyone, but could we strive to open our minds a little? Sure some teens are rude, but so are a lot of other people.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Alot of people do become “cyber bullies” online.
I personally am the same way online as I am online.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:40 am
There should have been an ‘offline’ in the above statement. LOL